


Guns & Roses

by The_Consulting_Werewolf



Category: Big Bang (Band), EXO (Band)
Genre: And angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Violence, no happy ending, there will be death and dying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 22:47:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 74,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11656269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Consulting_Werewolf/pseuds/The_Consulting_Werewolf
Summary: A victim of his past, Kim Junmyeon is now the strongest and biggest mafia boss in Seoul. And Det. Dong Youngbae wants his head on a plate. So, he finds Wu Yifan, the one man Junmyeon once went weak for, to bring the boss down.Wu Yifan hasn’t seen Junmyeon for thirteen years, ever since the fire at the Lee mansion. And Dong’s offer is terrible, but he wants to see Junmyeon one last time.Kim Junmyeon sent Yifan away, far away from him, so his crimes never touch the one man he loved. He doesn’t understand why Yifan is back after thirteen years though. He knows Yifan won’t find the seventeen-year-old boy he once loved, because he perished along with the fire at the Lee mansion thirteen years ago.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody, i have no self-restraint, so here i am posting another Krisho  
> Now, if you are here after The Custody Conundrum, lemme just say, this ain't gonna be fluffy at all, this fic is dark and angsty and sad, so beware  
> But if you dig shit like pain and sadness, HI

The red flames lick the wooden panels and a short, thin teenaged boy runs down a corridor with a taller boy following him. The air is thick with gas and they both know they cannot last too long in this heat. The taller one spots an opening; one of the windows on the second floor wasn’t on fire. He grabs the shorter one and shouts, “Junmyeon! Look, we can use that window to escape!”

Junmyeon looks at where the other was pointing and nods. As they run towards the window, Junmyeon suddenly remembers. They stand at the sill judging how many bones they might break if they jump from this height when Junmyeon pulls the other boy close to him and says, “Yifan? Promise me something.”

Yifan frowns at the boy in his arms, the boy he loves irrevocably and unconditionally. He asks, “What are you talking about?” To his surprise, a single tear runs down the soot on Junmyeon’s cheek. He cups his face and says, “Junmyeon, what is it?”

Junmyeon takes a deep breath and instantly regrets it as his lungs get filled with the carbon dioxide. He coughs and when he thinks he can talk again, he rasps, “Promise me that if we get out of here alive, you will not try to see me again.”

Yifan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“If you love me, you will leave Seoul as soon as possible. If you stay, your life will be in danger and I love you too much to lose you.” When his lover starts to shake his head, Junmyeon clasps his hands and begs, “Please, please, please do this for me!”

Yifan doesn’t want to promise something so impossible, but he knows Junmyeon is right. And for the first time today, Junmyeon confessed his love for him. But, if he stays, he will die and what good is he to Junmyeon dead? So, he slowly nods his head. As Junmyeon sadly smiles up at him, he quickly kisses him. He wants to deepen the kiss, he wants to remember how Junmyeon feels and tastes like because he knows this is the last time he will ever see him. However, they get interrupted when a wooden beam crashes near them.

They pull apart and entwine their hands. They move in sync as they put one foot out of the window. Yifan says, “On three…one…two…three!”

Junmyeon closes his eyes and jumps off the second floor with Yifan, the only one he ever trusted in his messed up world. Too bad that if Yifan stays, he can never go forward with his plans. His revenge on every single person who has ever wronged him has only begun and he loves Yifan too much to allow him to get caught in it.


	2. Memories, Miles Apart

Junmyeon gets inside the tub and the hot water feels so, so good after the tiresome day he had today. The Kim faction on the other side of the river is becoming more troublesome as the days goes by, and ever since the grandson took over, Junmyeon’s work has doubled. It isn’t easy being a crime boss after all.

He pulls his knees to his chest and he raises a finger to gently trace the thirteen years old scar on his knee. That drop from the window was painful and he needed surgery to fix his broken bone. Thankfully, his companion escaped with far less dangerous injuries. As an old face rises to the top in his memory, Junmyeon shakes his head. No, he won’t think about _him._ It has been thirteen years since he last saw him, and even though he gets annual reports from Enping, he still wonders about him every now and then. He still refuses to look at the picture his informant sends with the report though. He doesn’t need to know how the gummy smile, full cheeks and dark eyes have matured with age.

He sighs and sinks further into the tub till the water covers the lower part of his face and closes his eyes as the soothing scent of jasmine washes over him. The door to the bathroom opens and Junmyeon doesn’t even flinch. There is only one person who can dare disturb the boss when he is at home, or in the bathroom at his most vulnerable. He opens his eyes and Minseok’s crooked smile is full of mischief as he says, “Gee Jun, could have invited me in.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes and sits up. Minseok and his flirtatious ways are nothing new to him. He has been sleazy with Junmyeon since they met, though he has never tried to do anything. Junmyeon knows Minseok is all bark and no bite, fortunately for him. Minseok’s eyes land on his chest, where a myriad of scars creates a story of pain collected over the years. From burns to cuts to stitches, Minseok feels terrible how every inch of Junmyeon’s pale skin is marred. Junmyeon rubs his eye and says, “Have you ordered dinner? I am hungry.”

Minseok chuckles. “Yeah, I have. Hurry up, I have placed your clothes on the bed.” The older man stands up and walks out of the bathroom.

Junmyeon watches him leave and thinks about him. Kim Minseok’s entry into his life was nothing short of dramatic. Thirteen years ago, when an eighteen-year-old Minseok grinned at him like a cat as Junmyeon stood covered in blood from head to toe, he announced how he had found someone as insane like him, and since then, Minseok has never left his side and has lived with him. Somehow, Junmyeon is thankful. Even though he still doesn’t think he shares Minseok’s bloodlust and absolute apathy. Minseok can kill without reason, while Junmyeon only picks up his gun when he _absolutely_ needs to. And the time for this need—the times he has picked up a gun with the desire to kill can be counted on one hand. But he knows, and acknowledges, the darkness that comfortably resides inside him. He knows he cannot suppress it all the time, and after all this time, he has learnt to accept it, live with it and use it to his advantage. Switching off feelings, emotions, is easier than breathing for him, and all that he holds back is carefully locked up.

He gets out from the tub and pads towards his bedroom naked. Minseok is nowhere to be seen and he quickly dresses in his pyjamas. He walks out of his bedroom and finds Minseok on the couch with the television on. Junmyeon notices the older is watching the news.

“The warehouse owned by the Kim Syndicate at Gangbok went up in flames. Witnesses say they heard a loud explosion, so the police are speculating they might have a gang war on their hands,” the pretty anchor says on the screen.

Minseok chuckles, “Damn right, you got a gang war on your hands, and this is only the middle of the movie!”

Junmyeon cuffs him on his head. “Told you not to go overboard with the explosives. The gang war had been subdued, this just brought everyone and their grandmothers’ attention to our problems.” He walks towards the kitchen and fixes himself some wine as he waits for the food to arrive. Minseok joins him and he pours him a glass too.

Minseok says, as Junmyeon passes him the glass, “I am sorry for that Jun. I know you don’t like to show off, but they must know who you are.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “I don’t want to hyung.”

“Bullshit,” Minseok takes a long sip of the red wine in his hand. “You know Kim Sungkyu is not to be taken lightly. He is one deranged motherfucker.”

“And we aren’t?” Junmyeon asks as he coolly regards Minseok.

The older smiles. “Nah, I still believe you have something good still in you.”

“What bullshit hyung,” Junmyeon bites. “The good in me died a long time ago.”

Minseok sips his wine, and his voice is serious when he slowly says, “No, I don’t believe that for a second. Whatever good’s in you is miles away from you. Like you locked it up and sent the key far, far away from you so you could be who you are today.”

Junmyeon shudders a little and he cannot look at Minseok, or comment on it since it hits very close to home.

 

Detective Dong Youngbae looks at the still burning warehouse. The firemen are trying their best to extinguish the flames, and they have battling it for a while now. Youngbae lights a cigarette and watches his partner, Detective Kwon Jiyong striding over to him. Jiyong says, “Kim Sungkyu is awfully quiet about this.”

“Kim Junmyeon showed him his place after all,” Youngbae says with venom dripping in his voice. He hates what his beloved city has been reduced to. The gang war between the Kim and Kim-Lee factions have been going on for a long time; today’s incident is in no way an isolated one. Every cop in the city has been caught up in it for nearly three years now. And honestly, Youngbae is tired and he wants both Sungkyu and Junmyeon’s head on a plate.

“This is in retaliation to the massacre at Gangnam, isn’t it?” Jiyong asks.

Youngbae nods, “What else could it be?”

“Imagine if the media had gotten hold of that,” Jiyong bitterly chuckles as he shakes his head. “We should be immensely thankful to the kids.”

“Yeah,” Youngbae says. “Oh, that reminds me, send Hanbin to my office after we are done here, okay? I had given the punk a task.”

“You had him do something for you?”

“Yeah, I may or may have not find something on Gangnam Kim.”

Jiyong raises his eyebrows. “Really? Impenetrable Gangnam Kim?”

“That one, yes.” Youngbae smirks at Jiyong and drops his cigarette to the floor, stamping down on it to kill the lingering flame. “See you later partner.”

“You leaving?”

“There’s nothing else to see here now, is it?”

“I guess not,” Jiyong admits a little wistfully. He knows the city and the police are right now caught in a crossfire between two powerful crime lords, and this is just the beginning if Gangnam Kim has decided to bring the fight to public attention. He watches his partner leave and shakes his head. He knows Youngbae has more incentive to finish this since he lost so much to both Gangnam Kim and Gangbok Kim three years ago.  

 

Youngbae returns to his office and lights up another cigarette as he waits for Kim Hanbin to show up. He sits down on the window sill and opens the window, despite the light drizzle soaking his sleeve. He thinks back to three years ago when he still had Jaekyung by his side as his partner and as his lover. A sudden shootout later, Youngbae found himself utterly devastated as he watched Jaekyung fight for her life, her body torn apart by no less than ten bullets. She died, their child in her womb died and so did something die inside him that night. Three years later, the need for revenge hasn’t lessened a bit. He will have Kim Junmyeon, and if he can have Kim Sungkyu too, he doesn’t mind. This is both of their faults anyway.

There is a knock on his door and he curtly says, “Come in.”

Young forensic tech Kim Hanbin enters with a bow. “Sir, I have looked into what you asked me to.”

“And?” Youngbae tries to look as nonchalant as possible.

“Sir, you were right. Kim Junmyeon does have quite an extensive network of people working for him in China.” Hanbin places a file on Youngbae’s desk and continues, “Most of them are in Macau and Hong Kong, controlling the shipments from Thailand and Indonesia. However, he seems to have something to do in Guangdong too.”

Youngbae frowns. “But no criminal prioritises Guangdong.”

“You are right sir, but Kim Junmyeon has one person stationed in a town called Enping, Guangdong, so I asked my friend there look into it. Sir, it is very odd, I have put the information in the file.”

Youngbae perches from his seat on the windowsill and sits down behind his desk. He opens the file and Hanbin had already highlighted the portion he was talking about. Youngbae reads it and raises his eyebrows, “What would Kim Junmyeon have to do with a doctor from a small county?”

“That’s what is so strange sir. This Dr Li has no ties to anything criminal. He has a small practice and he lives alone. He is popular in his area for being kind and fair. He is also said to be a very good doctor. Yet, Kim Junmyeon has eyes on him, and this informant stationed here sends reports to him annually.”

“Reports about what?” Youngbae was getting more confused.

Hanbin presses his lips. “Sir, my friend hacked into the informant’s system…and sir, the reports are just about how Dr Li is doing.”

Youngbae frowns, “What?”

Hanbin explains, “I think this person is of personal interest to Kim Junmyeon.”

Youngbae looks down at the picture provided by Hanbin’s friend. The doctor is handsome with his thick eyebrows and nice smile, but how does this doctor tie up with Kim Junmyeon? Youngbae gets an idea. “Hanbin? Can you check this person?”

“Okay sir!” Hanbin salutes and Youngbae dismisses him. After the young man leaves, Youngbae looks at the black and white picture and wonders if Dr Li Jiaheng could become important in bringing Kim Junmyeon down.

 

Yifan sees the last patient of the day out of his clinic and sits back down on his comfy leather chair with a sigh. Today has been hectic, and as the monsoon rolls in the riverside town, more and more people are contracting colds and other diseases mostly from mosquitoes, and as the only able doctor around, Yifan gets more patients he can handle at times. He doesn’t hate it though; it keeps him busy, keeps him distracted from the loneliness that plagues him otherwise.

His nurse, assistant and receptionist, Liying, shows up and pokes his temple with a frown on her face. He squawks, “Jie jie!”

“Go home,” another poke. “By the time I return from the bathroom, I should see your flat ass by your bike.”

Yifan sighs. She scowls at him as he gets to his feet and starts collecting his things. She huffs and leaves him alone, and he does obey her and by the time she comes out of the restroom, all changed, he is unlocking his bicycle. Liying smiles, “Good boy. See you tomorrow Jiaheng!” She waves and locks up the door, urging him to go along, assuring him that she can lock up the clinic on her own.

Yifan leaves, and his legs pump up and down, he smiles a little. Liying knows his real name, but still insists on calling him Jiaheng, like everyone else in this town of Enping. He takes the scenic route beside the Pearl River and he can feel the strong winds from the South China Sea hitting him as he cycles home. He lives not too far from his clinic in a small house with his own small backyard. He has a lime tree in the backyard and he is very proud of it.

He reaches home and his neighbour, an elderly woman, enthusiastically greets him. He waves back and hurries inside to get his dinner going. He wanted to buy noodles again, but that would be four consecutive days of eating nothing but noodles, so he decides against it.

After a quick shower, the doorbell rings and when he opens it, he finds his neighbour and friend standing outside with a six pack in hand. He chuckles, “Don’t you have anything else to do Han?”

Luhan enters his house and takes his shoes off. “Listen, this is spring clearance.”

“It is July,” Yifan rolls his eyes.

“Specifics,” Luhan shrugs. “Are you making dinner?”

“That’s why you are here, aren’t you?” Yifan smirks as he starts preparations for the rice. Luhan and he met nine years ago when the former moved into the neighbourhood and bought Mr Hou’s grocery shop. Since they were the only men of the same age in the neighbourhood, they instantly bonded and became close friends. They are both single and even though Yifan admits Luhan is good looking, he never felt any attraction. How could he ever anyway; he promised someone his heart forever when he was only eighteen years old.

He clutches the spatula too hard in his hand as his breath becomes laboured. He has been here, hiding, wondering when it would be okay to return, and thirteen years passed. He wants to return to Seoul, and he wants to see _him_ again, even if it is for once.

Luhan turns on the television and gets lost in some football match as Yifan quietly makes dinner, his mind back at Seoul, in a house on fire and a dangerous fall into rose bushes with thorns tearing through clothes and flesh, and a small, beautiful boy with voice like summer rain begging him to leave and never look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are confused, Gangnam Kim is Junmyeon and Gangbok Kim is Sungkyu.
> 
> So, yeah, this might be my last update for some time. I am leaving my city, my home for 22 years tomorrow. New city, new house and I have no idea how good the internet is there (I am just glad my rented flat comes with wifi), so yeah, I will be busy for some time. So, see you soonish? I think? :)


	3. The Monster Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some serious torture ahead

Kim Sungkyu is seething; he paces back and forth in his office, his head pounding as his subordinate gives him a report of the fire that reduced one of the many warehouses he owned to ashes. There were drugs inside worth millions, and he can bet his life that the bastard Kim Junmyeon knew this very well. The young man stops talking, and Sungkyu looks up with a glare. He growls, “How did they even get inside?”

The subordinate, Lee Seungcheol, turns his head down and with his brows drawn, says, “Sir, there may be a mole among us.”

Sungkyu’s eyes widen as he considers Seungcheol’s words. Now that would make sense; Sungkyu keeps a tight watch over his assets and their records. He has evaded police and tax authorities for years, so how could Junmyeon get to information no one else is supposed to have? He walks over to his desk and slams his palm on it. Pain shoots up his forearm, but he pays no attention it. He takes a few deep breaths, and says, “Keep this between you and me, and investigate this. You have to do this alone, remember that.”

Seungcheol nods and bows before leaving the office. Sungkyu slams his desk again, and this time he winces in pain, but his resolve strengthens—he will kill Junmyeon or die trying.

Sometimes it stumps him how successful Junmyeon became, since he wasn’t even the original heir, which is a fact that can never be ignored. The Lee faction over the river were just as brutal as his family and for years they have maintained mutual respect and enmity. But Sungkyu wanted more, and Junmyeon is playing too hard to get. How can the illegitimate son of Lee Kyung even get so much power?

He remembers the rumours that rose when Junmyeon came to power. Word on the street was that Junmyeon killed both his father and half-brother, but there were never was any evidence to back that claim up. However, if anyone had to ask Sungkyu what he thought, he would say he is sure that Junmyeon did, in fact, kill his family. The few times Sungkyu has met his rival has left him jarred. There is something ominous about him, something he tries very hard to conceal underneath that angelic face.

Sungkyu scoffs when he thinks about Junmyeon’s physical appearance. It is the greatest trick ever. No one, not even hardened criminals, would believe that someone with Junmyeon’s face can kill anyone, but that’s just how it is. And then there was Junmyeon’s Man Friday, Kim Minseok, who definitely had a few screws loose here and there. He looks twenty when he is above thirty. That guy straight up chilled Sungkyu to his bones. Other word on the street is that Minseok does all of Junmyeon’s dirty work, but Sungkyu is willing to bet that is only half true.

There is something hidden in Junmyeon’s past, and Sungkyu has wanted his hands on it for a long time. However, information about the Gangnam mafia boss is hard to get by, especially when his very arrival to Seoul twenty years ago is shrouded in mystery itself. Lee Kyung, just one fine day, announced to the whole world that the short, skinny, pale boy living with him is his youngest son. On asking where the mother is, he never said anything. Rumours were that it was some two-bit whore from Busan or somewhere, and the fire to these whispers got fanned into an inferno when the then Mrs Lee hanged herself from the ceiling, a month after Junmyeon arrived at the Lee mansion.

The original heir, Lee Hyuk, was twenty when his mother died and it was one big open secret that he hated his half-brother. A couple of years later when Junmyeon had been rushed to the hospital with broken bones and belt marks flaying his skin on his back and legs open, the big sham of a secret was reduced to nothing. The oldest Lee hated his brother and wouldn’t shy away from hurting him.

Then there was the mysterious sojourn to Yongsan when Junmyeon turned seventeen. The boy was there for almost a year, and the scarce information provides that he was at some healing spa or retreat there. No one is entirely sure where it was or what Junmyeon was doing there. But then the fire at Lee mansion happened that killed the patriarch, and next, the Chinese triad killed Hyuk.

The death of the heir caused much frenzy. Sungkyu was nineteen at that time, learning the family trade from his grandfather and uncle when the death of Lee Hyuk caused a sensation among both the national and international crime community. No one in Seoul claimed the crime, because no one would go against the Lees, and even the Chinese factions refused to admit that any of their people did it. But the unmistakable Chinese torture method used was so trademark of their techniques that it was irrefutable, especially when everyone in the know knew that Hyuk did have some dealings with some triad members from Singapore. However, no one ever managed to prove anything and it has been thirteen years since.

Suddenly, when Junmyeon arrived on the scene after disappearing for nearly a year, questions arose and opposition was inevitable, but the questions were pushed aside and the opposition was neatly silenced. An eighteen years old mafia boss was a strange thing to get accustomed to, but when his grandfather met Junmyeon, the man left the room shaking, and instructed every member of his family to give Junmyeon the respect he deserves. Sungkyu, then twenty, was amazed yet conflicted, and when he met Junmyeon again after years, the blank, cold, dead eyes of the other Kim left him unnerved. The man had a deep darkness inside him, a monster that he keeps tamed inside behind that passive face and placid smile, and Sungkyu wanted to stay away. But the greed for power is insatiable and he knows he is waging war against an impossible man.

Sungkyu puts his feet over his desk as he fishes out a pack of cigarettes. He lights one and takes a long, long drag. As he exhales the smoke out of his mouth, he watches the bluish smoke curl into shapes for a while. With his free hand, he brings out the piece of paper he was forwarded a few weeks ago. He looks at the number, wondering as the cigarette burns in his fingers.

 

Miles away, another man lights a cigarette as he stands with his elbows on the railings of a balcony high above the ground. Junmyeon takes a long drag and looks down at the busy street from the vantage point of the thirtieth floor of the apartment building he owns. It should feel good to be so high up and have so much power, but he doesn’t feel anything, just an amazing sadness and a gnawing emptiness, while the monster inside him purrs in his sleep. He seems to be satisfied, well of course, he is. Junmyeon keeps it well-fed after all.

As the smoke curls out of his nostrils, he feels the nicotine coating the back of his throat and tongue thickly. He knows it kills him, but he isn’t too enthused about living either. A tiny spark inside him, that manages to sustain itself despite the lurking shadows, offers him hope that Junmyeon politely declines. He cannot allow himself hope, or any other optimistic shit because he doesn’t deserve it, because this is his punishment for all the sins he commits and the sins he has committed.

But the past, can those be even called sins? Did he not kill his own father and half-brother because they deserved it for hurting him for years?

His father was easy, too easy, and he feels bad that he used someone’s weakness towards him to achieve it. He still remembers the day he resolved to finish his sad excuse of a father and his even sadder excuse of a brother. The arson was easy—all he had to do was knock his father unconscious and lock him in that preposterous office of his and set the entire Lee mansion on fire. There were others in the mansion that day, and he took care of those who escaped in the later years, but he willingly saved only one. He hated that place and he made sure to sprinkle the maximum amount of gasoline in the basement. He loathed that part of the house, even though whatever lives inside him was born there one sunny afternoon when he was sixteen.

The death of his brother was another story, and he had already met Minseok by then, so it was sort of easier. He doesn’t dwell too much on killing Kyung, but sometimes when he meets people like Hyuk, he finds himself back in another dark basement filled with the stench of blood and desperation.

Lee Hyuk. A true monster, someone who hid behind his handsome face and was free to do whatever he wanted because his daddy was powerful. Wasn’t very powerful when Junmyeon hunted him down and killed him though. A faint smile curves his lips when he thinks back to the day he and Minseok drugged and knocked Hyuk out.

_Hyuk is hiding in a poorer section of Seoul, afraid of the Chinese triad who were after his ass. Even after his father told him not to, he went ahead and cut a deal with them in Singapore anyway, and when he failed to deliver, the triad hounded him. Junmyeon decided to take this opportunity and make use of it._

_So, with Minseok’s wide web of informants, Junmyeon found Hyuk asleep in a dinghy, one-bedroom flat that had a grand view of a piss-stained alleyway. The creature inside Junmyeon smiled, baring its teeth. To see the man surrounded in opulence reduced to this misery was so satisfying. Then, with Minseok’s and one of his friend’s assistance, they kidnapped Hyuk, who was already knocked out drunk, making their job all that easier._

_They brought him to one of the many warehouses the Lee faction owned. This was one was abandoned, and has been for a while, but he knew this is where Hyuk was last seen fleeing the triad. This warehouse had an outhouse with a basement that has sturdy beams and a crane, which came in handy when hanging Hyuk from the ceiling with his hands tied. Junmyeon kept the rope hanging low, since he was short and he couldn’t really reach that far up._

_Junmyeon was smart, and even though his schooling was rudely interrupted thanks to Lee senior, his favourite subject was chemistry. If he had his way, he would be trying to become a doctor or scientist now. But regrets aside, he is going to use his vast knowledge of chemicals to his advantage._

_First, he had to awaken Hyuk because he isn’t going to kill him while he is unconscious. So, he lights a cigarette, something that he had picked up recently. Minseok had offered him his first stick a few weeks ago, and he strangely found himself hooked. He takes a few long drags as he watches Minseok preparing the syringes, a total of three in row. He moves forward and he carefully observes Hyuk’s face. There are massive dark circles and he hasn’t shaved for days. He also smells like cheap beer and stale food, and oh how the mighty fall. Junmyeon presses the cigarette between his lips and swiftly unbuttons his brother’s shirt. Then he proceeds to take the burning cigarette from his mouth and press it on Hyuk’s chest._

_Hyuk wakes up alright, with a scream that Minseok quickly muffles by clasping his hand over it. When Hyuk collects himself, his eyes widen when he spots his half-brother looking at him with a burnt cigarette in his hand. He adds two and two together and when he looks down on his unclothed chest and at the small, round, angry burn mark, he glares back at Junmyeon. The younger just tilts his head and says, “What? Now we have matching scars brother. I would have extinguished the cigarette on your back but I already tied your hands beforehand, so that option had to be struck out.” He shrugs his shoulders and orders, “Minseok, tie the binding nicely over his mouth. I don’t want to hear his voice.”_

_Minseok nods and before Hyuk can even take a breath and ask what the fuck is going on, a cloth is tied over his mouth, in between his lips. He bites down on the cloth and grunts. The bindings on his hands are strong, yet he keeps struggling. His feet are only an inch or so from the ground and when he notices the table covered in syringes and small knives, the fear finally settles in his gut._

_Minseok retreats in the shadows, to be called upon if Junmyeon needs him, but he knows the younger won’t need him. He is excited to see what Junmyeon would do next; he knew he had given his loyalty to the right person. He smiles in anticipation when he sees Junmyeon don the disposable latex gloves._

_Junmyeon lights another cigarette and picks one syringe up. He strides up to Hyuk in slow, leisurely steps and when he is close enough, he pinches Hyuk’s torso, right over his liver and plunges the needle into the skin. Hyuk grunts loudly in pain and Junmyeon steps back when he has pushed all the liquid in the syringe into Hyuk. He throws the syringe away and says, “You know what I injected you with? C 19H16O4 or something that is commonly known as warfarin, an anticoagulant. And you know what anticoagulants do? They stop your blood from clotting. While it is great for people with heart diseases, it is also equally great to kill rats with, and humans too._

_“It takes ten minutes for the chemical to work, but when it does, it is going to be painful for you, because you are a healthy young man and you don't need anticoagulants. But I think that I cannot wait that long, so,” Junmyeon picks up another syringe and plunges the needle in the same spot again. He looks at his watch and keeps talking, with the background noise of Hyuk grunting. “This chemical was first used as rat poison actually, in the 1940s, I think. Strangely, it got approved as a medicine in the United States a few years later!” Junmyeon scoffs, “Can you believe a rat poison became the most effective way to treat deep vein thrombosis?”_

_He finishes his cigarette and watches Hyuk struggling with that wild look in his eyes that scream how much he loathes Junmyeon. Well, the feelings are mutual. Junmyeon ambles over to the table and picks up a small paring knife. The dusty bulb and its weak light makes the sharp edge of the knife gleam. Junmyeon returns to Hyuk and draws a line across the latter’s heaving chest. A thin, shallow cut is made and blood blooms along the nearly straight line. “A cut like this won’t kill you, but now that your blood cannot clot, it can and it will.”_

_Thus, Hyuk watches with increasing dread as the shallow cut starts bleeding profusely. He knows a cut like this cannot lead to so much blood, but since his blood can no longer clot, it flows freely. He looks back at Junmyeon, who is grinning and his eyes are dead. He makes another cut along Hyuk’s abdomen and he screams as warm blood trickles down and gets absorbed by his pants._

_“Now brother, do you know what lingchi is? The Chinese used it in the ancient times as a form of capital punishment, and you deserve nothing less for everything that you did to me.” There is a dangerous gleam in Junmyeon’s eyes and Hyuk shivers. “It is death by thousand cuts, but I won’t get that far, you will die before that.”_

_Junmyeon makes more cuts across every inch of Hyuk’s chest. When he runs out of skin, he uses a pair of scissors to cut the shirt off. He throws the cloth away and starts making small cuts all across Hyuk’s back and watches with grim satisfaction when each cut leads to a small river of blood pooling at the floor. He removes the pants too and this time, he picks up a carving knife._

_Hyuk feels the chill make a home in his bones as Junmyeon smirks with his hand hovering too close over his penis. The younger says, “Logic would state that I, of all people, have the right to cut your dick off for you, but if you are going to die anyway, it won’t matter to you if you have your dick or not, so whatever.” He moves to make deeper cuts on the inside of Hyuk’s thigh. As soon as the knife slices through the femoral artery, Hyuk jolts with the pain and the blood gushing out of the wound stains Junmyeon’s shirt. The younger only laughs, bitterly, “You are disgusting Hyuk. I have wanted to kill you for a long time. You fucking ruined my life!” He ends the sentence in a shout and doesn’t slice the skin above the man’s knee, instead, just drives the knife through the knee, hitting bone._

_Hyuk bows his head, the veins on his neck popping out, as he groans in pain. Junmyeon pulls the knife out and the blood gushes out like a geyser. Some of the blood splatters on Junmyeon’s face, which he wipes off with his sleeve. He mutters, his voice angry and low, “You are truly fucking disgusting Hyuk, and I want you to suffer as much as you made me suffer.” He straightens up and uses the carving knife to slice away skin and flesh under Hyuk’s eye. Tears mix with blood and Junmyeon notes the silent pleading in his eyes; Junmyeon just shakes his head, “You are pathetic.”_

_The knife clatters to the ground as Junmyeon takes a deep breath. For a moment, he stares at Hyuk, looking but not really. He watches the man shuddering and groaning in pain in front of him, almost naked and covered in blood. There was not a single area of skin not covered in blood. Hyuk is panting and there is sweat dripping down his face in rivulets, and somewhere deep down in Junmyeon, there is a peculiar fear. He looks down at the bloodstained knife on the ground. He did_ that. _He tortured a man to death, well almost. He wonders what would Yifan think of him now, would he hate him, would he be disgusted of him? It has been a mere five months since he last saw him. His informant tells him Yifan is settling in fine in the small town. As long as Yifan is safe…_

_He walks closer to Hyuk and starts counting each cut. The blood thinner had worked and the wounds, even after close to an hour, are not clotting. The blood keeps pouring out of the wounds like someone left the faucet running. Judged by the pool of blood, ever increasing on the cement floor, Junmyeon can fathom that Hyuk is close to his demise. His skin is pale and he can hardly keep his eyes open; his head is drooping, tucked on his bloodied clavicles. Junmyeon eyes the extra syringe, still there on the table. He picks it up and with no finesse, that he displayed previously, jabs it into the same place. By now, there are hot tears rolling down Junmyeon’s face. He bites out, “This is what you have reduced me to. You and that father of yours.”_

_Junmyeon doesn’t throw the syringe away. So far, he had been calm, measuring out his punishment. But right now, as the full burden of his acts comes hitting, he realises what he has become. It makes him upset and mad, but at the same time, there is acceptance. This is what he has become, and it is their faults. So, it is only fair, he wields the power that ends them for once and all._

_He raises his hands and plunges the needle into Hyuk’s elbow. He hears Hyuk grunting and breathing hard again, but he doesn’t stop. He drags the needle down the entire length of Hyuk’s forearm, till it reaches his armpits. He repeats his action on the other hand as well. Hyuk tries to squirm away, to get away from the burning pain and as the needle punctures the brachial artery, he sees dark spots concentrating on the edge of his vision and he knows he will die soon._

_Junmyeon throws the syringe away and gently, which contrasts to his behaviour and the rage inside, removes the cloth from Hyuk’s face. By now, the older man is too weak to even talk, let alone shout. Junmyeon curls his hand under his chin and pushes his head up. Hyuk’s vision is blurry, he cannot focus and he just wants to close his eyes, sink into the comforting darkness waiting for him. Junmyeon, however, has other plans as he brings Hyuk closer to his face and through gritted teeth, lets Hyuk know, “By the way, yes, I killed your father. You called me weak, and you shouldn’t have.”_

_Hyuk is surprised, but he doesn’t have the energy to show it. He never thought Junmyeon could hurt anyone, but as he stands on the brink of his death, he feels like laughing. He underestimated Kim Junmyeon, his father’s bastard child, the reason why his mother committed suicide. He closes his eyes and lets the end wash over him in giant, cold waves._

_Junmyeon beckons Minseok over, who had been enjoying the show all this time. The younger orders, “Clean this up. I will be at the flat.” With that, Junmyeon turns around and walks out of the wretched place. His revenge is over…for now._

The rest was easy. Hyuk’s body rotted there for a week before someone found him. Investigation by the police told him what he already knew. Blood thinners and more than three hundred cuts all over the body were the cause of death. Due to the torture technique, with the dash of modern medicine, the police concluded that it was triad work, so they didn’t investigate any further since the criminals won’t be easy to track down. Thus, they chalked it up to the relations Hyuk had with the triads, and no one suspected Junmyeon. And, why would they? He was only eighteen and short and skinny, and looked harmless. They still underestimated him when he walked through the doors to take the Lee chair at the annual mafia meeting that year. He was scoffed at and called names, but he held his stand.

Then, when his enemies started to drop like flies and his clever plans and smart decisions enabled the business to grow beyond Korea and into China, no one dared to say anything. It has been twelve years and he is at the top.

But Kim Sungkyu thinks this is all a game; that he can swoop in from nowhere and destroy everything Junmyeon has built. For Sungkyu, it might be a game, but for Junmyeon, his empire is built on blood, sweat and tears, and no one is allowed to touch it.

Junmyeon extinguishes the cigarette and walks back into the living room where Minseok has fallen asleep with the television on. Junmyeon turns it off and heads to his bedroom, to sleep and have dreams about the past again. Sometimes he dreams about the Lee mansion basement and Hyuk tormenting him, but sometimes he dreams of awkward limbs and smiles brighter than sunshine. However, it is the dreams of the latter kind that Junmyeon wakes up from drenched in cold sweat, a rapidly beating heart and unshed tears that burn.


	4. While It Keeps Raining

_Yifan blinks up at the sun blazing down at him. After the non-stop deluge for three days straight, it’s like the sun, and the city and the humans in it, are finally breathing in relief. Yifan cannot help but smile a little at the gentle breeze that picks up, ruffling his neck-length hair. Yes, he knows he should cut it, but honestly, he is procrastinating. He will get to it, he promises himself and his aunt. His smile widens when he finds the woman tending to her small vegetable garden._

_Yatou is widowed, childless and is at the ripe age of fifty, despite not looking a day over thirty-five at the least. She moved to South Korea when she was twenty, holding the hands of her Korean husband. He died ten years later, but she remained in the country she had adopted as her own. She occasionally visited her family in Beijing, and by family, she only had her cousin, Yifan’s mother, to visit. But, now, those have ceased, since Yifan’s mother succumbed to her cancer a few months ago. Yifan is seventeen, and he could have stayed with his father, but honestly, he cannot stand that man and the woman he had started dating a month after his mother’s death, so he packed his bag and followed his beloved auntie Yatou to Yongsan. He has been here for five months or so, and he has surprised himself by how quickly he picked up the Korean language. He can now go shopping on his own and go around the city on his own too; he even made some friends at his new school. Yatou is proud of him._

_Yifan woke up earlier than expected. The absence of the sound of water hitting the roof woke him up and he looked outside his window to find the entire world drenched in bright, warm sunlight and his mood lifted. He appreciates the rain, since it helps nature flourish, but he also hates being caught up in it. He hates how it slows everything down, the pace of life especially. To him, it feels like everyone is a bit slow when it rains hard. The commuters on the train move sluggishly; the sun keeps hiding and procrastinating behind clouds; the alarm is a broken symphony; the vegetable seller fumes about how slow the suppliers arrive to the market; the poultry seller complains about his hens not wanting to lay any eggs. The very air stills as the heavens pours and pours like someone left a tap open up there and promptly forgot about it._

_Yifan, too, slows down. He wakes up a little later, takes five minutes longer finishing his breakfast of sugar-coated cereals and milk, has more trouble shampooing his midnight black hair. But today, he feels full of energy and raring to get his muscles some movement. So, he gets down from his bed and stretches, feeling all the kinks dissolving with much satisfaction. He yawns and rubs his eyes as he ducks inside the attached bathroom to wash his face and relieve his bladder. When he is done, he skips grabbing something to eat and heads over to his aunt toiling in the backyard, shouting, “Need any help?”_

_Yatou straightens up and smiles, “You are awake! Could you help me with these weeds?”_

_For the next two hours, aunt and nephew pluck weeds, lightly conversing about themselves. Yatou informs him that he can have his part-time job at the spa retreat she works at after they are done cleaning thirty per cent of the garden. Yifan’s eyes shine in happiness. Yatou provides everything for him, yet, he cannot let her spend all that money for him. He had casually asked his aunt if she could find him any work at her workplace. She had given him looks, but Yifan knew she understood. He was doing well in school, and he had told her about getting into medical school, so she respected his decision of making and saving his own money._

_Yatou knows he wants to assert his independence, but then again, what is she going to do with all the money in her fixed deposits that she had opened over the years? She has no children of her own, and she does love Yifan as her own son, there’s no doubt about that. However, Yifan has the stubborn streak in him that his mother had, and Yatou knows she cannot convince him otherwise, so she inquired about part-time jobs at her workplace and one came up for a gardener’s assistant. She let him know about the job and under the early morning sunshine, she shakes her head at the suppressed excitement in Yifan’s eyes. She warns him, “You know it will be hard work, right?”_

_“Yes aunty, I know,” Yifan rolls his eyes, elbows deep in mud._

_“Also, you got to cut that rock star hair,” she quips._

_Yifan nods, “I will get to it, I promise.”_

_Yatou chuckles, “Anyway, get ready. I am taking you with me to see the manager today, and then I can take you over to my friend’s place, she is a hairdresser.”_

_Aunt and nephew get their breakfast together, and soon get ready to head out. Yifan has pulled his hair into a tight ponytail. He has been sporting the hairstyle at school as well, and despite his status as the new kid, his looks had attracted plenty of attention. He smiles, and in spite of his lack of respect for his father, he thanks the man for passing on his good looks._

_He steps outside and gets on Yatou’s scooter. She drives to them to Diamond Healing Retreat and two employees taking the trash out greet her and Yifan as well, who they have met before at her house. Yatou parks her scooter and asks Yifan to follow her inside._

_Yifan tucks his hands in his jeans pockets and struts behind her, his beat-up sneakers making squeaking noises against the clean floor. He feels bad for dirtying it. The retreat is divided into three buildings, each separated by huge gardens, each of which has a theme. They are crossing the gravelled path in the romance-themed garden, filled with European-style gazebos and lush roses in full bloom and in every colour possible. His aunt is responsible for the gardens, as their resident landscape designer. Thanks to her, he knows plenty about horticulture as well._

_He is following her down the path, when he halts as he sees a figure sitting on the marble bench in the middle of the rose garden. This part of the garden has roses planted in a concentric circle, the middle of which has a manmade lake. There are benches around it, and a boy, perhaps younger than him, is sitting on one of them with a pensive look on his face._

_What makes Yifan halt is the boy himself, and his soft, radiant yet sad beauty. He has never seen a face like that before. From the distance, he can tell the boy is shorter than him, and his skin is milky white. But he looks too thin, as judged by the way his collarbones poke out of the neckline of the thin cotton shirt he is wearing. He has a small pink mouth and soft black hair kissing his browbones. His eyes are lost somewhere, as he gazes into the lake. He cannot tell that Yifan is standing there, a few feet away, staring at him with his heart in his mouth and an odd flittering sensation in his stomach._

_Does he believe in love at first sight? Well, he didn’t before this._

_“Yifan?” someone calls for him and the boy hears it. He turns to look up and when his perplexed gaze falls on Yifan, the latter finds his lungs constricting, forcing air out of it. With much effort, he looks away and answers his aunt, “Yeah, coming.”_

_His feet don’t want to move, but he has to because the boy’s gentle, curious look is too much for his system right now. He joins his aunt, who glances at the boy, and smiles, “Oh, that’s the guest that came last night. I think he is your age, give or take a year. Come on, my boss is waiting!”_

_Yifan nods his head and starts walking behind her, not before throwing a look over his shoulder. To his surprise, the boy is looking right back at him with a slight frown marring his beautiful face._

Hanbin frowns as he locates his boss. The information he had been collecting on Li Jiaheng has been surprising, to say the least. He finally finds Youngbae in an empty interrogation room, drinking coffee and poring over some files. He knocks the door, asking for permission. Youngbae looks up, his eyebrows raised, “Hanbin?”

“Sir,” Hanbin bows. “I have the intel you asked for.” He extends a file towards Youngbae, who takes it. “He is quite an interesting person, sir.”

Youngbae smirks, “Yeah?” He opens the file and he cannot hold back his surprise, when he says, “His name isn’t Li Jiaheng?”

“No sir,” Hanbin says, his hand on the door. “Um, am I dismissed?”

Youngbae waves him away, and he hears the door click shut as he reads the first page of the file.

Dr Li Jiaheng, or Wu Yifan, used to live in Yongsan fourteen years ago with his aunt, Lee Yatou. He eventually shifted back to Beijing, changed his name legally and entered a prestigious medical school. He used to work at Diamond Healing Retreat for a few months or so, before heading back to China. Why he suddenly left Korea or changed his name legally is unknown. But what caught Youngbae’s eye was the name of the retreat.

Dong Youngbae had been collecting intel on Kim Junmyeon for years, so he knows everything that is to know about the man. So, he knows that Kim Junmyeon spent almost a year at that spa-hotel. And if Jiaheng/Yifan worked there during that time, then they obviously know each other, and he must be very important to Junmyeon to keep a tab on him for nearly a decade now. He wonders if this is just a wild goose chase, or if he can find something useful. He thinks for a few moments, before picking up his phone and calling Jiyong.

“What’s up Youngbae?” Jiyong asks as soon as he picks up his partner’s call.

“I need plane tickets to Enping, Guangzhou,” Youngbae gets straight to the point.

“I heard it rains heavily during this time in China, are you really planning your vacation there?” Jiyong jests.

Youngbae groans, “No, I may have a lead on Gangnam Kim Jiyong.”

“Oh? I will be on it as soon as I can then.”

Youngbae disconnects the call and steeples his fingers under his chin. He gazes at the photograph attached to the file. He taps the black and white photograph and wonders.

 

Yifan wakes up, and his body complains in pain. He can hear the rain hitting the roof and he groans. He still hates rain, and when it rains as hard as it is right now, all he wants is to curl up under his blanket and sleep the rest of the day away. But, he has duties as a doctor, and he cannot hide underneath his blanket forever. He chucks the soft comforter away, and fights the seduction of comfort and warmth. No, sick people depend on him to treat them, cure them, and he cannot shun them by calling a “sick” day for himself. He curses the relentless rain outside his window and gets up to his feet. He throws one last forlorn look at his bed before getting up and heading for his bathroom. Maybe a shower will wake him up and convince him to return to the land of responsible adulthood. Maybe.

As he brushes his teeth, he touches the ends of his bangs, now covering his nose, almost. He needs a haircut, but he also can’t find the motivation inside him to drag himself to the nearest salon. He will be turning thirty-one in seven months, he reckons he should be more collected as an individual at times, but that thought passes each time he sees Luhan passed out on his couch after dinner and beer.

He ambles over to the kitchen and from here, he can see the alley hugging Luhan’s grocery store. The man is already up and around, barking orders at his delivery boys who look they rather be home than work when it is raining like this. Yifan shares their feelings, and as Luhan realises he is looking at them, he waves and Yifan waves back.

Every morning, it is sort of the same. Yifan wakes up to Luhan shouting at his employees, then he makes himself breakfast, sometimes something extra for his friend and neighbour. He finally makes a move to get to his bicycle and cycle to work where Liying would be waiting for him, having already opened the clinic and cleaned every room. Then his patients would arrive one by one; some with appointments and some without. The elderly mostly come without appointments at times, and even though Liying fumes, Yifan cannot turn them away.

But the rain today puts a dent on his cycling plans, so he grudgingly calls for a taxi after he is done eating and showering. He is dressed in button-down shirt and pressed trousers with a red tie. He doesn’t forget to pack his glasses; he developed hyperopia as soon as he turned twenty-five. He waits for the taxi to arrive under the awning of his house, and it takes a little over than ten minutes, but the driver arrives.

“Hi there, sir,” the young man behind the wheel grins. “Sorry it took me so long, water in the carburettor, the road under the bridge got flooded last night.”

Yifan smiles as he slides inside the warm confinements of the car. “I get it, the rains are a necessity but always a nuisance in this town.”

“Yup!” the man agrees. “Now, if only the municipality did something to fix that faulty drainage system…”

Yifan and the man fall into easy conversation about the heavy monsoon and the local government’s inability to fix the roads and drains. When the taxi arrives at the destination, the man whistles, “Are you a doctor, sir?”

Yifan hands him the fare and chuckles, “Yeah, and oh, keep the change!”

“Sir, if it doesn’t stop raining, you can call me for a ride back home!” the driver promises as he takes the money.

Yifan conveys his gratitude at the kind offer and rushes inside. The rain has lessened slightly in intensity, but it is still enough to get his hair all wet. Liying watches him rush inside, and hands him a towel as soon as one polished shoe lands on the linoleum floor. Yifan mumbles under the towel, “Thank you jiejie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Liying scoffs. “I made you some tea, drink up!”

After Yifan manages to dry himself and finish the herbal tea Liying brewed, their first patient arrives. The young boy, no older than ten, is diagnosed with malaria and Yifan hands his father the prescription drugs. Mosquitoes are a menace during this couple of months and so he stocks up on the necessary medicines and keeps in constant touch with the nearest drug hypermarket. He also hands the father some repellent and strictly instructs him to protect the rest of the family as well.

A few more patients later, Liying puts the OUT-FOR-LUNCH sign on the front door and plops two containers filled with prawn noodles. A separate box of vegetable stir-fry is also placed on Yifan’s table with a firm, “Eat.” Yifan obeys like a good schoolboy and picks up the chopsticks. Ever since he has known Liying, she had been making all his lunches. She would even try to cook dinner for him if not for her husband, Weiting, grumbling about how she probably cares more for Yifan than him. Liying’s reasoning is that Yifan is unmarried and single and somebody has to take care of him.

Yifan sometimes smiles, his heart filled with melancholy and affection for the woman. She was there when he arrived from Seoul with nothing but his passport and report card. Apparently, she was already instructed what to do by someone called Xiumin. She took him home and helped him enrol in a pre-med school. She wanted him to stay with her, but he refused and ended up in a hostel. Honestly, he couldn’t completely trust her in the beginning. He, by the end of everything that happened in Seoul, had developed a fair idea of what Junmyeon’s family did, and if they knew Liying, then she had a past that not even her husband knew about.

Later, much later, she did confess that she used to peddle drugs and transport antiquities for the Lee family in Macau. But she stopped after she married Weiting, refusing to taint the man she loved with her past. She had training in nursing, so when Yifan said he wanted his own practice, she jumped in to help without another word. Weiting helped too and now Yifan is settled, physically, but deep inside he is still restless to return to South Korea, to see _him_ once again, even if it is for a minute, he wants to see Kim Junmyeon.

A couple more patients later after lunch, a short man in a heavy raincoat arrives at the clinic’s doorsteps. Liying raises her head from her table and asks, her voice a bit tight since she can tell this man came without an appointment, “Yes?”

Yifan pokes his head out from behind the curtain, drawn by Liying’s clipped tone. He might have to rescue a hapless person again, but as he rakes his eye over the man, he cannot see any signs of illness. The man turns his head around and when he finds Yifan frowning at him, he smirks, “Wu Yifan?”

Liying gasps and gets up from her seat, her hand shooting for her handbag where she keeps the switchblade, more out of habit than protection—a remnant of her peddler days. Yifan steps out from behind the curtain, and in Mandarin, asks, “Who are you?”

The man tilts his head to the side and in Korean, replies, “I know you know my language.”

Yifan’s eyes widen. It has been over a decade since he heard anyone speak Korean around him, and likewise, he knows his Korean is rusty, but he tries, “Who are you?”

The man inches closer and Liying unzips her bag, her hand curling around the blade. The man says, “I have come all the way from Seoul, Mr Wu, and I believe you know one Kim Junmyeon.”

The name he had waited to hear for years, jolts Yifan like he got electrocuted. His feet stay rooted to one spot as his lungs forget to function and his heart races. The man keeps smirking and Yifan doesn’t quite know how to feel.

 

 _Junmyeon frowns at the tall, lanky boy with the ponytail who keeps staring at him. Has no one told him that staring is rude? But Junmyeon has to agree, the boy is handsome in his own, strange, unkept way. Someone calls for him—_ Yifan _—and the boy hurries after, leaving Junmyeon feeling odd under the weak sunlight._

_When he came here last night, it was raining so heavily. Eunyon is here with him as well, probably on his father’s order, so he doesn’t try anything stupid again. He wasn’t being very stupid when he tried to kill himself by swallowing half a bottle of sleeping pills. He knew what he was doing; he wanted to end himself. He didn’t want this life anymore, but to his disappointment, he survived and ended up here at Diamond Healing Retreat. Kyung said he needed fresh air, and when he feels like returning to Seoul, they will talk again. But what will they talk about? Junmyeon doesn’t even know where to begin when it comes to what Hyuk did to him all those weeks ago, kept doing to him for the next few days as well._

_He wanted to tell Jonghyun, but he weighed the possibility of his father believing him over Hyuk. Kyung is his birth father, but Junmyeon can see the obvious rift between them and he doesn’t know how to bridge that. Why would Kyung ever believe his bastard, the son he never wanted, over his real son?_

_Junmyeon closes his eyes and pulls his knees over to his chest, tucking his head in between. He takes a few deep breaths, and at each inhale, the heavy smell of roses permeates his being with such intensity that he almost chokes. The garden is beautiful, but he cannot appreciate it because in his head he is back again at the Lee mansion basement and it is a sunny afternoon. The room was dark, and a little dusty; and the carpet under his knees was rough and cut through his skin. He could feel the blood pooling under his knees and he could feel the blood trickling down the back of his thighs. He was panting, breathing in mouthfuls of dust from the carpet pressed on his wet cheek, his voice scratchy and hoarse from all the screaming as he heard the man behind him putting back his pants on._

_And right now, in a place far, far away from Seoul, Junmyeon feels hot tears rolling down his cheeks again._


	5. Fire and Blood

Drugs, money extortion, arms and information brokering, among others, is what the foundation of Kim Junmyeon’s empire is built on. If there is one thing his wide crime syndicate wasn’t allowed to do was traffic humans. He allowed trafficking in everything but people because he hated that, hated how people’s freedom can be taken just like that, only to get replaced with sexual exploitation. Now, as he peers over the end of his cigarette, his grip tightens on the baseball bat in his hand. Minseok said he needed to set an example, so here he was, about to beat a man to a bloody pulp. Or at least give him a few broken bones. He doesn’t like making a mess. However, Minseok does have a point.  He needs to send a message, he needs to let everyone working for him to know how much he won’t allow human trafficking.

The man has his hands tied behind his back and he is on his knees, his eyes wide in fear, water pooling at the corners of his eyes. He knows what is coming next, and he knows begging will only get him into more trouble, so he keeps quiet, with his heart in his throat. Minseok locks the door to the room, which has paper-thin walls. Junmyeon chucks his jacket off, drops the cigarette on the floor, stomping it to extinguish the flame, and rolls the sleeves of his shirt to his elbow. He pops open the top two buttons of his shirt and picks up the bat again that he had propped against the wall. His fingers trail across the surface of the bat, still patterned with dry blood. Minseok refuses to clean it, says it gives the bat character, as if it is a sentient being. Maybe if it was, then it could sure tell some stories.

Junmyeon walks in a slow, relaxed gait and tries to turn on the apathy switch—always helps to turn his emotions off. If he let himself feel, he wouldn’t be able to as tough as Minseok wants him to be. He swings the bat, the swooshing sound is familiar, the weight of the thing familiar too. Then, without further ado, he strikes the man, right over his cheeks. Now, he is aware how much strength is needed to knock someone out or just hurt them enough so they feel their bones breaking. The man bites back the scream and doubles over, whimpering. Junmyeon leans forward, and says, his voice icy, “What did I tell you Sangwoo? What did I tell you when you came to me with those people from Thailand? I said no, and what did you do? For some extra change in your pocket, you went ahead and tried to cut a deal.”

Junmyeon pulls Sangwoo’s chin up roughly and the blood pools in his palm as he gnashes his teeth in anger and disgust. “And you thought you could pull one on me. Seriously Sangwoo, what did you think? That I wouldn’t keep an eye out for you? You are a shifty little fucker, so, I put eyes on you, and when they found you taking a briefcase filled with money from those people, I brought you here. And oh, the money has been returned, don’t worry about that. They wouldn’t be coming after you, but me? I will make sure this is never repeated, not by you, not by anybody.”

He picks up the bat again and hits him on the same spot again, blood gushing out of the wound anew. Some of it splatters on Junmyeon’s shirt. He winces a little as he imagines the face of his cleaning lady—the woman will definitely turn him away this time. Sangwoo has fallen to his side and the rapid fall and rise of his chest lets Junmyeon know he is still conscious. With the tip of his shoes, Junmyeon pushes Sangwoo to the side, to see his face covered in blood. He swings the bat, contemplating whether he should stop or go on. He looks up and finds Minseok smoking in the corner, his cat-like yes hooded. He asks the older man, “What do you think? This enough?”

Minseok extinguishes his half-finished cigarette and stalks forward. He pokes at the wounds on Sangwoo’s face and the man makes pained noises for the first time since his torment began. Minseok grins, “I think this is enough. You hit him hard enough to leave a permanent scar.”

Junmyeon nods and runs his hand through his hair. He drops the bat and says, “Okay, take him through the front entrance and call Sehun to take him to the hospital. Just tell him to dump him there.”

“Aye aye sir,” Minseok salutes as Junmyeon rolls his eyes. For good measure, Minseok, after tugging Sangwoo to his feet, punches him under his ribs. Sangwoo coughs up blood and Minseok growls, “I expect you to listen the next time the boss tells you to not do shit that ain’t allowed.”

Minseok drags Sangwoo out of the room and Junmyeon sighs. His hands start shaking and his knees feel weak. He clutches the edge of the desk and takes a few deep breaths. He needs something, anything, to take this edge off. He doesn’t like doing shit like this, he never wanted to, but as a mob boss, he has an image to maintain, and Minseok is right. If, as a boss, he shows weakness, who will follow him, how will he conduct this morbid business?

He sits down on the desk and shouts, “Anywhere out there?” He hears feet scuffling and a long-haired man barrels in. Jeonghan, Junmyeon remembers, Minseok found him a few years ago almost getting raped by some pimps from the north. He was peddling some marijuana when those assholes from the north decided to mess with him, and Jeonghan had to realise the hard way what it meant to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Luckily for him, Minseok had some business there and he managed to send the three men to the hospital. With his dainty features and long hair, he had been mistaken for a girl, and they didn’t stop even when they realised he was a man. However, since coming here to work for Junmyeon, Jeonghan has been valuable for them to spy on people since no one expects him to be a criminal with that face—a lot like Junmyeon himself.

Jeonghan smiles, “Yes, boss?”

“Get me a Xanax,” he mutters as he presses his temples with his fingers. He feels a headache coming on.

Jeonghan says, “On it boss!” He quickly leaves the room.

Junmyeon drops his hands and looks at the blood on them. Sometimes, he is amazed by the duality of his self. He wonders if deep down, he is indeed going insane. That won’t be surprising, not in the least. Over the years he has learnt to internalise a lot of things. If he does end up insane, maybe he would finally be able to rest. Maybe that could be his escape.

He hears the door reopen and when he raises his head, he finds Minseok at the door looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Junmyeon mumbles, “Headache.”

Minseok just shrugs and strolls inside and picks up the carton of cigarette on the table. He lights one and walks over to the side. He sits down on the floor, his knees pulled up as he takes one long drag. He waves his wand, the one with the cigarette in it and says, “You did good.”

Junmyeon rubs his temple and sighs, “I hate doing all this.”

“Remember why you are doing all this in the first place,” Minseok gently reminds. He eyes the blood splattered across the floor and he thinks back to the day he first met Junmyeon.

_Minseok is excited; he finally gets to see what his foster brothers do for a living. The Lee faction usually hires goons from the C Company up north to clean their messes. This time, Minseok gets to accompany them. He heard that Lee, this time, has a hit on his own son—the illegitimate one. That, really surprised Minseok, but he didn’t comment on it. What gangsters are up to is something he isn’t bothered with. He just likes mayhem and violence in general. The doctors at the juvenile home told him he might be insane due to his propensity for violence (he made sure to snap that doctor’s neck before escaping that hellhole). He just likes the power he can have over people when he beats them up. He is strong and ever since he started exercising, he has been unstoppable. And ever since C Company adopted him as one of their own, he has been sent to small jobs. But today is his big opportunity. He gets to see, learn and maybe participate in how his adopted family’s business works. The boss has high hopes of him._

_Kim Junmyeon, eighteen, was to be beaten to death on orders of the Lee patriarch. He had been kidnapped from Yongsan and he is currently holed up in a garage in Seoul. Since he was only one boy, three people, including Minseok was sent to handle it. Minseok will later learn how wrong they were, and how one should never underestimate Kim Junmyeon._

_When Minseok sees Junmyeon for the first time in his cargo shorts and white tank top, he doesn’t think too highly of him with his knees on the floor and his hands tied back. Junmyeon looks malnourished and tired, yet Minseok cannot help but think he is still beautiful in his own way. His skin, despite the cut on his lip and bruise on his cheek, is pale and smooth, mimicking porcelain almost. As his brothers put on gloves, Minseok watches Junmyeon swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. His bangs fall on his eyes, and he blinks, once, twice, before a hardness settles in them. He asks, his voice clear and steady, “Did my father sent you here to kill me?”_

_Wonjae, one of the two older men, scoff, “Aren’t you the smart one? Yeah, he did.”_

_The other man, Yookjae, laughs, “He told us to mess your pretty face up something bad.” Minseok agrees, that is a pretty face._

_Suddenly, Junmyeon swivels his head to look at Minseok, as if expecting something from him as well. Minseok just raises his eyebrows and shakes his head—he isn’t into theatrics like the rest of them. Junmyeon turns his head to look at the older men again and Yookjae has a smirk on his face when he comes closer to the boy. Yookjae drags Junmyeon to his feet by pulling the latter by his chin. Minseok, for the first time, wonders who they are exactly dealing with, when Junmyeon doesn’t make a single sound as Yookjae pulls his head back by grabbing his hair._

_Yookjae sneers, “Your mother must have been a real looker boy. I am almost sad we have to ruin your face.”_

_Suddenly, Minseok feels like someone dowsed ice-cold water down his back when Junmyeon smiles, a slow smile that lifts his cheeks up and makes his eyes glitter with something menacing, evil almost. Like he had been hiding and now he shall show who he really is. He says, “We shall see.” Instinctively, Minseok takes a step back as he watches with bated breath and wide eyes as Junmyeon frees his hands from the rope around his wrist; Wonjae didn’t tie him tightly enough._

_Junmyeon pulls his knee up the same time his hands rise to his side. His knee comes into contact with Yookjae’s stomach, and it is with unexpected strength when Minseok hears a rib break, and the man coughs up blood. Then, Junmyeon uses the rope and ties it around Yookjae’s neck. He pulls the two ends of the rope in opposite directions and Minseok now hears more bones breaking; he takes another step back, his eyes now glistening with anticipation._

_There is a light sheen of sweat on Junmyeon’s face and he glows underneath the weak fluorescent light. Wonjae, who had been standing there shocked beyond compare, finally moves forward as he watches his comrade fall dead to the ground, with his eyes bulging out and his mouth wide open in a silent, grotesque scream._

_But Junmyeon is ready. He runs towards the car someone left in the garage and picked up the wench he had been eyeing before the three of them showed up to kill him. As Wonjae closed on him, Junmyeon crouches down and swings the wench up, the metal hitting Wonjae squarely in his jaw. The bone cracks and Wonjae’s mouth gets filled with blood. The older man staggers back, screaming in pain. However, Junmyeon moves in, panting and driven by anger, rash and spectacular, and Minseok thinks he is a little bit in love already._

_Junmyeon kicks at Wonjae’s knee and the man falls on his back, his back loudly landing on the grease-slicked cement floor. Junmyeon sits atop him and proceeds to smash his skull open with the wench in his hand. Blood and skin and muscle speckle his face and white shirt, and Minseok knows he is definitely in love now. The bloodlust he witnessed can rival his own and he knows, with a clarity he never expected, that he will follow this boy to hell and back._

_So, carefully, Minseok steps forward and puts a hand on Junmyeon’s quivering shoulder. Junmyeon pauses and whips his head back, wench in hand, his face scrunched up and covered in blood and tissue. Minseok pulls away his hand and raises them both up in surrender. He says, “I am not going to hurt you.”_

_Junmyeon gets to his feet and grips the wench tighter in his hand. “And why should I believe you?”_

_Minseok grins. “Why? Because you are amazing and I think I have been looking for you all my life.”_

It took some days and much convincing on Minseok’s part to allow Junmyeon to get close to him. He never did confess how he felt for Junmyeon at that moment, not after how he witnessed the first thing that Junmyeon did after killing Wonjae and Yookjae. It took Minseok very little time to realise that Junmyeon will never be his, so he shut up and kept all of it inside.

And it has been years. As the smoke snakes out of the cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth, Minseok looks at Junmyeon and his face still takes his breath away. Minseok had seen him grow up from the scrawny teenager to the handsome, powerful man he is today. The crazy in them both connects them, but Minseok always felt it deeper than Junmyeon would ever. So, he has stuck around and helped Junmyeon in killing his father and half-brother, and became his shadow. He knows Junmyeon knows that he isn’t going anywhere and he will always be there, no matter what.

Junmyeon finally realises Minseok is staring at him, and he frowns, “What?”

Minseok shakes his head and chuckles, “Nothing. Just admiring your pretty face.”

Junmyeon scrunches his face further up in disgust and looks away. Minseok laughs; to Junmyeon, he is just always like this, sleazy and annoying. To Minseok, it’s honestly masked by mirth. Junmyeon will always think he is messing about and only Minseok will know he means what he says.

 

“I have come all the way from Seoul, Mr Wu, and I believe you know one Kim Junmyeon.”

The stranger says and Yifan quickly flicks his eyes towards Liying, her hand deep in her purse and he doesn’t need x-ray vision to know what she is doing. So, he raises his hand and shakes his head at her, “Jie jie don’t.”

Liying’s eyes flash in worry and in a feral tenacity Yifan doesn’t recognise. He knows she is protective, but her hurting this man from Seoul won’t bode well for any of them. Yifan tries again, “Unless you want an international incident at your heels, I suggest you don’t jie jie, for my sake at least.”

Liying loosens her grip on her knife and puts her hand on her hips. She jerks her head accusingly at the Korean man’s direction and says, “What does he want? I don’t speak Korean, but I recognised the name.”

Yifan nods and turns to look at the man, who has a small smirk on his face. Yifan says, this time in Korean, “Who are you?”

The man pulls something from his coat and when he shows it to Yifan, the doctor nearly stumbles back in shock. What would a detective want from him? No, of course he knows—he just prays that Junmyeon isn’t in any kind of trouble. The thought of never seeing Junmyeon alive or free suddenly makes his blood run cold and his head swims for a second. However, he collects himself and pushes aside the curtain to his consulting room. Liying widens her eyes again, her mouth open to reprimand him, but Yifan hushes her with a finger on his lip and a quiet, “It’s okay. I know where you keep that extra gun in my office.” Liying even has the audacity to grin at that.

The man, or Detective Dong Youngbae from Gangnam PD, takes a seat and without beating around the bush, gets straight to the point. He speaks, in his haughty voice, “So, I know you have already have some idea about why I am here.”

Yifan takes his seat and watches in barely concealed disgust as Youngbae lights a cigarette. He really hates cigarettes and smokers, but he knows Youngbae is doing it to rile him, so he keeps his cool and steeples his fingers under his chin. His own voice is cool and steady as he says, “I knew him, yes. But that was a long time ago. Thirteen years have passed and I have had no contact with him.”

Youngbae shakes his head with a short, sudden bark of laughter, which startles Yifan. Youngbae takes a long drag and says, “You may have not contacted him, but did you know he has an informant on you, checking up on you?”

This surprises Yifan—looks like Liying had kept secrets from him. He crosses his arms over his chest and scowls, “Okay, but what is your point?”

Youngbae exhales some smoke and says, his eyes narrowing. “The fire at the Lee mansion that caused the death of fifteen people in total—you and Junmyeon were the only survivor, and suspects. He was untouchable and you disappeared. And the good news is that, the statute of limitations hasn’t come into effect yet. So, if you do as I say, you won’t find yourself in a Korean court.”

Yifan takes a deep breath and when he closes his eyes he can see the orange and red flames licking at wooden walls and expensive Persian carpets. He can smell the smoke and the gasoline on his hands. He had helped Junmyeon set the mansion on fire. When he opens his eyes, he finds his hands shaking. He swallows and grits his teeth; despite the threat ringing loud and potent in his head, he manages to bite out, “And what exactly is your point detective?”

“You were a suspect and the police looked for you everywhere, but you had left the country pretty quickly. You were Junmyeon’s accomplice and only he would know what really happened—that gives him power over you.”

Yifan’s anger and confusion increases, “So?”

Youngbae extinguishes his half-smoked cigarette in the glass of water on Yifan’s desk and the hiss of the flame hitting the liquid manages to make Yifan see red for a second, but it passes when Youngbae leans over the table, his palms flat on the top. The detective says, in a clear and crisp tone, “You are going to help me bring Junmyeon down, or else I make sure you rot in a foreign prison for the rest of your life Dr Li.”

 

Liying steps out of the office as soon as Yifan and the Korean man duck inside his office. She brings out her burner phone and hastily dials a number. Her hands are shaking and she hates it, but she has to protect Yifan—and in a way, Junmyeon too.

“Jie jie? Everything okay?” a smooth, male voice says after two rings.

Liying sighs, “No, no. I think Yifan is in danger.”

The sound of shuffling tells Liying she now has the man’s complete attention. “What do you mean?”

“A man from Seoul is right now at Yifan’s office. And he mentioned Junmyeon!”

“Fuck! That can’t be good, I have to tell the big boss.”

“But before that, we need to know what this man wants. I think he was a cop of some kind.”

“That’s even worse jie jie.”

Liying sighs again and rubs the bridge of her nose. “Don’t tell the big boss anything yet. Let me figure out what’s going on first.”

“I have a bad feeling about this though…”

“So do I Han, but we can’t be rash now can we?”

The man sighs this time. “You’re right. I think, we will have to tell Yifan everything. If the man is from Seoul, and a cop, that means my system has been compromised. I have been found and I will have to go in hiding.”

Liying gasps. She hasn’t thought of this, but as she hears what’s on Luhan’s mind, she sees it. Her voice is shaking when she says, “We are all compromised then Han.”

“Bring him home as soon as the man leaves. I need to know everything.”

Luhan disconnects the call and leans back on his chair. He looks at the cheap old Nokia set in his hand and feels the dread slowly unfurl its tendrils around him. The goal was to protect Yifan and if people from Seoul come knocking down on Enping, they are all in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the long wait, but getting used to a new city is an experience, and i think i am finally finding my groove here. my muse for this fic had abandoned me for a while, but she's here now, so i will try to be more regular ^^
> 
> [also did ya see that one-sided Xiuho coming your way or nah? XD]


	6. Homecoming

Liying paces back and forth, her mind in chaos as she chews the nail on her thumb almost down to the cuticle. She looks at the drawn curtains from her spot on the porch of the clinic. Every cell in her body is telling her to go inside and do something about the Korean man, like stab him and make his body disappear or something. But she holds back and waits for the two men to exit out of the room. So far, it has been close to twenty minutes and she is getting more anxious as the seconds tick by. Also, it doesn’t help that they are conversing in a language she isn’t familiar with, which makes eavesdropping useless!

Finally, close to half an hour, the Korean man exits and when he spots her, he nods. She only glares in response. Yifan steps out of the room and Liying rushes over to him, patting him down and asking, “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Yifan stops her by grabbing her wrists and shaking his head with a wan smile. “I am fine.” Then he sighs, “I think I want to go home.”

Liying’s heart twists with empathy. She knows who sent Yifan to China, and why, all those years ago. So, she simply nods and says, “Yeah, go home Yifan. I will lock up, and call for the cab.”

Yifan nods and shuffles back to his room, to collect his things. When he returns, he finds Liying tapping her phone. He quickly says, “No, leave it. I will walk.” The rain has stopped, but there’s no guarantee that it won’t start again. Liying makes a face towards the sky and Yifan scoffs, “Relax, I have an umbrella.”

Liying watches Yifan go with his shoulders hunched. Her heart races as she wonders what the sea winds brought in to their small town after so many years.

 

“Get ready Junmyeon,” Minseok announces as soon as he steps into Junmyeon’s office. “Sungkyu will have his men down at our stock warehouse in Seolleung. He might show up too.”

Junmyeon was busy with filing taxes—from the proper side of the business of course. He takes off his reading glasses and sighs. He was hoping for a boring afternoon filled with papers and numbers making his head dizzy. But no, Kim Sungkyu had to go ruin those plans. He gets to his feet and gets his coat with firm nod of his head, “Start the car, and we are taking backup, right?”

“Of course,” Minseok says as he walks out of the room.

Junmyeon puts on his coat and grabs the gun hidden in a secret compartment in the last drawer. He checks the magazine and takes an extra packet of bullets, just in case. He is starting to get really annoyed by Sungkyu and his greediness. The young crime scion is getting on his, and everybody else’s nerves with his attitude and hunger for power. Kim Sungkyu is trying to break the rules that had been set up way, way long before any of them even existed. If Junmyeon can respect them, if the lowlife Lee Seunghyun can respect them, if the ever-elusive Do Kyungsoo can respect them, why can’t Kim Sungkyu?

These thoughts sour his mood as he joins Minseok in the basement parking lot beside his Porsche. He notices the jeep behind with its engines running, and he raises an eyebrow at Jeonghan behind the wheel, who just cheekily grins. Minseok is already at the wheel, raring to go. Junmyeon slips inside and realises Lalisa and Jinyoung are already there, smiling at their boss—well Lalisa more than Jinyoung. The young man doesn’t like smiling much, while Junmyeon is certain Lalisa has a few screws loose here and there, but still she is a good addition to their team—which reminds him, “Minseok? Who else did you call for?”

Minseok starts the car and says as he moves out of the lot, “Jeonghan, the new Chan kid, Chanyeol, Jae and Jimin. I also prepped others in case we run into any troubles.”

“No, eight people is enough,” Junmyeon says, though he realises why Minseok chose the people he mentioned. All six of them are a little too trigger-happy, and well, they are good shots too, but mostly they enjoy mayhem a bit too much. Needless to mention, but Minseok found all of them, picking them up from dire situations and personally training them.

Jinyoung asks, “Hyung? Is your informant sure he is gonna hit the house in Seolleung?”

Minseok snorts, “He is the closest to Sungkyu now, so yeah, the news is straight from the horse’s mouth.”

Junmyeon leans back on his seat and sighs. “We wait before we attack.”

Lalisa whines, “What are we waiting for?”

Junmyeon turns around with a frown on his face only to find Lalisa pouting at him. Her bright orange hair is tucked under a beanie with a few strands making their escape. He says in a firm voice, “I do not want a repeat of last time. The two people you killed that day were civilians.”

Lalisa groans, “How was I supposed to know? Which normal citizen roams about on streets at three in the morning?”

“I don’t care. I am serious—if you do something stupid, I am throwing you out.”

Lalisa widens her eyes and looks apologetic. Jinyoung remains as passive as ever while Minseok smirks. He knows Junmyeon won’t really turn her out, but he needs to be a little tough with her. She is the youngest in the gang and gets forgiven too easily. Her loss of control during shootouts till needs to be addressed though.

They reach Seolleung and find the back of the lot empty, seemingly. As soon as the jeep crawls to a stop behind them, all of them hear it—the loud blast. Chanyeol scowls, “They bombed the shutters.”

“Guess we don’t need to wait,” Jinyoung mutters, loud enough for everyone to hear. Minseok palms his face when he sees Jimin grinning.

Junmyeon sighs, “Remember, shoot only when needed. I don’t want civilian causalities. Capiche?”

A low murmur of “Yes, boss” resounds and the group of eight slowly inch their way towards the warehouse. They have decided to take the back entrance, surprising their enemies with their sudden entrance. Minseok takes the lead, followed by Chanyeol and Lalisa. Junmyeon takes the rear with Jinyoung and Jeonghan. The rest stay in the middle but at a distance, so from above it looks like a diamond.

Minseok has the key to the backdoor, so he opens it and steps in. As soon as his eyes get used to the dusty darkness, he spots a bunch of men shouting at each other; he counts them and sees they are no more than twelve. He raises his hands, gesturing the number one and two. The others nod their head.

They don’t open fire as soon as they step in, choosing to hide behind the huge cardboard boxes, watching the men rip apart boxes and shuffling through the various drugs in them. Junmyeon frowns; those drugs are from Taiwan and he had to work a lot to secure this stash. If Sungkyu wants to steal it from him, Junmyeon has to show him who’s boss. As a man picks up the first box to head outside, Junmyeon opens fire.

A bullet whizzes past the barrel and embeds firmly into the back of the man’s skull. The items in his hands drop to the ground, and so does he. His associates had heard the gunshot and before they can estimate where it came from, the others have joined Junmyeon.

Lalisa pointed her Uzi at them and went off, shooting everyone who is stupid enough to try to stop her. She cackles as a man’s knees are reduced to nothing but tissues and Minseok has to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Her sadistic streak sometimes overshadows his. Meanwhile, Jimin and Chanyeol are standing back to back, shooting, even though some of their hits don’t land in the right place. Jeonghan has taken to cover Junmyeon, while Jinyoung covers the new recruit and Jae.

Soon, twelve bodies are scattered all over the cement floor, in various stages of injuries and some look dead. Lalisa prods one with her feet and chirps, “This one’s gone.”

Junmyeon takes to scowl at her and suddenly, bright hot pain sears through the juncture between his neck and shoulder. He gasps and he hears shots again. When he turns to look back, he sees a young man lying on the floor with a bullet lodged in his forehead, another in his sternum and another in his stomach. Junmyeon feels the steady, warm trickle of blood running down his back. He puts his hand to it and mutters, “I got grazed.”

Minseok, the one of the people who killed the man, walks over to Junmyeon and pulls his hand away. “Doesn’t look too nasty, get it cleaned.”

Junmyeon nods. He knows where he has to go to get his wound checked. “I will meet you later there, then?”

Minseok looks around, “Yeah, we gotta clean this place up. Chanyeol, drop Junmyeon at Eunyon’s house.”

Chanyeol clicks the heels of his boots together and says, “Yes boss!”

As Chanyeol skips outside to the car, Junmyeon takes another look around the floor. His precious supplies are fine and he waits for the usual hollowness in his stomach to arrive as he follows Chanyeol out. Death, he just has so much of death on his hands.

 

Yifan comes home, his shoulders hunched as he walks home. He can see the rooftop of his modest two-storeyed house and he can smell the rain in the air. The sudden appearance of Youngbae has shaken him to the core. As he walks up the stairs to his house with his head bowed, he doesn’t notice the person waiting for him at his door and promptly walks into him. When Yifan feels hands on his elbows, he looks down to find Luhan looking up at him with a pained expression. Yifan says, “Luhan?”

“Hey, Yifan, we need to talk,” Luhan says.

Yifan nods and opens his door. It is only when he is taking out his shoe does he realise something. He whips his head around and his eyes widen as he mutters, “You called me Yifan…”

Luhan tries to smile but he ends up grimacing instead. He twists his fingers and nods, “I know who you are. I work for Kim Junmyeon.”

“Liying jiejie…” Yifan starts, but Luhan firmly shakes his head.

The shorter man continues, “No, Liying is not Junmyeon’s informer, I am.”

Yifan puts down his bag and walks further into his house. He turns on all the lights and feels like someone just pulled the earth from under his feet. He feels like his well-found life is slowly disintegrating around him. He sinks down into the sofa and from the corner of his eyes, he sees Luhan take the chair. Luhan says, “I better start from the beginning…I used to live in Seoul when thirteen years ago a friend wanted a favour. I agreed because I owed a lot to him. I contacted Liying and she and I prepared everything for your smooth transfer to Beijing. I kept an eye on you for four years from afar, but when you settled down here, I decided to come here as well. We were afraid that someone might find you—”

Yifan interrupts, “And someone did.”

“Liying said it was a detective from Seoul?”

“Yes.”

“What did he want?”

Yifan throws his head back on the back of the sofa and sighs. “He wants me to help him catch Junmyeon.” He hears Luhan gasping. But then, he feels like he should say what has been nagging for a while now, so, he says, “Tell me, what exactly Junmyeon is right now.”

Luhan rubs his face and replies, “He is the most wanted criminal in all of South Korea as of now.”

Yifan laughs, shakily. He covers his eyes with his hands and sees the scrawny, pale boy he loved so much behind his eyelids. It is hard to imagine that boy become a vicious criminal, but he always knew there was a darkness simmering underneath, like a repressed anger that would destroy everything if it leaked out. And he did get a glimpse of it, didn’t he? When he helped the love of his life set his father on fire. But Yifan had seen the scars and seen the tears that numerous nightmares brought Junmyeon. He could never ask about them, he felt like if he did Junmyeon would push him away.

Yifan puts away his hands and he knows he is being impulsive, but he wants to be greedy and selfish for once in a lifetime. “Luhan, I want to go to Korea.”

Luhan widens his eyes and shakes his head, “No, no you can’t do that. Junmyeon gave me explicit orders to never let you return!”

“I don’t care!” Yifan roars as he gets to his feet. “I don’t care who says what! I want to see Junmyeon and either you can help me or get out of my way Han.”

Luhan has never seen Yifan this livid. His eyes looked wild and his fists were shaking in rage. Luhan quietly says, “Why?”

Yifan inhales deeply and puts his hands on his hips. He looks at the rain that has slowly started to drizzle again. “Because it is my turn to do something for him.”

 

A day later, with a business card weighing heavily in his wallet, Yifan returns to the country he left thirteen years ago. Everything is different and he feels terrified for a split second. For a moment, he questions his decision, but the fact that he may get to see Junmyeon again is too enticing to give up. So, he steels himself and walks out of the arrivals. He hails a taxi and gives the man an address in Dogok-dong that Luhan grudgingly provided him with.

As the taxi rumbles forward into the city he didn’t even get to spend too much time in the first place, he feels like an alien. He sinks back in his seat and closes his eyes; it will be a long time before he gets to Dogok-dong. So, he closes his eyes and an old memory resurfaces to his mind.

_Junmyeon squats beside him as Yifan pulls out some weeds. The rains have halted for a while, but Yifan didn’t trust the weather enough, so he decided to weed the garden today. The two boys are in the Japanese-style garden with Yifan doing the manual labour and Junmyeon looking at him working. The sun is pleasant today, yet the humidity in the air makes it impossible to work without sweating buckets. So, Yifan has stripped down to his tank top. His hair still hasn’t been cut short and he has tied it tightly in a bun to stop it from irritating him. Junmyeon asks him questions and he answers as diligently as he can._

_Sometimes, he looks to his side to admire the way the sunlight falls on Junmyeon. He is so pale and small, and too pretty to look at. Yifan feels highly conscious of his own wild hair and oily skin when he looks at Junmyeon and his perfection. The boy is younger than him by a year, yet Yifan feels like he has seen and done things that Yifan will never understand. There is an air of maturity and melancholy around him, hugging him like a heavy cloud. But sometimes, piercing through all the sadness, there are his smiles—as blinding as the summer sun. Yifan hasn’t seen too many of them, but every time he does, he feels his heart doing strange things. He knows he is slowly falling for this mysterious stranger._

_After work gets over, Junmyeon gets to his feet and yawns. He asks, “Are you hungry? You can come have snacks with me and Eunyon.”_

_Yifan stands up and removes his gloves. He asks, slightly wary, “Is that okay?”_

_Then Junmyeon gives one of his blinding smiles to Yifan and the latter feels his heart drop to his knees. “Of course, it is okay! Eunyon likes you very much!”_

_Snacks turned into dinner as Yifan finds himself thoroughly enjoying Eunyon’s company. Though no one told him as such, Yifan surmised Eunyon must be some sort of a governess, even though Junmyeon seemed too old to have one. He didn’t comment on it though. Eunyon turned out be a former nurse and when she learnt of his interest in becoming a doctor, she chatted with him for hours, with Junmyeon joining them sometimes._

_Before dinner arrives—that Yifan had been cajoled into staying for—Junmyeon had left for his room sometime and fallen asleep. Eunyon gets a call from the reception desk that she leaves the room to receive. Yifan is looking through the sizeable collection of books the woman brought with herself when he hears a loud sob from Junmyeon’s room._

_Yifan puts down the book he was browsing through and runs towards Junmyeon’s room. He opens the door to find Junmyeon sobbing in his sleep and writhing violently on the bed. The sheets have tangled up around his limbs and he is sweating profusely. Yifan understands Junmyeon is having a nightmare. He scrambles forward and turns on the bedside lamp. He quietly says, “Junmyeon, hey Junmyeon, wake up.” He hesitates, but then he starts carding his fingers through Junmyeon’s damp hair. The sobbing stops and slowly, slowly Junmyeon opens his eyes. Yifan takes a deep breath when he sees the tears pooled in his deep, dark eyes._

_Yifan cups his face and wipes the tears now rolling down his temple. Yifan asks, “You okay?”_

_Junmyeon takes a few deep breaths and sits up. The t-shirt he is wearing is falling off his shoulder and Yifan glimpses a scar that suspiciously looks like a cigarette burn. Something cold and clammy takes roost in his stomach. He moves closer and cups Junmyeon’s face. The younger looks at him with wide, wet eyes and his small mouth quivers. He looks like he hasn’t escaped the throes of his nightmare, so Yifan pull Junmyeon into his embrace and tries to soothe the boy by gently running his hand up and down his back._

_At first Junmyeon stiffens, ready to push him away, but soon he melts into Yifan’s embrace and then, pressing his nose into Yifan’s shoulder, starts crying. Yifan doesn’t ask, even though he wants to, and just holds the boy in his arms._

Somewhere while reminiscing, Yifan had fallen asleep. He wakes up with a jerk when the taxi driver shouts at him. He shakes off the dredges of his slumber and pays the fare. He steps out and hoists his bag over his shoulder. He blinks up at the plush apartment complex. He consults the note he made on his phone and sees he is at the right place. He heads inside and pushes the button for the tenth floor.

When he reaches the unit he is looking for, he braces himself. He rings the doorbell and a pleasant voice shouts, “Coming”

The door is opened by a woman in her early forties, whose eyes widen as soon as she recognises the man in front of her. “Yifan?”

Yifan smiles, “Hello Eunyon.”

 

Chanyeol drops Junmyeon in front of the large apartment complex and asks, “Do you want me to accompany you?”

Junmyeon shakes his head, “My legs are still working.”

Chanyeol frowns. “No offense, but you lost a lot of blood boss.”

Junmyeon smirks. “I will live, go help Minseok if he needs it, okay?”

Chanyeol agrees, though his face tells Junmyeon otherwise. Junmyeon stumbles out of the car and walks towards the lifts. He presses the button for the tenth floor and when the doors open, he slowly inches his way towards the apartment he visits whenever he needs medical attention. He cannot walk into a hospital with a flesh wound from a gun, so he always comes to his oldest associate and friend.

He rings the doorbell and he frowns when he hears cheerful voices behind the door. He can even smell cooking—does Eunyon have guests today? Then, maybe he should go somewhere else. He turns around and his stumbling back to the lifts when the door opens and a male voice asks, “Excuse me?”

Junmyeon bites down his lower lip and turns around. The man in front of him gasps, and so does he. Junmyeon feels a shiver run down his back—he would recognise those eyes, that nose and those lips anywhere. His heart sinks and his head swims. The blood loss finally gets to him and he sees darkness engulfing him before he sways.

However, the last thing he hears before fainting is a very familiar voice shouting, “Junmyeon!” and the very last thing he feels are strong arms wrapping around him. He welcomes the peace that being unconscious brings soon after.


	7. An Unexpected Reunion

Broad shoulders, the man had broad shoulders and was probably taller than him. Junmyeon lies on the bed slowly coming back to consciousness and he believes the man he saw was just delirium invited by the amount of blood he lost. But are delusions that clear? That concise and detailed? He remembers dark hair, and wide eyes and a tiny mouth. All those features looked older, more mature. However, Junmyeon knows it was _him._

It is impossible though, he is far away in Enping. He wouldn’t be here, no way. Then, he feels something soft and wet move over his throat. He slowly opens his eyes and at first, everything is a little blurry. The face of the man cleaning the grime and blood off his neck seems familiar, and when his vision finally clears, his heart picks up speed again and he gasps.

The man smiles, “Hi.” His voice is deep, deeper than Junmyeon remembers. But his eyes, they are as kind as he remembers.

Yifan. A barrage of memories suddenly floods his head and heat flushes throughout his entire body. He tries to sit up but two warm hands on his bare shoulders push him back with a shake and a firm, “You lost a lot of blood. You need to rest.” Junmyeon doesn’t relent and tries to ignore how the touch is making his heart nearly leap out of his chest; instead he pushes himself up and when Yifan realises he isn’t going to listen, he places a pillow behind his back. Meanwhile, Junmyeon just stares at the face he avoided seeing for thirteen years.

Yifan was already good-looking when he was younger, despite the occasional bouts of acne. The older Yifan in front of him has matured into a man, yet there is something still very gentle and soft about him, even though he towers over most people and his thick eyebrows mislead people into thinking he is a strict person. Junmyeon knew he wasn’t, and the way Yifan is gently gazing at him, he feels like Yifan still isn’t.

There is a taut silence between them as both men try to understand and compare the differences brought about by thirteen years of not seeing each other. Junmyeon’s wound is covered by a gauze and he touches it with a small, “What happened?”

Yifan nods. “You passed out from the blood loss, and I took you inside. I dressed your wound; it was a flesh wound, so it will heal.”

Junmyeon looks down at his bare chest and his cheeks become warmer when he realises all his scars are now there for Yifan to see. But when he looks up, he finds Yifan not looking at them, but just at him—his face to be more precise. When their eyes meet, Yifan smiles, “You look so much better now.”

A wave of pain, of hurt and regret washes over Junmyeon at Yifan’s words. He has so many questions he wants to ask Yifan, but he can’t. He feels suffocated and he knows he needs to leave. He cannot handle that gentle, affectionate gaze on him anymore. If Yifan ever knew the things he had done all these years, those eyes will never look at him the same and Junmyeon doesn’t want that. He wants to hold on that past like a precious lifeline. So, he swings his feet over the bed and doesn’t pay any attention to Yifan’s protests. “Junmyeon! I said you need to rest! What are you doing?”

Junmyeon notices he is in the spare room Eunyon keeps clean for him, so he makes a beeline towards the closet and pulls out a t-shirt. He winces when he has to raise his arm, but he manages to dress himself. When he is done, he turns around to find Yifan glaring at him with his arms crossed, “Junmyeon—”

“Look,” Junmyeon halts him with his hand raised. “I—thank you for your help. But I need to go. And someone will be here to pick me up.” As if on cue, they both hear the bell ring. “He’s already here.”

They hear the door open and Eunyon cheerily greeting someone. Yifan keeps glaring at Junmyeon, who focuses on somewhere over Yifan’s shoulder, refusing to meet his eye. The door to their room opens and Minseok walks in.

Minseok is taken aback to find the tall, unknown man in the room, but he soon recognises him. He asks, “Wu Yifan?”

Yifan whips his head around to frown at the short man. “Yes?”

Minseok gapes, unsure what to say next while Junmyeon pushes past him and shouts from the outside of the room, “I will be in the car!”

Yifan makes a move to drag Junmyeon back to the room when Minseok quips, “You are taller than you appear in pictures!”

Yifan looks down at him again and he is confused at first, but then he remembers some things that Luhan said. He asks, “Are you Luhan’s friend?”

Minseok laughs. “The very same! But you may have heard of me by my other name.”

“Your other name?”

The man’s grin turns downright feline. “Does Xiumin ring a bell?”

Yifan raises an eyebrow in surprise. He says, “I have heard of that name too many times.”

Minseok bows. “Pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.” He straightens up and walks backwards out of the room, that grin still on his face, “I am sorry your reunion didn’t go as planned. But I have to go take his highness home before he throws a tantrum.” As he shuts the door after him, he shouts, “Nice to meet you, really!”

The door shuts and Yifan keeps standing there. He is mildly confused, but he is also sort of happy to see Junmyeon again. He sits down on the bed and he finds the sheets are still warm from Junmyeon’s body heat. He spreads his finger on it and smiles. The teenager had really blossomed well and Junmyeon is more beautiful that he imagined him to be. But, and Yifan’s smile drops, he didn’t look very happy to see Yifan, did he? Junmyeon all but escaped him. With his feet on the floor, Yifan falls back on the bed with a sigh. He has to see Junmyeon again and he has to tell him what Youngbae plans to do.

He remembers the last day he saw Junmyeon…

_The two of them have been in the hospital for a week. The small nursing home a couple of kilometres outside Seoul is owned by a friend of Eunyon’s. Yifan suffered less than Junmyeon did—the jump from the window led to a broken bone for the latter. A surgery later, Junmyeon was okay but still unable to stand on his own feet. Yifan could have left anytime, but he didn’t want to. So, he stayed right beside Junmyeon, holding him when the nightmares return and coaxing him back to sleep by running his hand through his hair._

_Tonight is the eighth consecutive night Junmyeon wakes up sobbing from a nightmare. Yifan is right by his side, even before Junmyeon throws his hands towards him. Yifan’s heart pains at the tears in his lover’s eyes but he still cannot bring himself to ask. Even after what happened at the Lee Mansion, Yifan couldn’t bring himself to ask._

_Tonight, Junmyeon grabs on to Yifan like his life depends on it. He presses his face into Yifan’s neck and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. Yifan brushes his lips against his forehead and it makes him smile. Yifan feels Junmyeon moving his head and when he looks down, his breath catches when he finds Junmyeon’s eyes peering at him. The younger mumbles, “Thank you.”_

_Yifan cups the back of Junmyeon’s head and kisses his nose. “Never a problem.”_

_“Do you still love me?”_

_Yifan frowns. “Why do you ask that?”_

_Junmyeon scrunches up his nose and says, “I dreamt that you hated me.”_

_Yifan gasps. He holds Junmyeon closer and shakes his head. “That will never, ever happen. Not even in a million years.”_

_“What if you did start hating me?”_

_“Is that why you are sending me away?”_

_Junmyeon drags his teeth over his lower lip and closes his eyes. Yifan knows why Junmyeon is sending him away; he is trying to protect him, to keep him away because he thinks it is better that way. Yifan knows Junmyeon was abused by his father. Yifan never asked but the scars he had glimpsed from under collars or hems told him enough. And a week ago, when Junmyeon said he was going to kill his father, Yifan didn’t try to stop him. Again, that repressed rage that confused Yifan a long time ago came to fore and he knew instinctively that Junmyeon would do what he said, because he needed to, because to him that would be justice. Yet, he was still afraid after everything else that Yifan would hate him. They already had an argument over this, and Yifan had agreed only after Junmyeon burst into tears. So, right now, Yifan swallows the words in his mouth and with his thumb, releases Junmyeon’s lower lip. He gently presses him lips against Junmyeon’s. He pulls back and smiles, “It’s okay, I won’t ask.”_

_Junmyeon smiles and cups Yifan’s cheeks, pulling him down to kiss him. Each time their lips touch, Yifan can’t help but fall for Junmyeon some more. His lips are soft and wet and it doesn’t take too long for Yifan to gently coax them open, to slip his tongue inside. Junmyeon groans a little and falls back on the hospital bed, pulling Yifan over him._

_Yifan centres himself by putting his hands over the t-shirt. He wants more, he always does, but Junmyeon stops him every time. Yifan can see the want in Junmyeon’s eyes, even though his body would be tense, as if afraid of something. So, Yifan never pushes, and allows Junmyeon to pace things. Right now, this kiss is perfect. The way Junmyeon’s lips moves against his perfect; the way Junmyeon digs his fingers into his neck is perfect; the little sounds Junmyeon makes is perfect. Yifan wouldn’t ask for more when he has this right now._

_With a small bite on his lower lip, Yifan pulls back. He rests his forehead against Junmyeon’s and their breaths mingle in the tiny space between their lips. Yifan places a couple more gentle kisses under Junmyeon’s jaw before tucking his head on the juncture of the latter’s neck and shoulder. He feels Junmyeon shifting a little to accommodate him, and then he feels his hand carding through his hair. With a shaky voice, Junmyeon whispers, “I love you.”_

_Yifan whispers back, into Junmyeon’s skin, “I love you too.”_

And thirteen years later, Wu Yifan still does. He didn’t know that night would be the last time he would see Junmyeon. As morning arrived, Yifan remembers waking up to an empty, cold bed with a note propped against the pillow. The note only contained an address and an apology. The address took him to a friend of Eunyon's where he stayed for some time before leaving South Korea, but the apology stayed with him forever.

 

_He has been here for two days before he sees the tall, young boy with the long hair. Junmyeon stands underneath the shade of the peach tree watching the boy planting something in the earth. He is in a muscle tee and his long hair is tied up in a bun with a few strands framing his oval face. Junmyeon deems he is kind of handsome in his own rugged way._

_The boy must have felt eyes on him, because the next moment, he straightens up and looks back. Junmyeon gasps, about to make his escape when the boy smiles at him and waves his hand. He shouts, “Hi, I am Yifan! I saw you in the rose garden a couple days ago, didn’t I?”_

_Junmyeon is a bit taken aback. No one has ever tried to acquaint themselves with him so casually. He steps forward in the sunlight, squinting as he briskly walks up to the boy, who is still grinning at him. The boy has a shovel in his hand, which he stabs into the loose earth and crosses his arms over the handle. He is much too tall to do that gesture, but Junmyeon thinks it is sort of appealing—he has never seen anyone smile so_ much.

_Yifan takes off one glove and extends his hand, which Junmyeon takes. Yifan’s hands are warm and rough against his. His grip is firm and when he takes his hand back, Junmyeon finds himself hesitating to let go. Junmyeon looks up and watches the sunlight fall into Yifan’s eyes. Junmyeon is amazed by the gentleness in their deep brown depths—no one has ever gazed at him like that, ever._

_Yifan smiles again, “Hey, what’s your name?”_

_“Junmyeon.”_

_“Nice to meet you Junmyeon!”_

_Junmyeon finds himself smiling back, which surprises him. He feels his cheeks heating up, so he quickly looks away, towards the ground. He points at the loose mounds of earth, “What are you doing?”_

_Yifan looks behind him and says, “I am planting strawberries.”_

_“I like strawberries,” Junmyeon mumbles._

_Yifan heard him, and he laughs, “So do I!” Then he takes off the other glove and asks, a bit hesitatingly, “Hey, there is a great ice cream parlour down the road, would you like to go with me? If you’d like to?”_

_Junmyeon looks back at Yifan with wide eyes. He tries to judge if Yifan is teasing him, but his kind gaze and shy smile tells him otherwise, and he nods. He just made a friend, didn’t he? Eunyon would be proud._

Junmyeon watches the city rush by as Minseok drives them home. The first memory of ever talking to Yifan, the first time he actually spent time with someone his age, or thereabouts. A small smile makes its way on his face when he remembers how he got a brain freeze as he dug into his strawberry ice cream with too much enthusiasm and Yifan’s gummy smile made its first appearance.

And the more the smile made appearances, the more Junmyeon found himself falling. By the time he returned to Seoul briefly with Yifan, he knew he was in love, and he knew Yifan couldn’t stay with him. The amount of guilt he felt that day as they jumped out of the window and into the rose bushes, cannot be compared to anything else—because of him Yifan has blood on his hands as well.

Junmyeon sighs and puts his head against the window. Notwithstanding the fact that Yifan is in Korea after thirteen years, he is more surprised by his reaction. His heart is still beating too hard, too fast and he can’t erase how Yifan looked at him.

It was with the same kindness and affection that Junmyeon never forgot. Yifan was the only good thing he had in his life then, and he wanted to protect that. However, he didn’t see that summon from his father coming his way and Eunyon asking Yifan to accompany them to Seoul. If Yifan had only stayed home that day, if Junmyeon was better at sneaking out, then Yifan wouldn’t have had to help Junmyeon set the Lee mansion, and the dozen or so people in the house, on fire.

Minseok finally breaks the silence. “Luhan didn’t tell me Yifan was coming here.”

“Talk to him then,” Junmyeon sighs. “Ask him why he’s here.”

“Hmm. You okay?”

Junmyeon scoffs. “Why wouldn’t I be okay? I am fine.”

“Are you?” Junmyeon doesn’t need to look at Minseok to know the man is sending him a very judgemental look.

“Minseok…”

“Whatever, I won’t ask.”

Minseok shuts up, but he can make a safe guess that deep down Junmyeon isn’t okay. He swallows when he remembers how after killing those two men sent to kill him, the first thing Junmyeon did was call Yifan to tell him he loved him. And the next thing he did was ask Minseok’s help to make a safe passage for Yifan out of the country. Minseok then contacted Luhan and Liying, who gladly helped him whisk Yifan off to Beijing. Minseok didn’t ask too much, but he figured it out pretty soon that Yifan was very important to Junmyeon, and still is, no matter how much he avoids talking about it.

He looks at Junmyeon from the corner of his eyes again. The neon lights spilling from the shops and restaurants fall on Junmyeon’s face and his heart twists as his grips tightens on the steering wheel. _Why is Yifan back in Seoul?_

Youngbae paces his office, looking at his phone waiting for the call. Hanbin had come to him a couple of hours ago to let him know Dr Li Jiaheng had landed in Seoul. Apparently, he had headed somewhere to Dogok-dong. Youngbae knows that is not where Junmyeon lives, so who is Yifan visiting?

He is so lost in his thoughts, he almost doesn’t hear his phone ringing. When he does, it is about to be disconnected, he picks up at the last ring. He doesn’t recognise the number, but he has a good idea who it might be. He answers, “Dr Li?”

“The very same,” Yifan says. “I am in Seoul, but I am guessing you already know that.”

Youngbae scoffs. “You guessed right.”

“Well, we need to meet then. I have decided I want to help you, but I need to know what you exactly plan to do.”

Youngbae loosens his tie and says, his voice hard, “And have you go rat me out to Junmyeon?”

“Listen, he and I have nothing to do with each other anymore. He is the reason why I had to hole myself up in that ridiculous place. I deserve something better, don’t you think?”

Youngbae sees what Yifan is getting at, but he doesn’t trust people that easy. “Fine, meet me. I will send you an address. Meet me there in thirty.”

“Okay.” Yifan drops the call and Youngbae stares at his phone for a while. He notes the number and quickly buzzes Hanbin back in his office.

When the young officer enters, Youngbae commands, “Put a trace on this number and keep tabs on it.” Hanbin notes down the number and leaves. Youngbae sits down on the windowpane and lights a cigarette. He has Yifan, now to call in the other player. He takes out his phone and dials a number. The call gets picked up in three rings. The man other end says, “Hello?”

“Seunghyun, I hope you remember our discussion.”

“Of course, I do, detective Dong.”

“Good. Just one more player and we will have Junmyeon.”

“Sungkyu is playing hard to get, isn’t he?”

Youngbae grunts. “He is a knucklehead.”

The man on the other end laughs. “Don’t worry. After what happened today, he might come to you sooner than later.”

Youngbae scowls, “What happened today?”

“Sungkyu is furious—you see, he tried to take down Junmyeon on his own again, and let’s just say it didn’t go well.” He goes on to tell Youngbae about the failed attempt to destroy Junmyeon’s supplies in Seolleung.

Youngbae chuckles after Seunghyun has finished, “You are right, I think I may get the call sooner than later.”


	8. A Weary Load To Carry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO FOUND HER NOTEBOOK!!!!!!!  
> I AM SO HAPPY I FINALLY MANAGED TO LOCATE IT!!!

Luhan grits his teeth when he sees the number flashing on his phone screen. He knew Xiumin would get in touch with him sooner or later, and yet, Luhan isn’t ready to talk to him. He already knows what Xiumin would ask and he really doesn’t want to answer because even though he was hired by him, his loyalty to Yifan as a friend is a development Luhan never saw coming. So, he grabs the phone and stares at it, wondering if he can betray Yifan’s trust and tell Xiumin why Dr Li is in Seoul?

He probably cannot, however, he also cannot ignore Xiumin—that’s never a good idea. So, with much trepidation, he takes the call. He says, “Yes?”

Xiumin replies in Mandarin, like he always does when dealing with either Luhan or Liying, “Why is Yifan in Korea Han? Didn’t I say to keep him safe there in Enping?”

Luhan sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. “Do you think I didn’t try to stop him? But my cover’s been blown Xiumin, and so has Liying’s. He knows we work for Kim.”

Xiumin groans something in Korean before saying, “You were so careful all these years, what the fuck changed?”

Luhan drags his teeth over his lip before carefully saying, “Someone from Seoul came to visit Yifan and that someone knew about Yifan’s past with Junmyeon.”

“What?” Xiumin hisses. “Who?”

Luhan lies, because he had promised Yifan, “I don’t know. All I know is that probably both Yifan and Junmyeon are gonna be in some real trouble soon.”

“Let me figure that out,” Xiumin growls. “You better feel lucky that I am not there with a knife at your throat.”

Luhan chuckles, even though he knows he is indeed lucky. “I know.” Xiumin disconnects the call and Luhan heaves a sigh of relief. He is seating on the balcony of his house and when he raises his head, he can see the darkened windows of his friend’s house.

 _“You don’t understand!” Luhan tries to explain again, “You_ can’t _go to Seoul.”_

_“No,” Yifan cries, “You don’t understand Han, I need to stop that detective! He wants Junmyeon’s blood!”_

_Luhan growls in frustration. “I have to follow Xiumin’s orders Jiaheng!”_

_“That’s not my name!” Yifan roars as he slams his hand against the wall. Luhan jumps back in surprise, he has never seen Yifan this livid. “First, you lie to me, then jiejie does and now, you want to stop me from protecting the man I love?”_

_Luhan opens his mouth to say something, but doesn’t find the right words. Well, he knows how being in love means, and he knows how far one can go for it, so he shuts up. Hasn’t he bloodied his hands for the one he loves? Sure, he couldn’t save her, but he has avenged her, so he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and says, “Fine, fine. Do you want me to help you then?”_

_Yifan widens his eyes but slowly nods his head. “Yes, get me to Seoul Han, please.”_

_“Okay.”_

Luhan picks up the beer bottle from the floor and presses the cool bottle to his forehead, feeling the condensation seep into his skin. He hopes Yifan can fulfil his promise, really.

Meanwhile, Minseok throws his phone on the couch and sighs, rubbing his face. Calling Luhan was of no use; the man is probably trying to cover for Yifan, and Minseok isn’t even surprised. The steady friendship between his spy and Junmyeon’s precious Yifan is something he never saw coming. He hears footsteps, and the couch dips beside him, followed by the sound of glass clinking on wood. He feels finger gently kneading into his nape and he sighs again, this time in relief, and closes his eyes.

“You okay?” Minseok opens his eyes to Lalisa staring at him, the slightest concern in her eyes. He shakes his head and grabs the tumbler of whiskey she put on the coffee table for him. He smirks at the beer bottle beside the glass; there is a bright pink straw poking out of the bottle. He shakes his head again, this time in mirth and says, “How the fuck can you even drink beer with a straw?”

Lalisa purses her lips and removes her hand from his skin, which he regrets instantly, as she grabs her Heineken and sucks her drink in through the straw, all while looking at Minseok with her eyes narrowed, as if making a point. Minseok starts laughing; this woman always knows how to make his mood better. He pinches her cheek in response and she swats his hand away with a groan. Minseok leans closer and whispers, “You are so cute.”

“Says the man who hasn’t aged a day,” Lalisa quips as she puts the bottle down. “You are seven years older than me, but you look my age! Sometimes even younger than me! What are you eating old man?”

Minseok guffaws and leans even closer. When his lips are hair’s width away from her jaw, he murmurs, “I drink the blood of young—that’s my secret.” For effect, he gently nips at her skin.

Lalisa leans back a little and gasps, faking offense, “Is that why you seduced me old man?”

Minseok grabs her waist and pushes her down on the couch. He puts one knee up on the couch and keeps the other foot on the floor as he hovers over her. As usual, Lalisa relents easily, her eyes gleaming, her face a little flushed. When did this even start? Minseok doesn’t know and Lalisa never cared to remember. Minseok plants barely-there kisses across her collarbone and whispers into her skin, “As far as I remember, you seduced me young lady.”

Lalisa gasps as he gently bites down on her thudding pulse, “Well, you were so cute and sexy at the same time, and it infuriated me so fucking much.”

Minseok breaks into sudden laughter again, tucking his head against her shoulder. He says, “Seriously? That’s your excuse?”

Lalisa tugs his head by pulling at his hair and smirks, “I just needed to know your secret to youthfulness. Somehow, I got you naked thereafter.” Minseok flashes a gummy grin at her, and Lalisa grins back. She pulls him down and Minseok lets her slot her lips against his. Her hands on his back are warm, her skin under his fingertips are warm, and her lips are soft, and he likes this, even though he knows his heart belongs to someone else. Sometimes, he wonders if she knows as well—she probably does. Behind the gun-loving maniac lies a very smart woman indeed.

(Both the beer and whiskey remains untouched for the rest of the night.)

 

Yifan walks into the dining room and starts helping Eunyon help set the table. The woman smiles as she bustles back to the kitchen to get the food. Yifan did surprise her when he just showed up at her doorstep, but she took it in stride and welcomed him back with a warm hug and tears in her eyes. They haven’t talked about Junmyeon, not yet, and it has been the elephant in the room since last night. And Junmyeon’s sudden appearance did shake them both.

Eunyon brings the food to the table and Yifan smiles when he sees she made his favourite hotpot. He chuckles, “I am surprised you still remember.”

Eunyon smiles, “Of course I do! You and Junmyeon were my favourite kids in the world!”

Yifan sends her a bittersweet smile and Eunyon sees the pain in it, which makes her sigh and move to embrace Yifan. She rubs his back as he tucks his head on her shoulder and asks, “You saw that wound, didn’t you?”

Yifan mumbles, “Yeah.”

“You did recognise what it was, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. It was a gunshot wound.” There’s a finality in Yifan’s tone that makes Eunyon lean back and frown up at him. She pushes him down on a chair and takes a seat herself before asking, “So, you know what Junmyeon does, right?”

“He is a criminal, and yes, I always had a slight idea of his background, no matter how much you two tried to keep me out of the loop years ago. I know he killed his father,” Yifan says as he runs his finger around the rim of the rice bowl in front of him. Then, in a whisper, he adds, “I helped him after all.”

Eunyon picks up her chopsticks, “He also killed his half-brother.”

That, Yifan didn’t know, so he gasps, “What?”

Eunyon looks conflicted as she whispers hoarsely, “And honestly, he deserved it.”

Yifan covers her hand with his and swallows, “What do you mean?”

Eunyon looks at him, her eyes watery as she asks, “Did you never ask yourself why Junmyeon killed his father?”

Yifan scowls as he says, “I…I saw the cigarette burns and the other scars, I thought his father abused him? And when he came back that night, crying, I knew his father did or said something terrible to him again. I also realised that was the last straw for him.” He remembers only too clearly the moment Junmyeon wiped his tears and said to him in a firm voice that he needed his help. And Yifan agreed because he would do anything for the one he loved.

Eunyon snorts and her face twists in disgust, “No, his brother did them and his father? Kyung never stopped Hyuk, never.” She slams the table as an angry tear rolls down her cheek, “Hyuk was a disgusting, demented young man Yifan, I am glad, truly glad Junmyeon gathered enough courage to punish him.” She rubs her face and looks directly at Yifan and says, her voice hard and sombre, “Hyuk, you see, first nearly killed his half-brother, and when Junmyeon didn’t die, he took to raping him, not once, not twice, but many, many times.”

Yifan’s blood runs cold as some pieces finally fall into place into his head—Junmyeon refusal to be touched, his unwillingness to let Yifan any closer…But Eunyon continues, “Do you know why we were there at the resort all those years ago? Hyuk hurt Junmyeon so badly one day that the child nearly faced death again--you see he tried to kill himself. If I hadn’t rushed to the hospital and then ran off to Yongsan the next day, he wouldn’t be alive today. I was so scared Hyuk would return to finish what he started. But Kyung got to know where we were, and he called us back to Seoul. And you came with us. Kyung promised he would punish Hyuk, but he didn’t. I was there when Junmyeon overheard his father tell Hyuk that he doesn’t care what happens to Junmyeon, not anymore, which was basically an invitation for Hyuk to hurt Junmyeon more.”

Yifan grabs the edge of the table as his stomach drops to the floor and bile tries to rise up his throat. He swallows and says, “Junmyeon came back crying to the flat that day. When I asked him what’s wrong, he asked to me help him. I just didn’t know what I was agreeing to, but…” As Yifan replays the night Junmyeon broke down in his arms, crying for his dead mother, Yifan knew he would do anything for Junmyeon, and he did. Now, he knows, the secret he knew Junmyeon kept all these years. His heart breaks all over and he feels hot tears prickling behind his eyelids. His knuckles turn white by how hard he has fisted his hands. He closes his eyes and takes a huge gulp of air, “But I understand now.”

Yifan feels a warm hand on his shoulder as he stares at the stew now cold on the table top. His mind returns to Junmyeon again and he feels anger, love and determination blazing through him. He has helped Junmyeon once, and now it is his turn again to help him, and he will do everything for him.

He rises from his seat, the chair making a horrible scraping noise on the wooden floor. Before Eunyon can ask what is wrong, Yifan says, “I have to go.” Then, without another word, he grabs his wallet from his room and marches out the door. He did have an appointment with Youngbae tonight to keep.

Yifan’s head is buzzing, and he is pretty sure his blood pressure is rising as he thinks over the words Eunyon said. This is the secret Junmyeon kept from him thirteen years ago, and Yifan cannot imagine the burden of carrying something like this with them. His hands curl into a fist again inside his pocket as he stops walking for a moment. He takes a deep breath and looks down at the worn-down pavement under his sneakers.

_Yifan is in the garden with Junmyeon and the sunlight after the rain last night is not too bright, neither is too weak—it is just perfect for them to sit outside and bask in it. They are in the mini orange orchard and the trees are in bloom, the branches heavy with orange blossoms, promising a bountiful harvest when the weather turns cooler. The sunlight falls through the leaves of the tree of they are sitting under and forms a pattern on Junmyeon’s head and nape; Yifan cannot help but stare at his…well, is boyfriend the right word? They haven’t really talked about it after all._

_Junmyeon and he kissed yesterday; it was so sudden, Yifan is still recovering from it. Like usual, Junmyeon had come over to the gates, waiting for Yifan to get off from work. Then like every day, Yifan and Junmyeon walked around town, got something to eat and Yifan walked him to his room. Except, last night, Yifan leaned in because he couldn’t hear what Junmyeon had said, and then when Junmyeon had looked up only to realise how close their faces were, he hadn’t backed down, instead met Yifan halfway into a tender kiss._

_Yifan was so surprised, and his surprise continues. Junmyeon called him here, and now he is just sitting there, silent. Not a problem for Yifan though, he can wait; he is nothing if not patient. Meanwhile, he is content at watching the sunlight paint patterns on Junmyeon, extremely content. Yifan causally imagines Junmyeon to be some sort of a forest nymph or spirit; he would suit the part, Yifan thinks._

_Suddenly, Junmyeon turns his head and his cheeks redden when he catches Yifan staring at him. Yifan gets a little surprised as well, but he doesn’t look away, instead smiles, a little sheepishly. Yifan says, “Hey.”_

_Junmyeon looks away, feeling shy as he says, “I, about last night.” He takes a deep breath and looks back to Yifan, his eyes blazing but uncertain, “I am sorry, I shouldn’t have just—”_

_Yifan sits up straight and raises a hand to halt Junmyeon. He asks, “Why are you sorry?”_

_Junmyeon gulps as his eyes widen. “I kissed you and—”_

_Yifan leans in a bit closer and whispers, “But I wanted to kiss you as well.”_

_“You did?” Junmyeon is taken aback. His voice drops to a hoarse whisper as he asks, “Why?”_

_Yifan frowns a little; is it his moment to confess? So, he takes Junmyeon’s hands and rubbing circles on his wrists, says, “I think I am in love with you Junmyeon, I have since I first saw you.”_

_Junmyeon gasps, and his cheeks darken some more. Yifan’s heart clenches, Junmyeon is just so beautiful. He leans forward and presses his lips lightly on Junmyeon’s cheek, who asks, “Why would you?”_

_Yifan is confused. “Why wouldn’t I? You are kind of amazing Kim Junmyeon.”_

_Junmyeon looks close to tears and his brows are furrowed, as if he is fighting some great internal battle with himself. He says nothing, just throws his arms around Yifan’s shoulder and pressing his face into the juncture of his neck and shoulder, murmurs, “Yifan…is it okay to love you?”_

_Yifan is getting more and more confused, but he doesn’t question it. It felt like Junmyeon is asking the question more to himself than Yifan. He always felt that Junmyeon was keeping secrets from him, and he knows they might be burdensome. As Junmyeon silently weeps in his arms, his gaze is drawn to the scar on Junmyeon nape—a cigarette burn. Yifan tightens his hold around Junmyeon and presses his face into his hair. He doesn’t know when Junmyeon will trust him enough to confide in him, but he will be patient and he will be there._

Back in the present, Yifan understands. Looking back, he can see the moments Junmyeon would curl into himself and hide behind the walls he built. He would say he wasn’t worth it and Yifan questioned it every day. He always saw so much to love in Junmyeon, how could he say such things?

_Yifan and Junmyeon are lying in the latter’s bed, talking and doing nothing, their hands entwined together on top of the sheets. Yifan turned his head to look at Junmyeon, something he does often, and a lot and seeing Junmyeon’s flustered face is always worth it. As usual, Junmyeon feels his gaze and turns to look at him, half affronted and half flustered; Yifan grins. Junmyeon pouts, “You really need to stop staring at me.”_

_Yifan’s grin gets wider, “I can’t help it, you are so beautiful.”_

_The red that creeps over Junmyeon’s face reaches the root of his hair as well. His gaze flickers to the ceiling, he murmurs, “I am not.”_

_Yifan shakes his head. “You are.”_

_Suddenly, Junmyeon pulls back his hand and sits up. He pulls his knees to his chest and he says, “I am not, I am probably pretty disgusting.”_

_The words shock Yifan, but he doesn’t comment on it. He chooses action, so he sits up as well and hugs Junmyeon from behind. He presses his lips on the burn mark and Junmyeon melts into his embrace._

The loud blare from a horn jolts Yifan back to the present. Yifan realises where he is, and rubs his face. He hails down a cab and checks the address Youngbae sent before giving it to the driver.

 

Lee Seunghyun reaches the meeting place before anyone else does. He pops a nicotine gum in his mouth and looks at the lights reflecting on the river. It is peaceful, despite the reason for him being here. His hand reaches up to touch the left side of his face without him thinking about it, the skin on the side disfigured and raised in angry scars.

Five years ago, Kim Junmyeon burned his office down, with him in it. And no, it was no accident; Seunghyun remembers Junmyeon standing at the distance calmly watching Seunghyun shouting for help as he smoked a cigarette in leisure. A wrong business transaction was all it took for Seunghyun to take a glimpse into the monster Kim Junmyeon was.

He survived that day, and the left side of his body was destroyed beyond help, but the fire for revenge has been burning high and bright inside him since ages. He had to hide, diminish his operations to stay under Junmyeon’s radar, so when Dong Youngbae contacted him, he couldn’t say no. He lost a huge chunk of his business, his money and his prestige. He was going to get them all back, and he has bided his time.

Seunghyun knew he couldn’t go up against Junmyeon on his own, so, even before Youngbae came to him, he has been poisoning Sungkyu’s ears about Junmyeon. Sungkyu was the only one capable of destroying Junmyeon, but the man is too emotional, too impulsive—he lacks the cold-hearted intelligence of Junmyeon after all. So, Seunghyun waited, hoping that he might finally get the perfect opportunity to strike Junmyeon down. But with Youngbae on the scene, Seunghyun knows he can finally get what he wants.

The sound of footsteps breaks his reverie and he finds a tall man walking up to the pier. He narrows his eyes at him, wondering if this is the secret weapon Youngbae was talking about. He says, loudly, “Hey, you Wu Yifan?” Yifan startles, but quickly collects himself. Seunghyun finds his gaze going over his scars; he smirks, “Pretty, ain’t I?”

Yifan shoves his hands in the pockets of his trousers, “Third degree burns, it is a miracle you are alive, whoever you are.”

Seunghyun scoffs as he extends a hand, the healthy one, “Lee Seunghyun, and yeah it is a fucking miracle. You a doctor?”

Yifan shakes the extended hand and answers, “Yes.”

The sound of more footsteps makes both men swivel their head to the side. Detective Dong ambles up to them and says, “I see you two have met each other.”

“Yeah, we have, I even got a diagnosis,” Seunghyun quips.

Youngbae looks at Yifan and tilts his head, “Settle in nice in Seoul?” When Yifan nods, he continues, “We are waiting for one more person.”

Seunghyun asks, “Who?”

“That would be me,” another man joins them, and Seunghyun starts laughing. Kim Sungkyu looks at him with much disdain. “Oh, shut up Lee.”

Yifan raises an eyebrow at Youngbae’s direction, who simply shrugs. Yifan shoves his hands back into his pockets and fists his hands, he is here for Junmyeon, and if that means working with these nasty people, then he must.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO ANY OF YOU ALIVE AFTER JUNMYEON'S SOLO FROM ELYXION???? CUZ I AIN'T!!! JUNMYEON ENDED US!!


	9. The Past and The Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mention of rape

“So, did you find out what he is here for?” Junmyeon asks as he lights up his fifth cigarette of the day. Some days he thinks he should quit, but then he remembers he has a bullseye stuck on his back anyway and anyone can anytime shoot him down, no matter how much Minseok tries to protect him. He knows people hate him and he knows he is basically a walking target. He takes a long drag and looks pointedly at Minseok, who presses his lips and looks at the city underneath him with a scowl on his face.

The office at Gangnam is splendid; Junmyeon thinks it is truly money well spent. Also, this desk and chair set, which Junmyeon settles in and regards Minseok who is standing, looking out of the glass wall overlooking the brightly lit area. He watches Minseok too light up a cigarette and as he tilts his neck, Junmyeon can see the reddish bruise there, possibly a love bite. Junmyeon doesn’t ask, Minseok is entitled to his secret love life.

Minseok shakes his head as the smoke curls around his head. “No, Luhan seems very unwilling to share.”

Junmyeon scowls, “That’s peculiar.”

“Not really,” Minseok turns his head and grins. “He has sort of a hero complex. He will jump to help his friends only too easily, and Yifan and him got quite close, annoyingly so.” He ends the sentence with a grimace.

Friendship? Junmyeon wonders, trying to bite back the sudden jealousy bubbling in his gut. He grabs the edge of the table, trying to find his rational self. Yifan always did keep throwing him off kilter. It has been years; his insides shouldn’t twist like that and he shouldn’t want to see Yifan again. Minseok pulls him out of his head when the former says, “But Luhan let one thing to know—someone from here went there and that is what made Yifan come running here.”

Junmyeon clasps his hands over his stomach, leaning back and asks, “Why?”

“Why?” Minseok laughs. “I am a hundred per cent sure it’s because of you!”

Junmyeon extinguishes the cigarette with more force than needed in the ashtray and grits his teeth, “Don’t be ridiculous. It has been thirteen years. He, I mean…Yifan, cannot come here because of me.”

Minseok shrugs. “Love can make people do crazy things. Anyway, I have my ways, I will find out eventually why he’s here.”

Junmyeon presses his lips together, takes a deep breath and looks away, zoning out as he stares at the calendar on the desk. Thirteen years, two months and sixteen days since he left Yifan—he has been counting despite whatever he likes to think.

That night they kissed, Junmyeon had shied away from physical contact with Yifan after that, though he would hold hands without really thinking about it. Unlike Hyuk, he knew, instinctively, that Yifan won’t hurt him, but every time Yifan cupped his face or kissed his cheek, he would end up flinching. And he could see the confusion in Yifan’s eyes, and the questions, but he could also see the patience, and it made him feel guiltier, more undeserved of all the attention and love he received from Yifan.

Sometimes Junmyeon remembers the warmth of Yifan’s touch, on his lips, on his face, on his hands. Yifan was always, always so warm. And so kind, endlessly so. But Junmyeon could never tell the boy the secrets he kept.

_Junmyeon lies face first on the floor, naked, bruised and bloodied. He can feel the blood clotting down the back of his thigh. Hyuk went too far today and no matter how much Junmyeon screamed, as usual, no one came, and no one ever does—Hyuk keeps his cronies outside, keeping watch. His tears seep into the dusty carpet as he feels pain blooming all over his body. He feels like he will never be able to move. At this moment, he wishes for death—only death will take him away from this all, won’t it?_

_As he hears Hyuk put on his pants on, Junmyeon wonders which is faster to an end—sleeping pills or a rope around his neck? Maybe poison or a blade to his wrist. He hears Hyuk say something, but he doesn’t hear the words pierce through the buzz in his head._

_From the field of his vision, he can see his torn clothes lying a few feet away from him. He tries to get on his knees, but collapses as pain, hot and blinding, shoots up his spine. He grunts as his lungs heave, trying to catch a breath. Then the door opens, and he flinches, fear flooding him anew. But instead of the voice that haunts him in his nightmares and his waking hours, he recognises Eunyon gasping, “Oh my god my child!”_

_He feels a hand on the small of his back and he can hear her sobbing, “Can you stand up?” When Junmyeon moans in pain, Eunyon continues, “Oh my child, he hurt you so, so badly…” She tries to hold back her tears as she collects his clothes and gently picks Junmyeon up._

_Junmyeon chokes on a sob and slumps into Eunyon’s arms. She gently runs her fingers through his hair and says, her voice hard, “That’s it, we are going away. I am taking you away from here.”_

That night they left for Yongsan and Junmyeon recovered from his physical injuries, but the memories still make him halt and try to catch his breath. He remembers how he had wanted to kill himself again the morning he saw Yifan and his ridiculous ponytail. If Eunyon hadn’t pushed him to go interact with Yifan, he would have been just another name and number in the list of people who commit suicide in South Korea. He closes his eyes and tries to push oxygen into his lungs. He tries to focus on the tall boy with kind eyes instead of the monster who took everything from him. The only good thing in his wretched existence, the only good thing…

But then that too got taken away from him. Junmyeon tries to breathe as he remembers the night Kyung called him back to the Lee mansion. Junmyeon had came to the mansion earlier than expected, so his father didn’t know that he was standing outside his office with Eunyon when he overheard his half-brother and father talking.

_“I know what you do to Junmyeon, Hyuk,” Kyung says, his voice is calm, almost nonchalant. “And I couldn’t care less but the less people know the better.”_

_Hyuk laughs, “Whoa dad, and here I thought you were gonna lecture me.”_

_Kyung says, “As I said, I couldn’t care less.”_

Eunyon had dragged him away from the house that day, but something in Junmyeon had died that day. And in its place, something else took birth. For the first time in his life, he wanted to live, if only to punish the people who hurt him. Only, he didn’t plan on involving Yifan.

Yifan was only a boy in love with a mess like him. He wanted to become a doctor and help save lives, not take them, and yet Junmyeon allowed that to happen. Junmyeon knew that if Yifan stayed in Seoul after the fire, Hyuk could hurt him, that he could use Yifan to hurt Junmyeon. He didn’t want Yifan to become a weakness, no matter how much it killed him to send him away.

Junmyeon hand curls into a fist as he wonders why Yifan is back. Who went to Enping, and what did that person say to make Yifan return? Is someone using Yifan to get to him?

As he asks himself the second question, his blood runs cold. That is a possibility, isn’t it? If it is so, Yifan’s life is in danger. He gets to his feet and Minseok throws him a surprised glance when he says, “You need to keep an eye on Yifan. I think he might be in trouble.”

Minseok raises both his eyebrows. “You know you can just ask him directly? He is staying with Eunyon after all.” Not to Minseok’s surprise, Junmyeon’s eyes widen and he can see the other’s Adam’s apple moving. Sometimes, Minseok doesn’t get why Junmyeon is so scared of Yifan, so he finds himself asking, “Why are you so afraid of Yifan Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I am not afraid…” He exhales, and he sounds so tired when he says, “I am afraid of him finding out the truth.”

“The truth about you?” Minseok throws the words around without caution, and when he sees Junmyeon’s breath quickening, he knows he is right. He cannot help adding, “Well, if he thinks he will find the same old Junmyeon he left behind, then that’s his problem, not yours.”

Junmyeon turns to look at Minseok, and even though he sees the wisdom in his words, he cannot help but still feel scared. He knows Yifan loved him, and he wants to keep it that way—even after so many years, he is still petrified of Yifan hating him for what he is, or has now become.

Will Yifan still love him if he ever knew the monster that he has become? Junmyeon is too scared to find out the truth.

 

Seungcheol takes a left from the crossing and keeps the car straight on the one-way lane as they reach the empty warehouse behind the station. Well, the warehouse is only empty from the outside. The incinerator here is really helpful in the disposal of corpses, and that’s why his boss Kim Sungkyu doesn’t mind the two-hour long journey.

The gravel crunches under the tires of the SUV as Seungcheol takes the car around the back. He spots the collapsible gate and kills the engine. Sungkyu gets down before him, fixing his suit. Seungcheol rushes over to the trunk and quickly grabs the duffel bag before following his boss to the back gate. They finally caught the mole last night.

Seungcheol rushes first, pushing the gate aside as they walk inside, and he nods at the two men waiting inside. Sungkyu dismisses them and Seungcheol finally brings out the gun from inside the duffel bag. He hands the gun to his boss and steps back a little, ready to intervene if needed.

The mole, a young guy of maybe twenty-five kneels on the ground, his eyes wide in fear and confusion. Seungcheol recognises him; he met this guy a few weeks ago near the harbour. Jisoo or Jihoon or something, Seungcheol cannot really remember. Sungkyu checks the magazine and saunters over to the guy, his voice is chilling as he says, “Jisoo, isn’t it, your name?”

Jisoo nods before his lips start quivering, “Sir, I don’t understand why I am here.”

Sungkyu points the gun at the man’s forehead and sneers, “Spying on me is a serious crime boy. Did you really think I would never get to know?”

Jisoo tries to get to his feet, but Seungcheol is swift as he pushes the man down by placing his foot on the other’s shoulder. Jisoo cowers, his eyes getting the wild, lost look of a prey who knows his life is about to end. “Sir, please, I did not! I am not a spy!”

Sungkyu grins. “Really? You expect me to believe that? We know you used to work for Kim Junmyeon once upon a time.”

“But that was a long time ago!”

“Bullshit!” Sungkyu shouts as he pulls the hammer on the revolver and next pulls the trigger. Jisoo’s protest is cut prematurely as the bullet whizzes past the muzzle and embeds in his forehead. Jisoo slumps sideways, his mouth open.

Sungkyu hands Seungcheol the gun, who quickly bags it and calls back the two men who were waiting with Jisoo. His boss strides out of the warehouse and he hurries to follow. When they are close to the car, Sungkyu turns around and says, “Do you remember Youngbae’s address?” Seungcheol nods in response and Sungkyu continues, his face is a little wistful, “Take me there.”

Seungcheol drives to the detective’s address, not really sure what his boss is up to. He is just his lackey, he is not supposed to ask questions, though he is curious to know why his boss and the policeman are working together. Especially when he knows that the cop doesn’t necessarily like him. However, as he moves the car up the driveway, he is surprised to see Lee Seunghyun waiting outside as well, his mouth moving, probably chewing those godawful nicotine gums again.

Seunghyun grins when he recognises Sungkyu’s car, and skips forward to greet him. As soon as Seungcheol parks the car, Seunghyun quips, “Didn’t think you would actually show up!”

Sungkyu groans, “Shut up.”

Seungcheol is still sitting behind the wheel, watching his boss and one of his other rivals having a silent stare-down—with his boss scowling and Seunghyun grinning, the scars on his face making him look extremely dangerous in the daylight. He isn’t sure if he should stay or go since Sungkyu hadn’t told him so, thus, he looks at the exchange between the two crime lords with much amusement.

Then, another car joins the foray and a tall man exits from it. Seungcheol frowns; he knows every crime lord in Seoul by face and name, but this man is a stranger. Judging by his simple jeans and plaid shirt combination, he doesn’t look like a policeman either. And he is kind of good-looking too, which increases Seungcheol’s curiosity.

The three men greet each other and walk inside the apartment complex. Seungcheol sinks back in the seat and frowns. Who was that man? He brings out his phone and quickly sends a text. He isn’t too sure if it is important information, but he reports it anyway.

 

Yifan leans by the windowpane as the other three men in the room stare at him, expecting an answer. He wonders just how much he should lie, so after a couple of seconds, he sighs, “Fine, him and I, we had a kind of a relationship. Teenage infatuation, which never lasts, no matter how much you think it would.”

Seunghyun juts his lips and comments, “And then he kicked you out of Korea, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, he did. I really wanted to do my graduation here,” Yifan says and it is almost a half-truth.

Youngbae extinguishes the cigarette in the ashtray and stands up. He crosses his arms and looks at Sungkyu, “So, you smoked out the mole in your group?”

“Yeah, I did,” Sungkyu says, sounding a little bored.

Youngbae turns to look at Yifan again and says, “I want you to be my mole.”

Yifan straightens up and frowns, “What do you mean?”

“I want you to get close to Junmyeon again,” Youngbae says.

Seunghyun chuckles, “Rekindle a romance?”

Youngbae glares at him, but continues, “There is only one way we can pull Junmyeon down, and that is to catch him red-handed. Every time we get even an inch closer, he somehow still manages to be a step ahead of us. So, this time, we take precautions.” He turns to look at Sungkyu again, “There is a massive shipment of hallucinogens coming from Malaysia in a month and Junmyeon will try to get his hands on it.”

Sungkyu leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t need to say that not only Junmyeon, but also a lot of us have our eyes on it.”

Youngbae waves his hand, “I am willing to turn a blind eye for the first and last time.”

Seunghyun claps his hands. “Whoa! You mean we can take it and you won’t even arrest us?”

Youngbae sighs. “Precisely.”

“Meanwhile,” Yifan interjects. “You want me to get close to Junmyeon so I can learn when and how he will be going after this shipment?”

Youngbae smirks. “Precisely, again.”


	10. 'Now I am stuck in a memory'

Minseok frowns down at the message on his phone. The description provided in the message points to one, and only one person, Minseok is certain. His frown deepens as he tries to connect how leaving Guangzhou is tied to this, and why on earth would Luhan keep this from him. He almost dials Luhan’s number again, but stops when he remembers that chances are the Chinese man doesn’t know either.

If Yifan is in cahoots with Youngbae…no, Minseok shakes his head. That makes very little sense to him; Yifan and Junmyeon are one of a kind, Minseok might have never fully understood the depths of their relationship, but he knows that no way in hell would Yifan go and betray Junmyeon. He is missing something and the only way he can get answers is to go straight to Yifan. But the last time he checked, Yifan had moved out of Eunyon’s house and his current address is unknown. He could send his informant to look, but that would draw too much attention to him. As stupid as Sungkyu can be, he would know something’s wrong if his trusted sidekick started asking too many questions. Who can he use for this task? 

He is at Lalisa’s place again and it is deep in the night. He is leaning against the window as he watches the rare car rush down the road. He follows an Audi disappear around the bend before he turns to look back, at Lalisa, who’s sleeping in his shirt. He puts the burner phone inside the bedside drawer. He keeps a lot of his tech stuff with her, and so far, she has proved herself to be trustworthy. He knows she won’t betray him, and if she does…

Minseok sits down on the bed and tucks a wild orange strand behind her ear. She scrunches up her nose but doesn’t stir. Maybe, he won’t be able to quite kill her, because in some way, he is fond of her. He could always send someone else to do it. Perhaps, he would miss her if she did have to die. He gets up from the bed again and rummages through her wardrobe and is successful when he finds a hoodie he probably left here. It smells clean as he puts it on. He puts on his denims as well and doesn’t bother with his hair as he kisses Lalisa’s cheek.

When he is at his car, he dials a number. After a few rings, a groggy voice says, “Hyung, it is three thirty in the morning. If someone needs to be dead, can we wait till the sun has risen?”

Minseok chuckles, “Shut up Jeonghan. I need your help, so get up. I will be coming over.”

Jeonghan agrees, though he doesn’t sound too happy about it. Minseok gets to his house in record time—the lack of traffic is helpful. Jeonghan opens the door for him, his eyes puffy and his hair a mess. A kettle whistles and Jeonghan hurries to it. “Tea, hyung? I have this fancy flower blend.”

Minseok shrugs as he sits down at the counter. Jeonghan hands him a cup and a bottle of sweetener. As Minseok stirs in the agave sweetener, his eyes fall on the picture stuck on the fridge with a magnet. It is of Jeonghan and his boyfriend; Minseok points at it, “Didn’t I say to leave no evidence of you two around?”

Jeonghan yawns as he sits opposite Minseok. He rolls his eyes when he sees what the older is pointing at, “Oh please hyung, no one knows about this address but you.”

Minseok takes a sip and tastes roses and cranberries. He decides he likes it.  “Yes, but you can never be too careful.”

Jeonghan looks at the picture over his shoulder. “I haven’t seen him in a year…is he okay?” Minseok nods. He turns to frown at Minseok, “But why hide it from boss? You even told him such a tall story about how you found me.”

“The less he knows, the more I can protect him,” Minseok says. “The less he knows about you or him, the more quickly can I bring down that son of a bitch.”

Jeonghan nods, maybe he understands, even though he misses his lover every day. But as soon as this gets over, the sooner he gets to see him again. “Now, why did you wake me up so early?”

Minseok gulps the mouthful of tea he has and then says, “I need you to find someone, and fast.”

Jeonghan just sighs. What else was he expecting?

 

“Is the place okay?” Luhan asks.

Yifan puts the phone between his head and shoulder as he locks the door behind him. “Yeah. Pretty discreet.”

“But why did you even need to leave? Wasn’t Eunyon feeding you?”

Yifan chuckles. “No, she was, and she is an amazing cook. But I need to lay low, and away, from both Youngbae and Minseok.”

“Minseok?”

“Oh sorry, Xiumin to you.”

“Oh yeah, right. That’s his Korean name, I keep forgetting.” Yifan scoffs. “Anyway, gotta go, I have new stock coming.”

“Right, bye, and thanks.”

Yifan disconnects the call and puts the bag of grocery on the tiny kitchen counter. He looks around the small one-bedroom apartment. It is sparsely furnished, but it will do. Yifan isn’t looking to permanently stay here anyway. He doesn’t know what happens next. As he fills the refrigerator with the food he bought, he wonders how this is supposed to end. Will he stay or will he return to Enping? It all depends on Junmyeon really—if he doesn’t want Yifan to be around, he won’t waste time in convincing him otherwise. After all, it has been years, and people change, and feelings change. Junmyeon may no longer be in love with him, and Yifan is trying to find some semblance of peace with it.

_“I love you,” Yifan declares all of a sudden._

_Junmyeon gets startled. He had been busy watching the rain pour, trailing down the glass window, making serpentine shapes, and Yifan has been busy staring at the boy in his arms. They were in the empty breakfast room, tucked against each other on the couch by the big window. He moves, pushing himself away from Yifan’s warmth as he turns around to frown at Yifan. He says, “Do you mean that?”_

_Yifan cups Junmyeon’s chin and smiles, “Of course I do!”_

_“But,” Junmyeon moves so now he is facing Yifan. “What if you change your mind tomorrow?”_

_Yifan shakes his head. “Love doesn’t work that way Junmyeon.”_

_Junmyeon draws his knees to his chest and pouts. “What would you know? Have you been in love before?”_

_Yifan shakes his head again, “No. You are my first.”_

_Junmyeon’s eyes widen. “Seriously?” When Yifan nods, Junmyeon inhales deeply. “How can you be so sure?”_

_Yifan scoots closer and kisses Junmyeon’s temple. “You make me feel like…I am flying?” Yifan doesn’t know how to quite word it, but he tries, “Like it is scary but exciting all at the same time? It’s like I am flying through endless skies and my heart is on overdrive, but I am fine. I like this feeling, this rush.”_

_Yifan watches Junmyeon duck his head to hide his blush. He tentatively asks, “Junmyeon, did I say too much?”_

_To his surprise, Junmyeon takes Yifan’s hand and puts his against his chest, where his heart beats fast. He whispers, his voice filled with a strange emotion, “You make me feel the same Yifan.”_

_And when Yifan kisses him, he realises he hasn’t been this happy in a long time._

In the present, Yifan touches his lips and smiles. That whole year, well almost a year, was amazing. He found love, even though he also discovered heartbreak, but above it all, he met Junmyeon, and his life changed. He doesn’t resent anyone for whatever happened.

Luhan, Minseok or Youngbae—no one will actually understand how being in love with someone who’s not around feels like, especially someone who you know physically exists, and is breathing but under a different sky. He knows about Luhan’s past and Youngbae’s too, and he knows they suffer, but he suffers in a whole different way. The thirteen he years he was away in another country, there wasn’t a single day he didn’t think about Junmyeon. To know, that miles away, Junmyeon was still breathing and that Yifan couldn’t see him, couldn’t touch him killed him. But over the years he got better at hiding it, even though it was difficult in the beginning when every attempt at communicating with Junmyeon failed.

Yifan suddenly gets this strange urge. He remembers the address Eunyon gave him, but chances are, he won’t be there, or he won’t notice. But the crazy urge doesn’t leave, so he grabs his wallet and the keys to his rented car; his mind made up to head to Gangnam.

However, Yifan only manages to walk some distance on the curb when something yanks him from the behind and surprises him. And before he could understand what has happened, he gets dragged and pushed up something hard, hitting the back of his head. He hisses and closes his eyes in pain. He feels someone has their forearm pressed on his throat, and when he opens his eyes, he recognises the face scowling up at him.

 

Junmyeon counts the money for his lunch order and heads back inside to his bedroom. Minseok is most probably at the office or at Lalisa’s place still. No matter how discreet those two try to be, he got to know anyway when last night he saw them leave together; Lalisa grabbing Minseok’s butt before they got into the car was a major giveaway. That explained the love bites. Also, he really wasn’t surprised—guess crazy truly attracts crazy and those two are probably the most psychopathic people he has ever met.

He crawls under the cover and watches the rain pour outside. Now that he is home and there isn’t any business bothering him, he evidently finds his mind turning to Yifan, just like it does every time it rains. One Korean monsoon an age ago, Junmyeon found the tiniest sliver of happiness, but he couldn’t keep it.

Junmyeon loathes how much he hoped during those ten months. Didn’t he know nothing good can stay in his life? In retrospect, he’d like to blame being young and stupid for his optimism. If he could get a time machine, he would stop himself from saying yes to the offer of strawberry ice cream. He would tell himself to not be bewitched by sparkling eyes and gummy smiles.

_This is his first time hanging out with someone his age, or around his age. Anyway, he doesn’t know what to say or do as Yifan and he walk to the ice cream parlour. He doesn’t know why he even said yes, but no one has looked at him and not been disgusted with him on first sight. There is only Eunyon who has never done that, and now Yifan. A complete stranger is friendlier to him than his own blood._

_They reach the parlour, and the girl behind the counter seems to already know Yifan as she chirps, “Strawberry sundae again?”_

_Yifan chuckles as he scratches the back of his neck. He glances towards Junmyeon and holds up two fingers in the air, “Two servings this time.”_

_The girl looks at Junmyeon and smiles at him. Junmyeon quickly bows and she chuckles, “Oh, he’s so cute! What’s your name?”_

_“Kim Junmyeon.”_

_“Nice to meet you Junmyeon, go ahead and take a seat. I will be with you shortly!”_

_They take their seats by the window and Junmyeon is suddenly feeling shy when Yifan flashes him a wide, gummy smile. He feels his cheeks warming as he chooses to instead bore holes into the table. He can feel Yifan’s gaze on him, and he thinks he should initiate conversation, but he doesn’t know how to. What do people his age even talk about?_

_However, Yifan saves him as he starts talking about himself. Slowly, Junmyeon gets reeled in Yifan’s animated speech about planting strawberries and his aunt’s garden. Their sundaes arrive, and the girl is all smiles as she serves them._

_Junmyeon and Yifan eat their sundaes, and Junmyeon ends up learning a lot about the taller boy. He knows Yifan is a few months older than him, really enjoys nature and doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty, and that he wants to be a doctor. Junmyeon also learns Yifan likes reading and he will read anything—from sci-fi to non-fiction. By the end of an hour, Junmyeon can’t look away from Yifan’s smile and his deep, twinkling eyes; he can’t stop wanting to hear the other speak on and on about plants he has never heard of or books he has never read. Yifan isn’t perfect—his skin is slightly oily, sunburnt also, his lips are chapped and his hair is far too long. But Junmyeon cannot look away._

_For the first time in his life, Junmyeon feels something. A pull, a desire to get close to someone, to get to know someone. He glances down at Yifan’s hands and he notes how despite their size, they are good hands. They aren’t manicured or accessorised by diamond rings, burning scars into his skin; Yifan’s hands look rough, his nails have dirt under them and the middle finger on his right hand has a small scar on it. Somewhere in his head, a small voice tells him that Yifan wouldn’t hurt him._

_Suddenly, his throat clogs up and he feels the back of his eyes burning. Yifan notes the shift in his expression and instantly becomes worried. He jerks forward, and his thick brows knit as he asks, “Hey, you okay?”_

_Junmyeon shakes his head and feels stupid and shy when he stares at the tablecloth again. He mumbles, “I have never made a friend…”_

_Yifan hears him, and Junmyeon thinks he did. He dreads Yifan’s judgement, but to his surprise, Yifan says, “That’s okay. I will be your friend—for long as you want me to be.”_

_Junmyeon’s head snaps back up and his eyes widen when he sees the gentle look in Yifan’s eyes and the small smile on his face. He feels this odd fluttery sensation in his stomach as his heart thumps loudly in his chest._ Friends _?_

_Junmyeon drops his gaze back to the table again as he smiles a little. “Thank you,” he whispers more to himself. And for the first time in a long time, he recognises the warm feeling in the middle of his chest—it’s happiness._

 

Minseok waits outside the nondescript apartment complex and deep down acknowledges Yifan’s resourcefulness. He cannot believe it took him so long to find the Chinese man in the city that he knows like the back of his hands. If it wasn’t for Jeonghan and his wide network of street urchins, he wouldn’t have been able to locate Yifan. He waits but doesn’t has to wait for hours because in the next twenty minutes Yifan steps out of the building himself. Minseok had already mapped out the area in his head, so he carefully steps behind Yifan and when the first side lane appears, Minseok hastens his steps and swiftly winds his hand around Yifan’s neck, his forearm pressing into the other’s larynx.

Minseok hears Yifan choke on his breath and the height difference is staggering, but Minseok has brute force on his side, so he easily drags Yifan into the narrow lane. He turns Yifan around and the taller tries to defend himself; Yifan tries to punch Minseok but the latter is faster, stronger and soon with his forearm firmly pressed against the base of Yifan’s neck, he pushes the taller man up the wall with enough force to make knock the breath out of Yifan.

Minseok allows Yifan’s eyes to adjust to the shadows in the lane and lessens the pressure on his airway slightly to allow him some room to breathe before he growls under his breath, “What the fuck are you up to Wu?”

“Xiumin?” Yifan pants.

“You can also call me Minseok, but I need to know what the fuck are you doing with Detective Youngbae.”

Minseok watches with anger bubbling in his guts as Yifan’s eyes widen and his breath quickens. He puts on his coldest glare and Yifan swallows. “I—I can’t tell you.”

Minseok hisses as he narrows his eyes, “Oh, but you will. If you hurt even a single hair on Junmyeon’s head, I will finish you, and I wouldn’t care how he would feel about that.”

Yifan’s stance suddenly changes. His fearful eyes turn slightly calculating as the silence between them swells. Minseok wonders what is going through Yifan’s mind when the other frowns down at him. Yifan finally speaks, “You sound like you are in love with him.”

Okay, Minseok knew Yifan was smart (he passed every entrance exam with hardly any prep time), but he didn’t think he would be this observant. Minseok closes his eyes for half of a second and he falters slightly as his heart painfully clenches. Thirteen years, and here he is, still so fucking affected by his stupid one-sided love. Yifan takes the window of opportunity and pushes Minseok off him. “You love him, and so do I. if you would do anything to protect him, so would I, even it means siding with the bad guys.”

Minseok chuckles as he runs a hand through his hair. “We are all the bad guys here.” Then his gaze hardens as he looks back up at Yifan, “But you, you have no business here. You are not one of us.”

Yifan’s gaze is equally harsh as he replies, “That has never been for you, or Junmyeon to decide, has it?”

Minseok doesn’t know how he is supposed to answer that, so he stays there, pondering as he watches Yifan walk away.

 

Yifan wanted to go see Junmyeon, but the conversation with Minseok left him shaken in so many ways. Thirteen years have passed, did he really expect Junmyeon to wait for him? Of course he would move on, of course he would find someone to love him because it is so easy to fall for him after all. And Minseok did seem like he would lay his life down for Junmyeon.

He rounds a corner and finds a park. He finds an empty seat and sits down. He looks at a street vendor selling children ice cream and he sees the glee on their faces, and the affectionate gazes of their parents. Yifan’s heart twists with a pain he cannot recognize. Maybe, he does.

There was never going to be a happy ending for him. What was he expecting to get after coming here? For Junmyeon to come running to him? He was, wasn’t he. But he failed to understand that people change, and more importantly feelings change. Junmyeon obviously doesn’t need him, he has no business here, like Minseok said. He is not one of the ‘bad guys’ but he knows he is not qualified to be one the ‘good guys’ as well.

_Yifan knows Junmyeon has something weighing on his mind, and heavily too, ever since he returned from his father’s mansion. Yifan was perusing through Eunyon’s considerable collection of books when the woman returned with Junmyeon. He thought it would take them hours, but they were back in hardly an hour. He was about ask what happened but one look at Junmyeon’s red eyes and Eunyon’s stony expression, he shut up and camped out in the living room with a gut feeling that Junmyeon would come to him._

_And he is proven right, when at midnight, Junmyeon walks out of his room dressed in black. The shorter is startled to find Yifan in the living room, stalking towards him. Yifan rakes his gaze over Junmyeon’s outfit and jokes, “Are you going to rob someone?”_

_Junmyeon’s gaze shifts and his head drops. Yifan’s grin drops; and it drops further when he notices the duffel bag Junmyeon is carrying. He pries the bag from Junmyeon’s hand who only puts up half a protest. Yifan unzips the bag and takes a deep breath when he finds paraphernalia of arson in it. His hands shake when he also finds a small automatic gun nestled under a box of matches. He looks back up at Junmyeon as his heart pounds. He can see the shorter boy weep silently. He has a hunch and as he zips the bag up, he says, “Wait for me here, I am coming with you.”_

_Junmyeon’s eyes widen. He yelps, “No—”_

_Yifan cups his face and kisses him to stop him from protesting. When Junmyeon is distracted by the kiss, Yifan pulls back and says, “I am not letting you do this on your own. You could end up hurting yourself.”_

Looking back Yifan cannot tell what exactly made him go with Junmyeon to the Lee mansion that night. It was love, of course it was, but what made him follow Junmyeon, lock all the doors and windows of the mansion and help Junmyeon in rendering his father unconscious in his bedroom? He remembers feeling no guilt or remorse when he heard those people screaming in agony when they realized they were all going to get burned to their deaths in the locked house.

Yifan just wanted to save Junmyeon, share the burden of death with him, and here he is, wanting to do the same again, even though he no longer has a place in Junmyeon’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title taken from the song 'Love and Memories' by O.A.R


	11. Blood Red Roses

Junmyeon looks up from his bowl of ramen as the door clicks open. Minseok strolls in, though he looks tense; his casual stance just does not match his face. His eyebrows are deeply furrowed, his eyes don’t have the usual slight off-kilter gleam in his eyes, and his mouth is pressed in a thin line. Junmyeon slurps the mouthful of noodles in and quickly swallows it. Minseok turns his gaze towards him and Junmyeon is taken aback at the intensity of his gaze. Some serious shit must have gone down, so he asks, “Hey, everything okay?”

Minseok sits down on the opposite chair on the dining table. Slowly, a tad bit dramatic maybe, he shakes his head. He puts one forearm on the table as he leans sideways in the chair. He says, his eyes hooded, “Do you know what your lover boy is up to?”

At first Junmyeon is confused, but it only lasts a moment as his face warms up. He stutters, “Don’t, don’t call him that.” He frowns down at the soupy remains of his dinner as Yifan’s smile flashes in his mind. He inhales deeply as the smile refuses to go back to the deepest corner of his mind, where he had buried it. However, ever since Yifan has been back, Junmyeon finds it harder to breathe at times, and his dreams are filled with the happiness he felt once upon a time.

Minseok leans forward and his voice is unusually hard as he says, “He has teamed up with Youngbae and Sungkyu.”

Junmyeon’s head snaps back up so fast, Minseok is half afraid he got whiplash. Minseok watches as Junmyeon’s gaze first shows disbelief, then confusion and finally incredulity. Junmyeon shakes his head as he keeps muttering, “No, no, no…”

Minseok rises from his seat, and the chair dragging over the tiled floor makes Junmyeon flinch a little. As Minseok notes the way Junmyeon scrunches up his face and squeezes his eye shut at the sound, he finally understands some things. He sees how Junmyeon slightly trembles in his seat and tries to breathe, as if the very thought of Yifan betraying him is enough to crush his lungs. He concurred, “You should have fucking cut him off when you could have. He is your weakness, look at you,” he snarls,“You look so pathetic.”

Junmyeon looks up at him, but there’s no fight in his eyes. His eyes are wide, and Minseok notes the way his lower lip trembles. A part of Minseok wants to rush forward and pull Junmyeon into his arms, but the other half is too disgusted to offer any sympathy. So, he turns around, and he is about to walk away when he remembers something. He pulls a piece of paper from his trousers and throws it towards Junmyeon. “It’s high-time you remind him that you are not a kid anymore. And if he needs a bullet in his head, do it. Or call me, I’d love to.”

Junmyeon feels his heart clenching at Minseok’s parting words. The paper doesn’t land on the table, but flutters to the floor and Junmyeon watches its descent as Minseok leaves the apartment.

Junmyeon rises to his feet and walks around the table. He kneels as he picks the paper up—it is a Gangbok address. Minseok’s words are like acid as they corrode through his mind. He knows Minseok has been acting strange ever since Yifan arrived in Seoul, but can he believe his friend, his partner this time? Yifan cannot possibly betray him…right?

But it has been years and people inadvertently change all the time. Can someone like Yifan change as well?

 

Minseok knocks on the door so hard, Lalisa nearly jumps out of her skin. She picks up her gun anyway as she inches towards the door. To her great relief, she hears his familiar voicegrowl out, “Where the fuck are you Lisa?”

Lalisa puts the gun down as she opens the door for Minseok, who pushes past her and then halts in the hall. Lalisa opens her mouth to ask what is going on, but then she sees the heaving shoulders and hears the low curse Minseok mutters under his breath. She realises he is stressed, and she understands why he came here. So, she grabs the rubber tie around her wrist and pulls her hair up in a ponytail.

She wraps her hands around Minseok waist and gently nips at his ear lobe. Her voice is low and husky as she says, “Does oppa need some help?”

Minseok turns around and his hand is fisted in her ponytail as he slams his mouth against her. Lalisa groans in pleasure, because a strong, overpowering Minseok frustrated with Junmyeon is her favourite Minseok. All that pent-up rage really ends up with the best orgasms for her.

Oh yeah, she has always known. From the very first day that Minseok’s sleazy one-liners weren’t just jokes. She has trouble processing her own emotions, but she did see the depth of affection in Minseok’s eyes for Junmyeon. It takes two of a kind, and maybe that is why Minseok and she ended up like this—he, looking for release, and she…well, she is not sure what exactly she seeks from Minseok yet.

But right now, his teeth on her neck and his hands down the front of her pyjamas is enough.

 

Junmyeon muses how he would never step in this neighbourhood in broad daylight. Not that this neighbourhood is shabby or anything—it is modest, prim, almost nondescript. No one would remember it, no one would be able to properly describe it if they were asked to. It’s just, this is the northern side of the river and he isn’t supposed be here. But he is here anyway as he looks up at the four-storeyed apartment complex.

Each unit in the grey building seems to have a balcony and Junmyeon wonders which one is Yifan’s. Most of the balconies have washing hung on it, or it has been reverted into an outdoor storage for little knickknacks. A few balconies have some greenery. A little shrub here, another flowering plant there. When his eyes land on the balcony on the second floor though, he gasps.

There are three tubs of roses on the edge of the railing. The rains have nourished the plants, and they are heavy with blood red, velvety, blooms. Junmyeon knows, he just knows that he is looking at Yifan’s home. So, Yifan really is here.

But then he reminds himself that the plants mean nothing. That couldn’t be solid evidence for Yifan living here, can it? Yet, Minseok wouldn’t lie to him, not like this. He knows Minseok has a few screws loose here and there, but he always has been honest, sometimes brutally so. Therefore, Junmyeon just stands here, his head tucked on his chest as his head buzzes. He cannot come to a decision, he just can’t.

Junmyeon pushes his hands into his jeans and fights with his heart and what Minseok, or rather, what his head is telling him. Deep down he refuses to believe Yifan would betray him like this, but he has trusted Minseok all his life. In a way, he has known Minseok longer than he has been able to be together with Yifan.

He raises his head again, glaring at the innocent red blooms, which just seems to taunt him, trying to get him remember the day he saw Yifan. He is about to look away again when the doors to the balcony slides open and Yifan walks out in a tank top, watering can in hand, and Junmyeon understands what déjà vu means.

At first, Yifan doesn’t see him, he is busy watering the flowers. But then, his gaze lands on Junmyeon, and his eyes widen. Junmyeon sees the watering can drop from Yifan’s hand; he takes a step back, slightly dazed. Then, Yifan jerks forward and in his haste, a tub falls from the edge of the railing. Both men don’t notice the tub fall or pay attention to the crashing sound of the clay pot breaking to pieces. The daze breaks when Yifan says, loud enough for Junmyeon to hear, “Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon takes another step back and for some reason his eyes land on the destroyed tub of flowers. The bright red blooms remain intact, but splashed against the dirt, it reminds him of blood. It reminds him of all the blood he has dirtied his hands in. He doesn’t look back at Yifan again as he runs away. No, he isn’t ready, he just isn’t ready to face the truth.

He didn’t take a car to get here since that would have made him too conspicuous. So, he runs back towards the taxi stand. As his feet trample on the pavement, he feels tears filling his eyes. For the first time in a long time, he feels like the seventeen-year-old Junmyeon again—lost and helpless. He runs into a park and suddenly halts, trying to catch his breath.

No, he is Kim Junmyeon, he is amongst the biggest and strongest mafia bosses in Seoul. It had taken him thirteen years to build his reputation and empire of crime. He knows it isn’t all good, but he is still proud of it. Can he let a love he had in his youth control his actions today?

But Yifan isn’t just anyone, never has been. He has been the beacon of hope in his miserable existence. If he is to be honest with himself at this moment, where he is panting against an oak tree, he would admit that the thought of reconciliation did occur to him every now and then. The issue of Yifan knowing the truth about him, his past and his inescapable present is what always drove that thought away.

He straightens up and shakes his head. No, he can do this, he can face Yifan again and he _can_ push his emotions away, lock them up and ignore them. He is about to turn around when he hears footsteps, multiple ones. His heart picks up pace when he hears someone say, “What is Kim Junmyeon from Gangnam doing here?”

He looks over his back and frowns. He notices the yellow bandana tied on the young man’s wrist and realises these are Seunghyun’s men. He did hear that Seunghyun survived the fire, but they were just rumours; seems like there were not. He turns around and frowns, there are four of them and he isn’t carrying his weapons.

He puts his hands on his hips and sneers, “None of your business kid.”

The guy’s eyes widen as a cocky grin spreads on his face. Junmyeon reckons the guy is too young, and so are the other three. The tallest one doesn’t even look any older than eighteen. However, they all carry the emancipated look of drug-users, and Junmyeon doesn’t need to ask to know that these kids are all dealers or pushers. The guy with red hair and multiple ear piercings, who opened his mouth first, comes forward, whipping his switchblade out from his pocket. “Ya know, if we hurt you and bring you to our boss, we will be nicely rewarded. Right Winwin?”

The guy Junmyeon believed to be a teenager nods. His eyes are wide, and he can see fear in them. The redhead closes the distance,his knife aimed at Junmyeon, who doesn’t move. He isn’t afraid of the punk in front of him, but what he cannot count are the other two guys—one has blond hair, whose eyes are glazed, which tells Junmyeon he is probably high, and the other is the shortest in the crew, but his eyes are clear, and sharp and shrewd. The short one is measuring Junmyeon up as much as the latter is doing him.

Junmyeon raises his arm at the same time the redhead takes a swipe at him. He feels the sharp edge cut through his skin, and he bites back the hiss trying to emit from his lips. Instead, he grabs the redhead’s wrist and twists it. The guy yelps in pain but the knife drops to the ground. Junmyeon quickly pulls his knee up and pushes it into the guy’s chin. He hears a crunch and the guy drops to the side as his mouth fills with blood. Winwin rushes over to the redhead and shouts, “Taeyong!”

Soon, the other tall guy, the one with the blond hair moves in, ready to punch Junmyeon. This, Junmyeon doesn’t see coming as he gets distracted by the short guy putting his hands around his back. The blond’s knuckle lands on his cheekbone and it isn’t that hard, but it smarts anyway. Junmyeon stumbles a little, but he doesn’t stop. He swoops down, faking pain, and picks up the knife the redhead discarded. He keeps up his act and waits for the blond to move again, and the latter does. As the blond jerks forward, Junmyeon pushes the knife under the guy’s shoulder blade. The blond hisses in pain and stumbles back. He pulls out the knife and blood gushes out. Junmyeon shakes his head and smirks, “Shouldn’t have done that.”

“Yeah,” the short one says. Junmyeon turns to look at him and his heart drops to his knees; the guy has a gun pointed at him. “They are kind of idiots. I keep telling them not to take the drugs for themselves, but they never listen.”

Junmyeon knew this guy was danger and he hates to be proven right. He raises his hands and asks, “What? Are you going to kill me?” He tilts his head to the side and says, “Your boss will only happily throw you to the cops if you did kill me. While the cops wouldn’t care about me, you would still go to jail. Dealing with withdrawal is hard in jail.”

To Junmyeon’s surprise, the guy laughs. He pulls back the hammer of his gun as he says, “Don’t worry. Boss got the cops in his pocket. I ain’t ever going to jail.”

The pieces click into place and Junmyeon realises that Seunghyun has teamed up with Youngbae as well. He swallows and then his gaze hardens; he fists his hands and is about to rush forward when he hears the gun go off.

The short guy doesn’t have great aim, not even in close quarters as the bullet lodges into Junmyeon’s shoulder. The pain halts him and he puts his hand over the wound, now slowly trickling blood. He hears the gun go off again and the second bullet embeds itself into his upper thigh. He sees the red spread over the blue and he stumbles. He hears the guy say, “I ain’t trying to kill you actually. I don’t think you are any worth dead, to me at least.”

Junmyeon looks up and finds the barrel pointing at him. He is steadily losing blood, but he can still try to fight. He is about to get to his feet when he sees a forearm wind across the guy’s throat. Junmyeon trains his gaze up and he is surprised to see it is Yifan who is choking the guy.

Yifan growls, “Drop the gun, or I break your neck. I am a doctor, I know exactly where to hurt you.”

The guy’s face turns purple as Yifan increases the pressure on his larynx. Winwin, who is now trying to keep both the incapacitated guys out of harm’s way cries, “Please, please Haechan, drop the gun!”

Haechan finally drops the gun and falls to his knees as Yifan releases him. He wheezes as he tries to push oxygen into his lungs. Yifan glares down at Winwin and orders in a firm voice, “Get the fuck out of here.”

Winwin nods as tears and snot run down his cheeks and chin. He pushes all his friends to their feet and they wobble out of the park. When they have vacated the park, Yifan extends a hand towards Junmyeon, “Come on, you need medical attention.” Junmyeon is about to open his mouth to protest when Yifan shakes his head, “Don’t be stubborn, not right now. You are hurt and I need to stop the bleeding.”

Junmyeon takes Yifan’s hand and with a loud thud of his heart, he watches as his blood-soaked hands are still small compared to Yifan’s. He is slowly pulled to his feet and when he winces due to the wound in his thigh, Yifan promptly throws Junmyeon’s arm around his shoulder. Junmyeon nearly gasps as he gets pressed to Yifan’s side. He looks up at Yifan as they both slowly make their way back to Yifan’s apartment.

They don’t talk at all; the journey from the park to the apartment complex is silent. Yifan is trying to make sure to pace their walk so he doesn’t aggravate Junmyeon’s injury, while Junmyeon is trying to stomp down the part of him that is enjoying being this close to Yifan once again.

This close, Junmyeon can see Yifan’s skin has cleared—no more acne—but it looks slightly sun-damaged and he knows, thanks to Luhan, that it is because he cycles to work. His hair is slightly longer, and if he grows it out some more, he can probably put it into a ponytail, like he used to. Yifan is…still Yifan—tall, kind and reassuring. He doesn’t even ask what Junmyeon was doing outside his apartment. Junmyeon finds his heart swelling, the feelings he keeps locked up threaten to pour out. But he can’t allow himself that, so he swallows and looks away.

They get on the lift and Junmyeon sags completely against Yifan. The wounds hurt, and his jeans are wet and sticky. They finally arrive at Yifan unit, and the door’s already open. Junmyeon frowns at that, which Yifan sees, so he explains, “I rushed out, trying to catch up to you. Totally forgot to lock up after myself.”

Junmyeon manages half a smile at that as he enters Yifan’s home. He glances over and notes how empty it looks. There is hardly any furniture or anything of Yifan’s personal touch, besides the flowers perhaps. Yifan helps to the couch and gently puts him down on it. As Junmyeon leans against the couch, Yifan says, “Ah, you may need to take your clothes off. I mean, I would need to see the wounds.” Junmyeon looks up at him, and he can’t help but smile when he sees the obvious embarrassment on Yifan’s face. He nods and Yifan nods back before scurrying away to find the first aid kit.

Junmyeon soon finds out that stripping is sort of hard when his shoulder is numb and his thigh hurts. So, he just gives up and sinks into the couch, panting. Yifan returns in a few minutes and when he sees Junmyeon still fully dressed, the latter heaves, “It hurts.”

Yifan snickers. “I expected that. I hope you are not too fond of that t-shirt and jeans.”

Junmyeon shakes his head as Yifan comes closer to the couch. He drops his first aid bag on the crate that is functioning as a coffee table. Junmyeon is surprised to see the extensive paraphernalia of medical items. Yifan picks up scissors and looks apologetic as he cuts through the denims. When the wound is exposed, he murmurs, “The bullet hit an artery most probably, though not the important one thankfully.” He gently presses around the clotted blood and Junmyeon bites down on his lip to stop the groan. “Not too deep either.”

“Cheap rounds,” Junmyeon wheezes. Yifan looks at him, his eyebrow cocked; Junmyeon just says, “Been shot at enough.”

Junmyeon sees the way Yifan’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down. His eyes widen slightly before he puts on his professional mask on. He nods as he dons some latex gloves as he murmurs, “Of course.”

Junmyeon doesn’t get to ask what Yifan meant because the latter has picked up an extractor and a bottle of pure alcohol. The doctor says, “I don’t have anaesthesia. So, this will hurt.” With his other hand he picks up a roll of gauze. “Open your mouth.” Junmyeon obeys and Yifan positions the roll between his teeth. “Clamp down on this hard, okay?” Junmyeon again does as he is told, this time he is taken aback by the firm, sure way Yifan looks at him. So, this is how Dr Li looks like, something like pride blossoms in Junmyeon’s heart.

Yifan pours the alcohol in a bowl and carefully sterilises his instrument before hovering over the wound on Junmyeon’s thigh. Yifan notices a long, pale scar on his knee and another much higher. The knee scar looks familiar, but the other one is fairly new, maybe no older than a couple of years. Yifan shakes his head and tries to focus on the problem at hand. He raises his other hand, palm up and says, “You can grab on to me,” he feels his ears getting warm, “If you want to, that is.”

Junmyeon nods and takes his hand immediately. Yifan tries not to think too much about that as he finally gets to digging the bullet out of Junmyeon’s thigh. Junmyeon instantly crushes Yifan’s fingers as the extractor clamps down on the bullet. Blood pours out of the wound anew at being disturbed and Yifan quickly puts a fresh pad of gauze over it. He puts a tape over it, for the meantime, as he drops the bullet on the crate.

He puts the extractor in the alcohol to re-sterilise it as he cuts through Junmyeon’s t-shirt next. He starts from the sleeve and pushes the material down. Yifan sees more scars—a few superficial knife wounds, and burn marks, and a few stitches. He pushes those aside as he picks up the instrument again. Like the thigh wound, the bullet didn’t manage to get too deep, so Yifan doesn’t have to fish around for the bullet. However, this really hurts Junmyeon who cries out in pain.

The thigh bullet was removed swiftly, and it did hurt, but Junmyeon soon realises the shoulder bullet hurts ten times more and as Yifan pushes into his flesh with the cold metal, it burns like a fire and he ends up squeezing his eyes shut and crying. Yifan finds the bullet and removes it quickly before pressing a gauze pad on it again. But then, there are thumbs on his cheeks wiping his hot tears away. Junmyeon opens his eyes and gasps. Yifan is too close and his gaze is concerned and sorry all at the same time.

Yifan didn’t mean to do that, he didn’t mean to want to comfort Junmyeon, he didn’t mean to touch the other, to discard his gloves as quickly as he can, he didn’t mean to cup his face and want to ease his pain. So, when Junmyeon gasps, he quickly takes his hands away. He starts dressing the wounds instead. Junmyeon hisses as Yifan cleans all the blood with an antiseptic, but Yifan forces down the urge to look at Junmyeon again, because what he saw in the other’s eyes a few seconds ago left him shaken.

When Junmyeon opened his eyes, Yifan saw the vulnerability that he remembered from before. The first day he met Junmyeon in Seoul after thirteen years, he noted how hard and apathetic Junmyeon seemed. But Junmyeon slipped, and Yifan saw the boy he knew. And his heart ached with the love he can’t get rid of.

He finishes dressing and gets to his feet. He collects the spoiled cottons and gauzes as he says, “I will get you something to wear. And don’t fight me on this, you are staying here tonight. You can take the bedroom, I can sleep here.”

Junmyeon does open his mouth to counter but Yifan makes sense, so he shuts up and nods, which Yifan doesn’t see as the taller shuffles away to put his things away. When he does return, he has clothes in his hand and he gives them to Junmyeon. He jerks his head towards somewhere over Junmyeon’s behind and on his left as he says, “The bathroom’s that way.”

Junmyeon slowly gets to his feet and when he looks about him, unsure if he can walk, Yifan helps him again. Junmyeon, after they get to the bathroom, quickly changes into the borrowed clothes and as he changes he finds that Yifan hadn’t changed his shampoo in thirteen years, and it shouldn’t make him smile, but he does anyway.

Yifan hovers outside the bathroom, ready to barge in and help Junmyeon if he needs it, but after a few minutes, Junmyeon exits and Yifan has to smile as he sees the shorter swim in his clothes. Junmyeon might have gained some muscles, might have broader shoulders now, but he is still way shorter than him, and the hem of the shorts are almost at his calves and the sleeves of the t-shirt almost fall off his shoulders. Yifan smiles, “You didn’t really get very tall, did you?”

Junmyeon smirks, “Well, not everyone gets abnormally tall.”

Yifan smiles back, and it makes Junmyeon feel warm and he can’t look away. He doesn’t realise when his feet take him closer to Yifan and his hands almost rise to touch Yifan when the latter’s countenance changes, his face morphs into something sad and his eyes are hooded as he mutters, “You are probably here because of Minseok, aren’t you?” When Junmyeon gasps and says nothing, Yifan shakes his head, “You have to know, I am doing this for you.”

“For me?” Junmyeon asks, disbelief colouring his voice. So, it is true, Yifan has truly gotten involved with his enemies.

Yifan hears it, how Junmyeon doesn’t see it. He curls his fingers around Junmyeon’s wrist and implodes, “They want to hurt you, and I can’t let them.”

Junmyeon laughs, and it is bitter and Yifan feels shivers running down his spine due to it. “Everyone wants to hurt me. I have survived for years, and I don’t care if they do get to me.”

Yifan frowns and his grip tightens around Junmyeon’s wrist. He whispers as his heart aches, “Don’t say that, please.”

Junmyeon wants to run as he feels tears prickling the back of his eyes. He looks down at his bare feet as he mumbles, “Why do you even care?”

Yifan shakes his head as he says, “I care, I always will, you know that.”

Junmyeon shakes his head, refusing to believe what Yifan says but then someone knocks loudly on the door.


	12. Close

Junmyeon and Yifan both turn their heads to look at the door with their eyes wide as they think the same thing: did Seunghyun’s men follow them? However, both sigh in relief when a female voice speaks, “Dr Li, are you home?”

Yifan rubs the bridge of his nose. “That’s my neighbour, Ahn Juhee.” Junmyeon nods his head, the tense atmosphere has lifted slightly, but the air is still heavy with all the unsaid words. Junmyeon keeps standing in front of the bathroom as he hears Yifan open the door and converse with the woman. Junmyeon can hear Yifan consulting the woman on which fever medicine will best work for her son and he can’t help but smile; how does Yifan keep pulling in people to trust him?

Junmyeon thinks Yifan will take his time, so he decides to go wait in the bedroom. Since this is a one BHK, he finds the door to the bedroom easily enough. He enters and the sparseness of it makes him scoff. A mattress on the floor and a small cupboard is all that there is in the room. It becomes obvious to Junmyeon that Yifan didn’t come here to stay, and somehow that makes his heart twist in sharp pain. He plops down on the bed and crosses his ankles; the wound on the thigh throbs, so he quickly straightens his legs and stares at his bare feet. He ends up thinking about the first night he let Yifan stay with him, allowed, _asked,_ Yifan to hold him...

_Junmyeon let his words hang in the air as he chews his lips. Yifan widens his eyes, but then they crease into a soft smile as he nods his head, “Okay, I can stay. Just let me call my aunt, okay?”_

_While Yifan uses the phone in the living room, Junmyeon exhales in relief and sits down on the bed. He took all his time in the shower trying to come up with the right words. Eunyon was out for the night, visiting a friend and Junmyeon was perfectly alright staying alone, but then, suddenly, as he spent his evening with Yifan, he realised he didn’t want Yifan to leave him._

_Yifan saying yes now puts him in another dilemma. He crosses his arms and his fingers digs into his forearm as his head buzzes. He has never shared his bed with anyone and sharing one with someone he has feelings for is something new. He is not sure what happens next, and he hopes he doesn’t scare Yifan away._

_He is rubbing the towel through his hair when Yifan returns. Yifan smiles down at him and asks, “Do you mind if I clean up here?” He looks down at his fingernails and chuckles, “No matter how much I clean my hands, the dirt remains.”_

_Junmyeon smiles, “Go ahead. I will find you something that can fit.”_

_Yifan smiles one last time before entering the bathroom. Junmyeon rushes about his room trying to find something that might fit Yifan. He finds some items appropriate and knocks on the bathroom door. Yifan opens it, still fully dressed and takes the clothes from Junmyeon with another smile; and Junmyeon couldn’t help but smile back. As he returns to the bed, and crosses his legs, he thinks he probably smiles a lot when Yifan is around. His heart skips a beat and he places his palm on it, his lips still curved into a smile._

_Yifan is done within a few minutes and by that time, Junmyeon had tried to quell the nervousness and pushes himself up against the headboard, browsing through a book. Yifan exits from the bathroom, his wet hair loose and brushing his neck. Junmyeon, not for the first time, is kind of awestruck by how gorgeous Yifan can get when he is not in his gardener garb or toiling under the sun. He is not only kind, nice and funny, he is also beautiful and Junmyeon is again left wondering if he even deserves this, Yifan and his love._

_His thoughts are interrupted when Yifan sits down beside him. Junmyeon jumps slightly, taken aback. Yifan smiles at him, his eyes gentle as he grabs Junmyeon’s hand and kisses each knuckle. He whispers, “Relax, I know an invitation to your bed doesn’t mean we are going to have sex.” Junmyeon feels his face warm as he drops his gaze and panic settles in his gut. For a brief second, he almost feels like spilling everything to Yifan, but then the older boy cups his chin and softly presses his lips over his eyelid, and the thought dissolves—Yifan wouldn’t hurt, he is not Hyuk. So, for now, he seals his secret in his heart and tries not to think too much about it._

_Yifan fluffs the pillow and coaxes Junmyeon to relax and lie down on the bed. Yifan turns off the lights and puts a considerable gap between him and Junmyeon as he lays down on the bed himself. The light from the lamp outside illuminates the room in a hazy orangish glow and Junmyeon can still see Yifan smiling at him. He feels his heart swelling in love and before he can stop it, his eyes fill with tears. He watches Yifan’s eyes widen in concern and the other quickly comes closer and cups his face as tears rolls down from the corner of his eyes._

_Junmyeon tries to reign himself, to stop his tears. He grabs the front of Yifan’s t-shirt and pulls him closer. He buries his face into the other’s chest and he can hear the dull thud of Yifan’s heart, and somehow that calms him down. Yifan’s fingers carding through his hair helps too and he cannot help but murmur, “Just…hold me, okay?”_

_Then, Yifan wraps his arms around him and the next morning when Junmyeon wakes up to Yifan smiling sleepily down at him, he thinks it was the best sleep he ever had._

The door to the bedroom creaks open and Yifan steps in. He asks, “Mrs Ahn gave me some food in return for my advice, are you hungry?” Junmyeon is about to say no, however, his stomach growls and he remembers he had eaten nothing since breakfast this morning and his face is warm as Yifan chuckles, “Okay then.”

Yifan leaves the room again and Junmyeon wonders if he should go wait outside but honestly, his leg hurts, and he decides to lie down till Yifan returns. He makes himself comfortable on the bed, and only when he presses his face into the pillow does he realise that it must be Yifan’s side he is lying on because everything smells like him. Pain twists his heart and he feels the tears prickling behind his eyelid as he tries to stomp down the memories he was lost in to resurface and weaken him.

He presses a fist to his mouth to ensure Yifan doesn’t hear him sniffle as he shuts his eyes and tries to breathe normally. He has got to stop feeling like this, he has changed, Yifan has changed. He cannot let Yifan back in his life, no matter how much he wishes he could. The day’s events catch up with him and between silently crying into Yifan’s pillow and hating himself, Junmyeon falls asleep, tired of the conflict in his heart and the physical pain.

 

Jiyong knows something is up with Youngbae, and he has had been nursing his suspicions since his informant gave him information that he didn’t need until he heard it. He sips his coffee as he watches Youngbae brief the other detectives on his team about a recent triple homicide. He waits for his friend to finish and keeps sipping on his drink.

“And that’s it, dismissed,” Youngbae orders and the others disperse, shuffling their feet and murmuring amongst themselves. The triple homicide has been a messy event and it has the whole department abuzz.

Jiyong moves as soon as the meeting room is cleared out. Youngbae is about to open his mouth but Jiyong grabs his elbow and mutters under his breath, “I need to talk to you.”

Youngbae notices the deep frown on Jiyong’s face and his own eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What is it?”

Jiyong shakes his head as he walks back to the door and shuts it, locking it. He puts his hands on his hips and asks, “What the fuck are you doing with Seunghyun and Sungkyu?” Youngbae raises an eyebrow, and Jiyong feels his heart dropping to his stomach when he realises that Youngbae is doing nothing to deny it. Jiyong points at Youngbae and growls, “Dude! What the fuck are you doing with those two?”

Youngbae puts his hands up, palms facing Jiyong as he says, “I won’t deny anything. But just know this, I am not suddenly a crooked cop now.”

Jiyong grunts and crosses his arms. “No, no, I know you won’t suddenly go rogue, but I do know that you will do anything to bring Gangnam Kim down. You are shaking hands with the devil Youngbae!”

Youngbae scoffs, “They can’t touch me.”

“But if someone else know—”

Youngbae asks, “How did you?”

Jiyong rolls his eyes, “My informant saw you and Seunghyun, and Sungkyu, together with this tall unknown man.”

Youngbae crosses his arms and leans against the table. “Relax Jiyong, I know what I am doing.”

“I sure fucking hope you do.”

 

Junmyeon wakes up with a jolt and when he realises he is not in his own room, he feels afraid, but then he remembers the events of last evening and he sighs. He is not in danger, he is still at Yifan’s apartment. He falls back on the bed and stares up at the ceiling; he bunches the sheets under his feet and takes a few deep breathes in and out. He sits up again and strains his ears for any sign of Yifan.

When he hears nothing, he gets up and takes tentative steps outside. He immediately finds Yifan curled up on the couch and it looks uncomfortable since Yifan is too tall and the couch can’t fit him. Junmyeon just stands there for a few seconds admiring the way the early morning light falls on Yifan and he remembers the last morning he woke up to Yifan sleeping beside him on the hospital bed.

He shakes his head and walks closer, reaching for Yifan to wake him up. But then he changes his mind when he sees Yifan’s spectacles almost sliding off his nose. Junmyeon takes it off and folds it before putting it on the crate. He notices Yifan’s hair is longer again, not long enough for a ponytail, but long enough to brush his eyebrows and curl under his ears.

Junmyeon hesitates but his fingers move forward, and he finds his hand cupping the side of Yifan’s face. It is rough but warm under his fingertips and his fingers trace his cheekbones and then his thick eyebrows before brushing off the bangs draping over them. His heart swells in affection and he finds his breath getting caught in his lungs. The fact that time went by and he is touching Yifan after thirteen years.

Junmyeon jerks back and fists his hand, and he takes another deep breath. He has to go and he has to find his bloody clothes and leave. If he stays another second longer, he knows his resolve will further weaken.

 

Yifan didn’t want to wake Junmyeon up when he found the latter curled up on his bed. He chose to sleep on the couch outside. When morning comes, Yifan isn’t too surprised when he found the bed empty. Junmyeon’s bloodied clothes are gone and all that the other left behind is a thank you note written on a shopping list Yifan was making before he fell asleep.

Yifan picks up the note and touches his cheek. He is not sure if he had imagined it, but he is sure he felt something touch his face when he was asleep. And he is also sure he fell asleep with his glasses on, which now are placed on the crate. There is only one answer to this and Yifan doesn’t think too much about how his heart beats a little too fast that the answer is obviously Junmyeon.

He is standing in the kitchen, staring at the pot of simmering water as he chews on the inside of his cheek. He should have talked to Junmyeon, should have explained himself. He turns off the stove and grabs his tea leaves when the door bell rings. He covers the pot and shuffles towards the door, wondering if it is Mrs Ahn again.

He opens the door and Seunghyun’s grinning face surprises him, but he curbs it and moves to the side to let the man in. He did briefly wonder last night how long till the news reaches Seunghyun; looks like it didn’t take that long.

Seunghyun strolls in and glances around the apartment, hands in pockets as he hums under his breath. Yifan returns to the kitchen and asks, “Tea?”

Seunghyun shakes his head. “Not here for that, but then again I am pretty sure you already know that.”

Yifan keeps his composure as he pours himself a cup, even though his heart starts pounding. He walks into the living room only to find Seunghyun lighting a cigarette. He rolls his eyes and goes back to grab a bowl since he doesn’t have an ashtray. Seunghyun, meanwhile, makes himself comfortable on the couch.

Yifan ends up sitting on the crate and throws the bowl on the couch with a scowl, “Don’t throw ash everywhere.”

Seunghyun chuckles, “Right, the doctor hates smokers.” Seunghyun does listen and taps his cigarette against the rim of the bowl. He crosses his legs and his eyes take on a malevolent gleam as he regards a spot on the couch. “Didn’t think you’d have white knight tendencies.”

Yifan sips on his tea when he realises what Seunghyun is staring at. He did bring a bleeding Junmyeon home and he did miss the rather conspicuous spot of blood on the fabric. He says, “Well, don’t think Youngbae would have appreciated if your goons killed Junmyeon before he did.”

Seunghyun exhales smoke as he leans back on the couch. “True.” He raises his other hand to touch the burnt part of his face. “Did you know your former lover boy did this to me?”

Yifan tries to not gasp but his hand holding the cup shakes and drops of hot water splash on his pants. Seunghyun continues, “He just stood there outside, chilling, as he watched me burn. I almost died because of him. But I realised something about Kim Junmyeon that day—behind that face, there is a monster lurking. People said he tortured his brother to death, that day as I felt my face burn, I _knew_ they weren’t rumours.” He crushes his unfinished cigarette in the bowl and smirks at Yifan, his eyes a little bitter, even melancholy perhaps, “I don’t know who is going to come out of this alive. Be careful Yifan, if he ever knew you are betraying him, he won’t hesitate to kill you.”

Seunghyun gets to his feet and shows himself out. When the door clicks in place, Yifan puts down the cup on the floor. The smell of nicotine doesn’t even bother him as he lets the words Seunghyun said hit him. Junmyeon did that to Seunghyun? Junmyeon tortured his brother to death? Suddenly, he realises that maybe he no longer knows the boy he fell in love with.

 

Junmyeon opens the door to his apartment and finds Minseok pacing. The other man stops when he sees Junmyeon entering and his gaze is furious, but it changes into panic as he rakes his eyes over Junmyeon and his borrowed clothes. Junmyeon dumps the bloodied clothes he was carrying on the floor and points at them, “Dispose of them, will you?”

Minseok stomps up to him and grabs his collar. He growls into Junmyeon’s face, “Where the fuck were you? And why didn’t you take your phone with you?”

Junmyeon inhales as he curls his fingers over Minseok’s hands. He shuts his eyes and exhales as he opens them. He pries Minseok’s hands off him as he hangs his head. He mutters, “I was at Yifan’s place.”

Minseok gasps and takes a step back. He looks down at the bloody clothes and then back at Junmyeon, his gaze especially stuck on the oversized clothes Junmyeon is wearing. He takes a hold of himself and asks, “What happened?”

Junmyeon shrugs as he walks towards the kitchen. “Some of Seunghyun’s druggies attacked me. Yifan saved my life.”

Minseok’s brow rises as incredulity colours his voice, “He saved your life?”

Junmyeon opens the door to the fridge and as the cool air hits his face, his breath catches as he remembers Yifan’s heartbroken gaze and the deep voice saying, _“I care, I always will, you know that.”_ Junmyeon sighs as he grabs a bottle of water and shuts the door. He turns around and his lips curve into a small smile as he replies, “Yes, he did.”

And as Junmyeon sidesteps around Minseok, who is strangely silent, he thinks how this wasn’t even the first time Yifan saved his life. Yifan saved him from himself all those years ago and as he enters his bedroom, he drags the neck of the t-shirt over his nose as he lies down on his bed. He touches the softened fabric and he wonders if Yifan wears it when he cooks, or when he goes to bed. It feels worn down and washed way too many times.

Junmyeon also wonders if he should change out of Yifan’s clothes now, but he finds a part of him unwilling to even move because somehow, this is the closest embrace that he has shared with Yifan in years, and he doesn’t want to let go, not quite yet.


	13. Hate/Love

Junmyeon wakes up and it is almost afternoon; the first thing he realises is that he is still wearing Yifan’s t-shirt. He curls his fingers at the hem and takes a few deep breaths. He should remove it, he really should. He groans and pulls the t-shirt off and throws it across the room. It lands in a corner and Junmyeon stares at, feeling angry and annoyed at himself. He went to ask Yifan about his business with the detective and he accomplished none of that.

He hears the bell ring and he frowns; he is no mood to meet anyone today. But then the bell rings again and he wonders if Minseok isn’t home. He gets down from his bed with a loud groan, he is not in the mood to entertain anyone. If it is anyone from the organisation, he is shutting the door on their faces. He drags himself to the front door and doesn’t even take a glance through the peephole before opening the door.

“I don’t like waiting Kim, you know that,” the short man with cropped dark hair scowls up at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon widens his eyes; it’s not every day the elusive Do Kyungsoo shows up in person in front of your door. Junmyeon steps aside as Kyungsoo steps in, already lighting a cigarette and then making himself comfortable on the sofa. Junmyeon grabs the ashtray and tosses it at Kyungsoo, who catches it without even breaking a sweat. He glances at Junmyeon’s naked torso and points his cigarette at him, “Do you usually not wear clothes when home?”

Junmyeon looks down at his bare chest and bites the inside of his cheek. He grumbles, “A minute,” as he shuffles towards his bedroom. he grabs a sweatshirt and heads back to the living room, only to find Kyungsoo admiring the one thing colourful he keeps in his apartment. It is a painting of roses, a constant reminder of the past he runs from. Kyungsoo comments when he knows Junmyeon is in the same room as him, “Didn’t think you were an art connoisseur.”

“I am not, it just looked pretty,” Junmyeon shrugs as he joins Kyungsoo, who offers him a cigarette, which he accepts.

Kyungsoo says nothing as he takes his seat on the sofa again. Junmyeon keeps standing, turning around to face Kyungsoo, who says, “Seunghyun’s junkies got you, huh?”

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow. “News travel first. They were kids, I am sure they learnt their lessons.”

Kyungsoo leans back as he exhales a cloud of blue smoke, “And what were you doing in his part of the town, eh? Casual stroll? Meet a lover?” He leans forward as Junmyeon startles, “A former lover?”

Junmyeon’s brings the cigarette back to his lips and he notes his hands are shaking, “How, how do you know?”

Kyungsoo frowns, “Nothing is ever hidden from me Junmyeon, you of all people should know that.”

Junmyeon takes a long drag of his cigarette and he looks down at his feet. True, nothing in Seoul is ever hidden from Do Kyungsoo—there is very little the man doesn't know. Sometimes it terrifies Junmyeon and at times, it reassures him. Right now, he is not sure what he feels, terrified or safe. Kyungsoo resumes speaking, “I never asked when you asked me to get you that blood medicine all those years ago, I never questioned your intentions when you killed all of your father’s associates one by one. But right now, I am asking you to be careful. Dr Li is your weakness, and this may result in your downfall. The winds of change are here Junmyeon, and I can’t say they are in your favour anymore.”

Junmyeon flicks the finished cigarette on the ashtray and he smiles, and the bitterness he feels seep out into it. He locks his gaze with the older man in front of him and says, “Do I still have your back though?”

Kyungsoo gives Junmyeon a lopsided smile, “As long as you keep your gun-trotting maniac sidekick away from me.” Junmyeon just chuckles in response. as he dusts some ash into the small ceramic bowl. Kyungsoo smokes in silence for some time and Junmyeon follows suit, his glance landing on the older man as he smokes.

Do Kyungsoo is the one man who stood by him, never asking a question when Minseok and he showed up, bloodied and weary at Seoul in the middle of the night, seeking shelter. It was pure coincidence when Kyungsoo, all of twenty-four and recently minted leader of the Syndicate, met the two teenagers, right after Junmyeon had singlehandedly killed Minseok’s associates.

Kyungsoo recognised Junmyeon instantly, and he let him stay with him, in return, Junmyeon had to tell him everything, and that night Junmyeon spilled his story to this kind man who was now lording over all the crime gangs in the city. But Junmyeon didn’t know that on that night he would gain Kyungsoo's trust due to his honesty; and what the rest of Seoul didn’t know after that is Kyungsoo was the one who helped Junmyeon slowly rise to power.

Kyungsoo also insisted on never revealing to the world that he backed Junmyeon up initially. Junmyeon is well on his own now and Kyungsoo still drops by because they are still friends, and both share a common loathing for Sungkyu.

Kyungsoo lights up his second cigarette and his voice drawls and sounding the tiniest bit like it is floating away with the smoke he exhales, “You are still in love with him, aren’t you?”

Junmyeon opens him mouth to deny, then he remembers he discarded t-shirt lying in a corner of his room. Then he remembers yesterday and suddenly, he feels like he can’t decide for himself anymore. He is in constant conflict with himself over it and he thinks he is starting to hate it—hate how he can’t shut his heart out anymore. So, he whispers, “I want to believe I don’t.”

      

Seunghyun watches Winwin’s big, fat tears roll down his cheeks as he explains what happened. He keeps insisting that it wasn’t their fault, but Seunghyun knows better. He picks up the hefty packet of meth from the table and throws it towards Haechan, who, despite being the one to shoot, is impassive as always and doesn’t even look apologetic. Seunghyun orders, “Take these idiots away and keep them locked up with that. I don’t want them outside for the next few days, okay?”

Haechan nods and drags Winwin away, still snivelling and begging for Seunghyun to understand. Haechan shuts the door after him and Seunghyun heaves a sigh in relief. Dealing with the kids always tires him out, but he needs them to keep pushing drugs to the school and college kids. He sits back down and lights a cigarette. He looks at his rundown office, the peeling wallpaper, the mildew growing at the corner and the damp smell that no amount of room freshener can drive away. Now, he is here, restricted to this uncomfortable chair and this disgusting office thanks to Kim Junmyeon.

_Seunghyun can’t believe he got arrested; he had been careful after he got discharged from the hospital and started rounding up the last of his men to get back into his life of crime. He didn’t even start operations properly and somehow, he is here now, in front of Detective Bae, in a dark basement. Well, the basement isn’t completely dark, he still has some light thanks to the solo bulb over his head._

_Bae drags a chair over and sits down, his elbows resting on the table. Seunghyun flinches when Bae smirks; he has a feeling he isn’t going to like this interrogation one bit. Then, Bae leans forward and says, “I heard you really hate Gangnam Kim. So do I, and if you must know, we aren’t at the police station.”_

_Okay, maybe Seunghyun is starting to like this interrogation._

That was nearly a year ago, and finally, the plans and the people have fallen into place, and soon, he will have his revenge. He touches the damaged side of his face and wonders how long he has to wait. He still remembers the day Junmyeon burned his whole life down like it happened yesterday. With Junmyeon’s rise to power, Seunghyun hadn’t bothered. He went to Syndicate meetings just as well and he had dismissed Junmyeon when he first saw him—that thin, pale, wide-eyed teenager. No one cared much for Lee’s bastard that first night. And then, they all realised how wrong they were.

Seunghyun stayed away and under Junmyeon’s radar for as long as he could. Just one mistake, one helpless show of greed, and suddenly Seunghyun found himself facing the wrath of Kim Junmyeon. By then, he had heard of the rumours, of Junmyeon killing his father and then his brother, and before he didn’t think they could possibly be true. Then, someone set fire to their office, and Seunghyun remembers peering outside, his lungs filled with poisonous gas, asking for help and he saw him—Kim Junmyeon calmly smoking as he watches Seunghyun’s entire life burn down to ashes.

He has waited long and hard for this day, and a small smile curves his lips upwards at the thought of finally getting what he wants.

 

Minseok is seething; as soon as Junmyeon fell asleep, he rushed outside. He had to see Yifan and _politely_ ask him to leave this city. In his haste, he breaks plenty of red lights, but he cannot be bothered. He gets to Yifan’s place in record time and marches up the stairs. He knocks, and he knocks hard on Yifan’s door, enough to pull it off its hinges. As soon as Yifan opens it, Minseok pushes the man. Yifan falls on his butt with a low groan of pain.

Yifan was trying to make lunch when someone started raining down his door. But then he had to open the door only to fall down on his ass and have someone pull him up by his collar and snarling into his face, “Stay the fuck away from Junmyeon!”

Yifan bites down on his lip and knees Minseok in his abdomen. The shorter man releases him as the air gets knocked out from his lungs. Minseok stumbles back but doesn’t get deterred in any way; he tries to land a punch anywhere on Yifan’s body but to this surprise, Yifan grabs his fist, twists his body around, kicks the back of his knees and Minseok is out of breath and his face is on the floor. He feels Yifan’s weight resting on his spine and he groans, “What the fuck. You are a doctor!”

“Guess your spies didn’t report that I learnt how to fight at college, and I am a doctor, I can break the bones in your body while I name them. In fact, it used to be a pastime at our department, play-fight as he named muscles and bones to study for exams,” Yifan explains and Minseok swears he can hear the doctor grinning at him. “Now, I suggest you leave when I release you, or I will break your spinal discs as I name them one by one.”

Minseok growls; the doctor’s knee is digging really hard into his muscles and it hurts, so, he taps his hand on the floor to signal Yifan, who does release him. Minseok sits up and turns his head to find Yifan looming over him. The taller watches wordlessly as he gets to his feet, pain blooming in various parts. Somewhere in his mind, he cannot believe he got beat by Yifan, but appearances are meant to be deceiving, so he puts a scowl on his face and glares up at Yifan, who snarls, “Now get the fuck out.”

Minseok shakes his head, “I swear Yifan, I may not know what your game is, but when I do—”

“Yeah, yeah, I have heard that story a thousand times, now fucking leave!” Yifan points at the door and his jaw clenches in fury. He is really starting to dislike Minseok now. But at least the man has some semblance of decency because he does turn around and leave, slamming the door behind him hard enough that Yifan swears he sees the doorframe shaking.

He clenches his fist and his breathes come quicker, more frantic, edged with an anger he cannot recognise. He closes his eyes and tries to calm himself down. All the cells in his body scream at him to do something, to go rush out of that door and find the one man he shouldn’t be looking for but wants to look for anyway. It doesn’t make much sense in his head, so he groans and clutches at his hair.

Then, as if possessed, he grabs his wallet and puts on his shoes, and jogs out of his apartment. He hails down a cab and gives the man an address in Gangnam. It took a lot of wheedling but Eunyon did hand him the address, and that is where he needs to go. He doesn’t know why he suddenly wants to do this, but he has had enough. It has been thirteen years, and today he finally gets the answers he had sought for.

 

Kyungsoo leaves after Junmyeon offers him some tea. A quick pat on his back is all Junmyeon gets and the older man leaves. Junmyeon returns to his room and the first thing his gaze lands on is the t-shirt in the corner. He shakes his head and picks it up, putting the material close to his face and taking a deep breath. He feels the back of his eyes prickling with unshed tears as his mind recalls all the times he had spent in Yifan’s embrace. He swallows as he folds the t-shirt and gently puts on the bed. He would have to return it.

He decides to take a shower, and he carefully removes the dressing on his chest and thigh before stepping under the water. He doesn’t take too long and grabs his first aid box, which Minseok keeps stocked with the necessary items. He finds all the things he needs, and he is has only managed to put one foot through his pyjamas when the bell rings. A groan leaves his lips and not for the first time he is wishing he had taken up Minseok’s suggestion and hired a servant. He pushes his other foot through and hikes the pyjamas up his waist as he stomps to the main door. He takes a peek through the peephole and his blood freezes.

_What is Yifan doing here?_

Junmyeon puts his hand on the knob, but he fails to open it, his muscles suddenly not cooperating with him anymore. Then, Yifan says, “Myeon, Junmyeon, I know you are there, please open up. I, I need to talk to you, _please_.”

Junmyeon bites his lip; the desperation in Yifan’s voice tells Junmyeon that he must be here to have the conversation that they didn’t have yesterday. He sighs and presses his head on the door. He takes a deep breath and opens the door to Yifan blinking at him, his gaze slightly unfocused as it rakes over Junmyeon’s bare chest. He says, his voice low and agitated, “Can we, uh, talk?”

Junmyeon nods and steps to the side to let Yifan in. He watches Yifan walk to the sofa and flop down on it; he ducks into his room and grabs something to wear. While walking out of his bedroom, his steps are slow, and his tongue feels heavy in his mouth. However, he reminds himself that he is not eighteen anymore and he is now among the most dangerous people in Seoul—who does he have to be afraid of?

Maybe, only except for himself and his own treacherous heart.

He finds Yifan in the living room, his right foot shaking, and his gaze locked on something on the display cabinet on his left. Junmyeon follows his gaze and he curses softly under his breath when he realises Yifan is staring at a gun, Minseok’s to be exact. Junmyeon does keep telling the usual neat freak Minseok to keep his gun in the proper place, but for the last few days, his closest friend has been awfully distracted and moody.

Junmyeon takes the seat on Yifan’s right and the latter swivels his head to look at him. He mutters, “I noticed you took off your dressing. You shouldn’t have wet them, not today at least.”

“It’s okay,” Junmyeon says as he twists the hem of his shirt. “I will get it looked at if it gets infected.”

“Really got no care for your health now, do you?” Yifan scoffs. “Infections are serious business Junmyeon,” Yifan warns.

Junmyeon shrugs, “I can take care of myself Yifan.”

A lull descends on them as they both scramble for words to say. Yifan sneaks in a few glances at Junmyeon, who has his hands twisting his t-shirt and his hair is wet, his bangs fall into his eyes and Yifan’s heart twists. He gets reminded of a younger Junmyeon, whose telltale sign of nervousness would be that very gesture he is doing now. He smiles a little when he realises he still makes crime boss Kim Junmyeon nervous. But the silence is getting a bit too much, so Yifan chooses to break it, “So, uh, you guys won’t hurt Luhan, will you?”

Junmyeon’s head snaps upwards, and his eyes are narrowed as he says, “Seems like you care a lot about him.”

Yifan raises an eyebrow; Junmyeon’s voice sounded tight and his expression too seems like he is mad at something. He couldn’t be jealous now, could he? Yifan hums, “Well, he has been my only friend besides Liyin jiejie.”

Junmyeon’s shoulders sag in relief when he hears the word “friend”. The next moment he asks himself why he cares—he is not jealous. He shakes his head, answering Yifan, “No, we won’t hurt him, though he has requested to be put off the payroll. He said that he can’t keep spying on you anymore now that his cover is blown.”

“Huh,” Yifan sinks back into the sofa and tilts his head upwards, “Why was he spying on me anyway?” He pauses for a few seconds before continuing, “What were you afraid of Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon was silently admiring Yifan’s side profile, and his heart jumped a little up his throat. Then, he hears Yifan’s last question and he straightens up in his chair, “Who says I was afraid—”

Yifan turns his head towards Junmyeon and asks, “Were you afraid of me betraying you?”

Junmyeon widens his eyes as he jumps up from his seat. He winces as pain shoots from his thigh, but he bites it down as he shakes his head, “What? No!”

Yifan too straightens up and leans forward with his elbows on his knees, “Then why keep eyes on me all these years?”

Junmyeon sighs and turns around, showing his back to Yifan as he tries to get his heart to calm down. “I was just afraid...for you.” His voice drops in volume as he admits, “I didn’t want anyone to hurt you.”

Yifan scoffs, “No one knew my real name Junmyeon, I was always a nobody in Seoul and then in Enping.”

Junmyeon clasps his hands as he breathes deeply, “I couldn’t let anything happen to you when I, when I started out here, in Seoul.”

“You made enemies?” Yifan offers and when he sees Junmyeon’s shoulders shaking slightly, he figures it out, “Is that what—yes, you did and they found me anyway Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon turns around and tries to look as determined as he wasn’t feeling inside, “You should return.”

Yifan slowly gets to his feet and gives a little shake of his head. “And you think they won’t find me again?”

Junmyeon watches Yifan gazing down at him, his eyes dark and mesmerising and he can’t find the train of his thought, “I will find a better place—”

Yifan shakes his head vehemently as he closes the distance, “No, not anymore. I like my life in Enping Junmyeon, with Liyin and Luhan. And what if, what if I want to stay this time?”

Junmyeon whispers, “Why?”

Yifan, too, lowers his voice as he looks away, unable to gaze into Junmyeon’s wide-eyes confusion, “You know why.”

Junmyeon takes a step back, his back hitting the cabinet. “No! You can’t, you cannot possibly have the same feelings you did years ago!”

Yifan flares up; Junmyeon is trying to evade _again._ “Are you telling you don’t? Then why keep spying on me? Who asked you to care?”

Junmyeon shakes his head as he tries to keep his treacherous tears from leaking out from his eyes and his equally traitorous heart to stop pounding so hard against his ribs. “I—I, no, you don’t know me, you…”

Yifan doesn’t move any closer, but his hands reach out to touch Junmyeon. “Yes, you are right. I don’t know you anymore, and if you think whatever I know about you now has changed my mind, you would be wrong.”

Yifan _knows,_ Junmyeon realises and a different kind of fear grips him, “So, so, you know…”

Yifan’s gaze mollifies as he whispers, “Why did you never tell me anything Junmyeon?” His heart still clenches in pain when he remembers how much pain Junmyeon himself kept in and how much he couldn’t help alleviating it when he could have.

Junmyeon mumbles, “Because, because you would have hated me…” He jolts when he finds Yifan’s fingers cupping his cheek and a tear rolls down his cheek anyway.

Yifan drops his hand to Junmyeon’s neck, trying to get the other look at him. “What? I would never, I don’t even know how to hate you.”

Junmyeon feels himself shrivelling up inside when he remembers how much he hates _himself_ and he groans and pushes Yifan back, “You would Yifan, you would. I killed, no, I tortured my brother to death. You were there when I killed my father. I am a criminal, I do terrible things. I have killed more people than I can count, and would you still love me?” His hand brushes against the gun and he picks it up; then he points it at Yifan, whose eyes widen slightly before an impassive expression sets in, “What if I killed you, Yifan? Would you still say you don’t hate me?”

Yifan comes closer, despite the danger that looks at him over the barrel of the gun with his flushed face and teary eyes. He finds himself oddly calm as he says, “Go ahead Junmyeon, do it. Kill me, if that is what you want.”

Junmyeon’s hand shakes and he crumbles, his knees wobble and the gun drops from his hand. He doesn’t know if the safety was in place when the gun clatters to the floor and he almost hits the floor himself as the memories and feelings he had locked up suddenly floods him. Yifan rushes forward and wraps his hands around his waist and pulls him to his chest. Junmyeon sinks into his embrace and lets the tear flow, seep into Yifan’s shirt.

Yifan swallows; he hates seeing Junmyeon like this and his own eyes well up. He still loves Junmyeon so much and he can’t stop, no matter what happens and how far Junmyeon keeps trying to push him away. Junmyeon raises his head and his voice is small as he says, “I will never understand you, will I?”

Yifan smiles as he drops a kiss on the corner of Junmyeon’s lips. A total impulsive move, but Junmyeon’s shaky gasp in answer makes him smile bigger and he collects his courage as he takes a risk and puts his lips on Junmyeon’s.

Junmyeon didn’t see that small kiss coming, but one brush sends shivers shoot up his spine and his entire being fills with warmth he had missed, and he gasps. Then, Yifan _kisses_ him, properly, and he finds himself responding, eagerly so. It’s like the last few years never existed and when Yifan’s hands span his waist, to pull him closer, Junmyeon doesn’t resist. He can’t find it in himself to resist. So, when Yifan pulls back after a few seconds, Junmyeon is the one who cups Yifan’s neck and pulls him in for another kiss.

 


	14. Pieces

Junmyeon wakes up with a jolt when he hears doors slamming. The first thing he notices is that he is in the living room and he has arms wrapped around him. The second thing he notices that there is a warm, firm body underneath him and his nose is pressed against a pulse, softly thudding along with the rise and fall of breathing. Junmyeon tilts his head up and finds himself wrapped around Yifan and laid across the sofa. His eyes widen when he remembers what happened last night; they ended up kissing, a lot, and then fell on the sofa and Junmyeon started crying some more. Yifan just held him and Junmyeon soon exhausted himself with the emotional upheaval and must have fallen asleep.

It feels so nice, so warm and a part of Junmyeon doesn’t want to leave the embrace. Yifan is deeply asleep and Junmyeon watches him, his mouth slightly parted and his dark hair splayed across the ecru upholstery. Junmyeon rises a bit and cups Yifan’s chin, his fingers soon tracing over the other’s cheekbones and then back down to his lips.

Junmyeon feels a knot forming in his throat as his own skin remembers how those plump, small lips felt on his. It was so perfect, but how much of it was just nostalgia? Wasn’t he just reaching for something he cannot have? What was he thinking kissing Yifan back like that? And if anyone else ever got to know that the dangerous Gangnam Kim cried himself to sleep in his former lover’s arms, he will never be able to show his face anywhere.

So, with much effort, he detangles himself from Yifan, which wakes the latter up as well. Junmyeon watches, his heart aching in fondness as Yifan blinks himself awake and rubs his eyes before his soft, reverent gaze lands on Junmyeon and he gives him a small smile. Junmyeon almost smiles back but then he sees Minseok standing behind, his body leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, eyebrows raised, and his mouth narrowed in disappointment.

Junmyeon swallows; he can tell what Minseok is thinking of him right now. Weak, he called him weak whenever he allowed Yifan to overtake his heart. Junmyeon tears his gaze away from Yifan and gets to his feet. He clenches his fists and says, “Leave, please.”

Yifan just woke up from the best sleep he had had since coming to Seoul and his mind is still muddled, still riding high from the kiss, so Junmyeon’s words take some time to pierce through the haze in his brain. When it does, his heart drops to the floor and he grabs Junmyeon’s wrist. His voice is raspy and disbelieving when he murmurs, “What do you mean?”

Junmyeon sighs, “I am not the Junmyeon you are looking for.”

“Junmyeo—”

“Please, please leave. I have no place for you in my life. That kiss was a mistake.” Junmyeon almost gags at the lie he just spit out. The kiss was the best thing and he will never forget it, never forget how good it felt, how it felt like all the broken pieces were finally coming together. But now, he must take the hammer himself and break those pieces all over again. He hasn’t been whole in a long time and Yifan doesn’t fit into these broken spaces.

Yifan inhales, and he looks down at the carpet under his feet. He lets go of Junmyeon’s wrist and slowly gets to his feet. He feels his heart breaking all over again but a part of him still refuses to give up. He ignores that part inside him though; he knows when he is not needed anymore. So, he leaves without saying another word.

Junmyeon watches Yifan leave and he hates how Yifan doesn’t say another word. He hurt him and suddenly, he feels sick. His stomach turns, and he rushes towards the bathroom. He turns the tap on the basin and leans over it, dry heaving as hot, angry tears spill down his face. He splashes water on his face and lets his tears mix with the tap water as his entire body shakes. He hears footsteps behind him and he feels arms covering his shoulders. He also hears Minseok speak, even though it feels like he is hearing it from somewhere far away: “You are stronger than this.”

Junmyeon shakes his head; he is _not_ stronger than this. He slumps into Minseok’s arms and he sobs, “I hurt him Minseok, I did not want to hurt him. What have I done?”

Minseok says nothing as he pulls Junmyeon deeper into his embrace and lets Junmyeon cry his heart out.

 

Minseok waited till Junmyeon fell asleep before leaving the house again, trying to find some balance within himself, and to erase the burning jealousy he felt when he had found the two of them—Yifan and Junmyeon—curled up on the sofa together like it was the most natural thing in the world. He hates how he wishes it was him Junmyeon was with like that—he firmly believed he was getting over his stupid, unrequited love but apparently, he wasn’t. It is just getting worse.

Since he wasn’t feeling very sleepy, he decided to go hit the gym. At eleven in the night, he expects peace and quiet at the gym, but to his surprise he finds Lalisa on the treadmill. She doesn’t see him with her back turned to him and he watches her orange ponytail violently swish in the air as her legs pump up and down on the machine. He just stands there and watches her, and her long, lithe graceful body exert. She was dressed in a tank top and shorts, and for a second, he seems to forget why he came as he watches her. He drops his bag on the floor and she turns around, pulling her earphones out and stopping the machine. She sends him a toothy smile and says, “What brings you here old man?”

Minseok scoffs, his mood getting a bit brighter at that smile, “Old man, huh? I can out-run you on that thing.”

Lalisa raises an eyebrow and puts her hands on her hips. “Oh yeah, old man? Let’s see if you have the stamina for that.”

“You of all people shouldn’t be questioning my stamina,” Minseok winks and the blush on Lalisa’s face makes him grin wider. He gets on the machine beside her and says, “Okay, on three. One, two, three!”

Lalisa giggles as she tries to keep up with Minseok, who is basically taking out his frustrations for the day out onto the poor exercise machine. As she runs to keep up with Minseok, she realises that there is something under his laboured breathing and his flushed face and his furrowed eyebrows. His mirth lasts as long as a bubble does and soon his huffing turns mildly angry, and she stops. He doesn’t realise she has stopped and instead, he increases the speed on his machine.

Lalisa skirts around the machine and locates the plug, which she pulls out. Minseok groans as he stumbles; he throws a glare at her. She slides under his arms and steps on the treadmill, her head almost bumping into his. She stands as tall as him and she puts her hand on his shoulders, her gaze firm as she says, “What is wrong with you? What happened?”

Minseok growls and shoves her hands off and steps off the machine. Lalisa watches him pace for a while before speaking, “So, I am thinking it’s either the business or Junmyeon.” Minseok looks at her, surprised and she resumes, “Which one is it?”

Minseok pauses, putting his hands on his hips as he regards her, with her eyebrows raised and equally impassive expression. He shakes his head, “What do you know?”

“About you and Junmyeon?” she skips down from the machine and comes face to face with him, “It’s not a secret to me, you know.”

Minseok raises his eyebrows, “And you don’t mind?”

Lalisa shakes her head. “Nah, I know you like me, and that’s enough. I am not looking to marry you, old man.”

 Minseok inhales deeply as he scoffs, his mind reeling as he looks at Lalisa regarding him, her eyes unusually soft and the small smile on her as she closes the distance between them. When she cups his face to lightly press a kiss on his lips, Minseok’s heart pounds. His hands reach up to grab her waist and bring her close, he takes over the kiss. She melts into his embrace, tilts her head and parts her lips, letting him take over. Minseok shudders when her fingers curl at his nape, her nails sinking into his skin.

Minseok pushes her up against a wall, and Lalisa quickly wraps her legs around his waist. Her lips are soft, pliant under his and her skin is hot, sweaty under his fingertips as he pushes her tank top up her torso. Lalisa breaks the kiss for air first and as she pants, her gaze heavy on him and her mouth shiny and red, Minseok wonders why he can’t just feel the way he feels for Junmyeon for Lalisa instead. She gives, and she does take, but she never asks and Minseok feels this odd sensation filling his being that he somehow recognises as fondness.

He tucks his head on her neck and leaves small kisses all over it as he inches close to her ear. He whispers after nipping at her earlobe, “You are so gorgeous and perfect Lisa.”

Lalisa giggles as she tugs at his hair. When he is looking at her again, her heart thuds when she sees the affection in his eyes. She had never seen that before and it scares her, but also makes her happy in a way she can’t explain. He is different today, and she feels different too, and it still petrifies her though. She grins as she unwraps her legs and kisses his jaw, “Let’s takes this home, okay? I don’t want anyone walking in on us.” She cups his face as she adds, “And we can talk if you want to, or fuck if you don’t want to. I also do have some unhealthy snacks if you want to do neither.”

Minseok chuckles and nods, “I got my car, meet me in the lot, I will drive us home.” Then, he takes a deep breath as he says, “And it doesn’t matter what we do.” Oddly, he finds himself truly meaning what he said.

Her bright smile aimed at him as she picks up her bag and walks out of the gym dispels the dark clouds a little. They are not gone, not completely but for now, he just wants to be with her and in his head, he wonders when he did start associating the word “home” with her apartment anyway.

 

Junmyeon is back in his office the next day and his office is now filled with his closest and most trusted people. Minseok and Lalisa entered together and Minseok looks happier and the love bite on Lalisa’s neck lets Junmyeon know the reason why; Chanyeol hasn’t removed his sunglasses as he chugs some coffee, and Jeonghan has zoned out, his eyes misted, lost in thoughts. Junmyeon clears his throat and everyone looks at him; he crosses his arms and announces, “We have people coming from China this weekend, and yes, they are from the Triads.” The last part is directed at Chanyeol who looks at Junmyeon over the rim of his glasses, his mouth parting to ask the obvious question.

“Zhoumi finally came through?” Minseok asks as he leans over the table. When Junmyeon nods, he breaks out in a wide grin and there is a glimmer in his eyes, “Cool. This is good news!”

Junmyeon smiles as he uncrosses his arms and leans forward, his palms on the table top, “The Syndicate still needs to approve of this, so we need to arrange something.”

“A party?” Jeonghan asks, perking up a little. “That could be fun, and easier if Leeteuk is drunk. He is much easier to convince when he is drunk.” Low laughter erupts around the table as Jeonghan talks about the Syndicate member who’s usually stoic and composed till he gets intoxicated.

Minseok slaps the table and grins, “Yes! Been a while since Gangnam Kim gave Seoul a party, didn’t he?” The whole table cheers while Junmyeon slaps his own face in embarrassment at the moniker; he never liked it.

Preparations start in full swing and Junmyeon drops Kyungsoo a message before sending the Syndicate official invitations. Minseok is back to himself, and his ebullient mood infects everyone too, especially Jeonghan. Junmyeon can’t help but think that if Jeonghan ever wants to leave he can have a great career as an event planner. Chanyeol keeps his distance since his clumsiness is well known and he doesn’t want to be too helpful and get in Minseok and Jeonghan’s way.

Within two days, invites have reached every gang leader in the city. Sungkyu and Seunghyun too have been invited despite Minseok and Chanyeol being very against it. The four leaders of the Syndicate have rsvp’d and Jinyoung has been discharged with the duties to collect the Triad members and set them up in one of Junmyeon’s hotels. Everything has gone smooth so far and Junmyeon is pleased as he sits down for breakfast with Minseok the morning of the party.

The bell rings and Minseok gets up from the table to go open the door. Junmyeon turns around when he hears Minseok cursing under his breath; the older hasn’t opened the door but he must have seen who it is from the peep hole and he turns his head around to frown at Junmyeon, “It’s Yifan.”

Junmyeon widens his eyes and he slowly puts his chopsticks down on the table as he gets to his feet. He says, “Let me.”

Minseok bites his lip, “Are you sure?”

Junmyeon nods and Minseok shrugs as he moves away. He wonders whether he should continue with breakfast or make himself scarce. He hears Junmyeon opening the door and he chooses the latter; but he picks up his breakfast to finish in his bedroom (he isn’t giving up his food for one fucking Wu Yifan).

Yifan enters and the first thing he sees is Junmyeon’s slightly frightened face and the second thing he notices his Minseok scurrying into his room. He raises an eyebrow at that and Junmyeon looks over his back to see Minseok shutting the door behind him. He explains, “I, uh, I don’t think he likes you very much.”

Yifan smirks, “Yeah, I had figured it the second time he came over to beat my ass.”

Now that is news to Junmyeon; he scowls as he looks at Yifan, “What do you mean?”

Both Yifan’s eyebrows rise up his forehead as he realises, “You don’t know…”

Junmyeon steps closer, his scowl deepening, “I don’t know what?”

“Minseok and I have met two times since I came here. He tried to choke me once and tried to punch me the second time,” Yifan shrugs as he steps inside the living room area and sits down on the sofa.

Junmyeon drags his teeth over his lower lip and curses softly under his breath. He glares at the closed door of Minseok’s door and wonders what the fuck is wrong with Minseok lately. None of his behaviour is making sense to Junmyeon anymore. He almost starts walking towards Minseok’s door when Yifan interrupts, “But that’s not why I am here.” Junmyeon halts and looks down at Yifan, who resumes when he sees he has Junmyeon’s attention, “I finally know what Youngbae and Sungkyu plan to do with you.” Then, he turns to look at Minseok’s ajar bedroom door, “And Xiumin-sshi, you can join us, no need to eavesdrop.”

Yifan wakes up and he feels so rested and happy for no reason. His mind is a bit muddled and he remembers why he is happy right now—he kissed Junmyeon after years and years of yearning. But he hears Junmyeon say something and it doesn’t make sense to him, not immediately. However, the words do start making sense after a moment and when it does, his heart plunges to the floor. He reaches forwards and curls his fingers around Junmyeon’s wrist. When he speaks, his own sounds incredulous to him, “What do you mean?”

Junmyeon sighs, “I am not the Junmyeon you are looking for.”

“Junmyeo—”

“Please, please leave. I have no place for you in my life. That kiss was a mistake.”  

Yifan drops his hand and he feels all the air getting knocked out from his lungs. He says nothing because he suddenly finds himself speechless. He gets up and he knows his feet carry him to the door, and out of it and then down the streets but the journey from Junmyeon’s apartment to his own happens through a haze and he doesn’t even register the tears falling down his face till he reaches his home. He shuts the door to his bedroom and curls up on the bed, silently crying into the pillow.

A mistake, Junmyeon called whatever happened between them a mistake. Of course, it was, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t for Yifan, it can never be for him. And he doesn’t understand how his heart can break all over again. But it does, whatever he thought he had salvaged back when he held Junmyeon in his arms shatters to pieces all over again and he doesn’t know why he tried to put it together in the first place anyway.

Maybe Minseok was right, he doesn’t belong here, _with Junmyeon,_ anymore.

The next day, Yifan wakes up and lies on the bed, thinking yesterday was probably some dream. Yet, he can still feel Junmyeon’s soft lips on his own and his warm body pressing onto him when they laid down on the sofa. Yifan rubs his face and groans. He hears his phone ring and he picks it up to Youngbae crisply tell him, “Come meet me at Sungkyu’s safe house in an hour. We are finally starting. I will text you the address.”

Yifan wants to throw the phone across the room after telling Youngbae to go fuck himself, instead he says, “Yeah, okay. I will be there.”

An hour later, Yifan is seated in Sungkyu’s other apartment and to his surprise, a woman appears who hands him a glass of water. The door was opened by a servant and this is his first time here, and he didn’t expect the place to look so domestic and lived-in. The woman smiles at him, and he notes she is beautiful and she isn’t wearing anything branded and obnoxious—and judging by the interiors of the house, Yifan is sort of confused who she might be. She says, “Hi, you must be Dr Li, right? I have seen Seunghyun-sshi and Youngbae-sshi before, but I am yet to meet you. My name is Dasom, I am Sungkyu’s fiancé.”

She extends a hand towards him and he takes it, giving a firm handshake. Sungkyu enters with Youngbae in tow, and Yifan wonders where Seunghyun is. Sungkyu anticipates Yifan’s question and answers, “He won’t be joining us.”

Yifan doesn’t bother with further clarification. Sungkyu kisses Dasom on her cheek and she pinches his cheek before walking away, her eyes crinkling in affection as she smiles at him. Yifan hears a door shut and he looks up at Sungkyu, who is staring right back at him. Sungkyu clears his throat, and his usual condescending self looks kind of nervous, “Uh, keep this between us, okay? No one knows her; so, we can talk safely here.”

Yifan nods; he knows and understands all about secrecy. Youngbae begins without preamble soon after, “Okay, we have intel that Junmyeon will be throwing a party for the new deal he has cracked with the Triads. The Syndicate will be invited, and Sungkyu too will receive an invite—”

“Just to rub that in my face,” Sungkyu grumbles.

“—and you, after the stunt you pulled of saving Junmyeon’s life, will be going too,” Youngbae ignores Sungkyu’s bad mood, “And we will need you to infiltrate Junmyeon’s office. Can you assure us that Junmyeon can trust you? That you can convince your way into his domain?”

Yifan skin burns with the hatred he feels for the two people in front of him currently, but he curtly nods and says, “So, you want me to get into his office, but for what purpose?”

Sungkyu disappears into a room for a minute before returning with a box. He opens it and shows Yifan a device the doctor has never seen. Sungkyu explains, “This is a bug, this way we listen in on whatever goes on in Junmyeon’s office and this will help Youngbae collect evidence. He will have to show how he knew Junmyeon knew about the shipment and if we can capture him discussing it, the cop gets proof.”

Yifan frowns, “But how would you explain how the device ended up there? I have told you all before, I do not want to be named. I still have my reputation to protect back in China.”

Youngbae waves his hand. “You need not worry. Jiyong knows bits and pieces and he, and almost the entire department, know that I have informants everywhere. I can just bribe one and pull them up in court if needed.”

Yifan nods and picks the bug up. It is a tiny silvery thing with small holes on it and an adhesive sticker on the back. He supposes if it was put underneath a table, no one would notice even. Sungkyu drawls out, “Any questions Dr Li?”

Yifan puts the thing back down and scowls, “I did have, but it’s not related to this,” he points at the bug, “I keep hearing about this Syndicate thing a lot, who or what are they? Seunghyun-sshi mentioned them too.”

Youngbae scoffs, “Imagine an United Nations for the underworld.”

Sungkyu too chuckles and adds, “The Syndicate are the peacekeepers of the criminal world in all of South Korea if you will. Though peacekeeper is a loose term; whatever I or Junmyeon do needs approval from them. Their job is to protect the interests of the Korean underworld. The Korean mafia isn’t as solid as the Triads or the yakuza, the Syndicate thus, takes over.”

Youngbae lights a cigarette and leans back in his chair, “And the worst part is, no one exactly knows who the four leaders are. I know, thanks to Sungkyu here, but even then, knowing won’t help me, because I will never collect any evidence against them.”

Sungkyu fists his hand and puts up his pointer finger, “One, Do Kyungsoo, his family is involved deeply with the medical industry. All the shit they pull is nicely covered by their more legal businesses.” He puts his thumb out next, “Two, Park Leeteuk, has ownership of most broadcasting companies in Korea. Three, Lee Junho, scion of the major automobile company today. And lastly, Park Yeeun, an untouchable goddess and heiress to the Park & Park Private Limited.”

Yifan’s scowl deepens; he is sure he has read those names in the news often, even while in Enping. “Wait, and everyone just listens to them?”

Sungkyu purses his lips, “If they don’t want to magically disappear, then yes, we have to. Their power is untouchable, and no one wants to be on their bad side.”

 

For some strange reason, Yifan is with Minseok in a car heading for the office right now and it is deadly silent inside the car. Except for the sounds of gaming from the back where this orange-haired girl sits engrossed in her mobile game. She introduced herself as Lalisa and explained she is from Thailand before turning all her attention away from Yifan to her game. She is wearing this black dress with a high slit and as she sits cross-legged in the back, Yifan glimpses a small gun strapped to her thigh. He surmises what her job might be and doesn’t bother to speak after that.

Minseok, however, hasn’t tried to kill him again and Yifan supposes it is because of the information Yifan provided. When Yifan told what Youngbae and team wanted to accomplish at the party today, Junmyeon and Minseok soon decided to turn the game on them instead. So, now the plan has slightly changed and Yifan hopes no one on the other side ever gets to know about his double-cross. Youngbae thinks Yifan is faking his loyalty to Junmyeon and Minseok thinks the same. Or he did, because before they got ready for the party (this other man called Chanyeol wouldn’t let Yifan go to the party dressed in jeans and t-shirt), Minseok said to him, “You might be useful, huh.” Yifan presumes that is the most amiable Minseok can get with him.

The party won’t start yet—there is still an hour to go. Junmyeon has gone ahead to do some last-minute preparations. Yifan watches the office looming closer, the words Kim Industries blazing proud and bright in the distance. A small smile makes his way on his face anyway. The car slides into a basement parking area and they get down. Minseok opens the door for Lalisa and she sends him a wide smile in return. Her hair is up in a bun and he even tucks a stray strand behind her ear. Yifan raises an eyebrow at that but doesn’t comment on it. But she leaves them alone as she walks towards the elevators.

Minseok watches Lalisa walk and he feels his heart thudding a bit too loudly because she looks way too good tonight, and he just hopes he doesn’t get too distracted tonight. However, he feels eyes on him and he turns his head around to see Yifan silently judging him. He crosses his arms and asks, “What?”

“Nothing, you are a strange man,” Yifan replies.

Minseok narrows his eyes, “I could say the same for you too.”

Yifan rolls his eyes and decides to join Lalisa at the elevators. She has put away her phone away in the small beaded clutch she carries, and she grins when she finds him standing beside her, “You know, you are way too handsome for a doctor. That suit suits you! You look like a supermodel!”

Yifan feels his face heating up as he tugs at the bow around his collar. He is dressed in a simple black tuxedo by some high-end brand that he wouldn’t be able to afford even if he saves for a year. He chuckles, “Thank you.”

Minseok joins them and he scoffs, “No flirting Lisa.”

Lalisa rolls her eyes, “Calm down old man, if I see a good-looking dude, I will comment on it.”

The elevators swish open and they get inside. Minseok gets a message and he checks it; he says, “Jimin is ready.” He puts the phone back inside his pocket and looks at Yifan, “Showtime doctor.”


	15. Frequencies

Jimin meets them in front of Junmyeon’s office; quick introductions are made and Lalisa leaves to go find someone called Jinyoung. Yifan looks at Jimin and wonders how old the kid is—he looks so small and innocent but when he takes his suit jacket off, Yifan sees the two guns on the holster he is wearing, and he sighs a little. Appearances are deceiving, he should know that by now.

Yifan doesn’t see Junmyeon anywhere and Minseok notes the former’s listless eyes and scoffs, “If you can’t tell, he is indeed avoiding you.”

Yifan presses his lips and answers back, “I couldn’t even tell, thanks.”

Jimin looks at the two men, a bit warily. He has never met Yifan before, but he can tell Minseok and the man do not like each other and the tension between them is sort of terrifying. Jimin sincerely hopes they don’t start fighting or anything. Yifan passes him the device Sungkyu gave to him and Jimin grins when he brings out an identical device from his pocket. He says, “A zero forty-six, I knew it!”

Yifan blinks. “Uh, congratulations?”

Jimin takes both devices and puts them under Junmyeon’s desk. He slides underneath as well and starts tinkering with it. He switches the transmitters inside and the signal as well, so Sungkyu or Youngbae won’t be able to tell that the info they are receiving will be all fake and Minseok has already devised a script that they will all act out on the day the shipment arrives. Jimin gets back on his feet again and dusts his pants as he says, “So, the listener is jammed on the one they gave us, but the signal will emit from this room. Meanwhile, our bug is here too, but I will activate it on the day we go, and I will tune their listeners then.”

“Thanks Jimin,” Minseok pats the younger’s back. “Good job as always. Now go enjoy the party, and Chanyeol.” He winks at the last bit and Jimin blushes. Yifan still can’t help but think how young Jimin is when he smiles all shy and his cheeks are tinted pink, but then he reminds himself that this kid too might kill people as Jimin puts his jacket back on, hiding his guns underneath. He leaves the office, leaving Yifan and Minseok alone.

Yifan cannot show up at the party till it officially begins and the first few guests arrive, so he supposes he will wait here. Junmyeon’s office is at the highest floor and the vista of the city underneath from the massive glass windows is impressive. The city glitters like a jewel in the night and Yifan crosses his arms as he smiles down at it. He hears Minseok join him, lighting up a cigarette. He offers Yifan one who shakes his head. Minseok smirks, “So, you don’t smoke? Nothing in common…”

Yifan knows what Minseok is implying loud and clear. A part of him wants to punch that smug look off Minseok’s face, but he resists. He takes a deep breath and then chuckles, “Never needed anything in common.” He puts his hands in his pockets and he says, sounding a little wistful, “Sometimes, frequencies match, and connections made cannot be broken.”

Minseok looks at Yifan, his eyes glazed as he looks at Seoul. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and ponders over whatever Yifan said. Frequencies? Is that why Junmyeon can’t catch his because he is still tuned into Yifan’s? He smokes in silence and Yifan doesn’t try to fill it. The door opens again and they both turn their heads back to find Junmyeon standing at the entrance.

Yifan’s heart skips a few beats as Junmyeon walks in. He looks terribly handsome, with his hair slicked back and the jewel green suit looks amazing on him. Junmyeon avoids looking at Yifan and that hurts the latter. He addresses Minseok when he speaks, “Everything okay?”

Minseok extinguishes his cigarette in the ashtray on Junmyeon’s desk and nods his head, “Jimin is done with set-up. Jeonghan and the others?”

Junmyeon replies, “Yeah, they are done as well. Jinyoung is on his way to pick Zhoumi and his associates.”

“Good,” Minseok says. “I better go, your Mandarin is awful. It will be better if I greet them.” Junmyeon wants to stall Minseok but the latter marches out of the room before he could even open his mouth.

Yifan clears his throat when they are left alone, “You look good.”

Junmyeon, who had his gaze trained on the carpet, looks up and swallows at the small smile on Yifan’s face. He looks at Yifan properly for the first time and suddenly his throat very dry. Yifan looks good, way _too_ good, for his heart and sanity to take. He quickly averts his eyes and murmurs, “You look nice too.” And he does, with his hair parted to the side and the black silk jacket hugging him at the right places. Junmyeon is reminded again that Yifan is definitely not the teenager he sometimes sees in his dreams.

Yifan sighs, inaudible, as he turns around to look out again. He says, “Nice office though.”

Junmyeon comes to stand beside Yifan and he murmurs, “I killed my father to get this.”

Yifan shakes his head, “Do you...For fuck’s sake,” he feels his patient running thin all of a sudden. He turns around and grabs Junmyeon by his shoulders. The shorter gasps in surprise and his eyes widen as Yifan growls into his face, “I was there too, remember?”

Junmyeon doesn’t try to escape from Yifan’s grasp, even though he can. He feels the fight leave him as he bows his head and whispers, “You were not supposed to be there. You were not. And now you have blood on your hands because of me.”

Yifan loosens his grip and his hands slide down Junmyeon’s back, his palms brushing over the silk of his suit as he pushes Junmyeon closer. He tucks Junmyeon under his chin and sighs, “Junmyeon, if I had to return to the past, I would still do it. I would do anything to make you the opposite of unhappy. And you were so very unhappy then.”

Junmyeon feels the wetness pressing under his eyelids as he shuts them close when Yifan pulled him in. He melts into Yifan’s embrace and presses his face on the latter’s chest, sighing as the small confessions slips from his lips, “I was the happiest when I was with you.” He feels Yifan tightening his arms around him and feels his warm breath on his neck as the taller sighs deeply. The admission felt so heavy, yet Junmyeon suddenly feels so light. He tilts his head back and even though he knows he shouldn’t, he wants to anyway. He has fought with himself for too long, he is so, _so tired_. So, he rises on his toes and gently touches Yifan’s lips with his.

Every alarm bell goes off in Junmyeon’s head but when Yifan kisses him back, he doesn’t care. Yifan kisses him slow and tender, like he is so afraid to press any harder, or scare Junmyeon. But Junmyeon _is_ scared, has always been afraid of his feelings, of this love he couldn’t get rid of. Junmyeon slips his hands underneath the tuxedo jacket and smooths over the linen shirt Yifan is wearing and the latter pulls Junmyeon closer, wrapping his hands around Junmyeon’s waist, tighter. A curious sense of belonging descends on Junmyeon and his heart stutters, the panic flashing behind his eyelids. He roughly pushes Yifan away the next second and heaves.

Yifan is confused; he didn’t see this coming. He didn’t think Junmyeon would be the one to kiss him first but here they are. Just when he thought that maybe this could mean something, Junmyeon pushes him away. Yifan keeps blinking fast, trying to push air into his lungs and trying to make sense of Junmyeon’s behaviour. He reaches for Junmyeon, his fingers barely brush Junmyeon’s hair before the latter jumps back and looks up at Yifan, his eyes wide and shiny with unshed tears.

Junmyeon shakes his head, slowly, as he says, “Don’t...don’t look for the Junmyeon you knew all those years ago. I am sorry.”

Before Yifan could get another word in, Junmyeon turns around and marches out of the room. Yifan groans, rubbing his face and sits down on the chair. He fists his hands and slams them on the table. The pain jolts up his arm but he can’t care about it, not when he is seething, his anger directed at Junmyeon and Junmyeon only. Does Junmyeon not understand that Yifan doesn’t care about his past or his present? Yifan has only ever cared about _him_ , not what Junmyeon did or has done. He wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t leave his peaceful existence in Enping if he didn’t love Junmyeon for who he is.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon breaks into a run as he leaves the room and he runs down the corridor till the very end where the elevators are. The doors to the elevator slides open and he gasps when he finds Minseok about to step out from it. Junmyeon shudders and he crumbles, he rushes inside the elevator and grabs Minseok’s shoulders.

Minseok was coming upstairs to inform Junmyeon that the Syndicate members have arrived, instead, now he has an armful of a snivelling, shivering Gangnam crime boss. Minseok carefully runs his hand through Junmyeon’s hair, softly speaking, “Hey, everything okay? Do I need to punch Yifan?” The doors slide close and Minsoek hits the button for the first floor.

Junmyeon chuckles as he rubs his face, “No, you will not hurt Yifan, no matter what happens, okay?”

Minseok rolls his eyes. “No promises.”

The elevator descends, and Junmyeon feels his own heart descending to his knees as well. He is the one who keeps hurting Yifan anyway. He murmurs, “I kissed him first this time. Why did I do that?”

Junmyeon doesn’t receive an answer till the elevator reaches the first floor, and Minseok says as the door slide open, “Frequencies.”

Junmyeon looks at him, his brows furrowed in confusion. The doors slide open to Lalisa standing in Minseok’s line of vision and he himself wonders about frequencies. Lalisa feels someone staring at her, most probably, and she looks away from her conversation with Jinyoung and sends Minseok a smile, and he smiles back.

Junmyeon silently watches them and smiles; at least someone is happy. He thinks about Yifan in his empty office and he sighs. He has to do something about this, he can’t go around like this. Someone somewhere may eventually find out his weakness and then he will be fucked. At least, in Enping, he could keep Yifan alive, so in Seoul, he has to keep doing the same. He will never forgive himself if anything ever happened to Yifan.

 

Yifan finally saunters into the party, a good hour later. Someone named Jinyoung came for him and Yifan was glad for the staidness of the other. He was still mad about whatever transpired in Junmyeon’s office. But he can’t go confront Junmyeon about it yet, since the boss is now on full host mode, greeting people, shaking hands with them, making small talk. Yifan keeps standing in a corner, champagne in hand as he watches Junmyeon.

A woman enters the room and there is another woman trailing behind him, and Yifan almost gasps out loud. The second woman looks awfully similar to Sungkyu’s fiancé, but Yifan can’t tell, not when Dasom is dressed in this expensive gown and her eyes are made up. She looks so different that Yifan doubts himself. However, his doubts are cleared when the woman herself walks up to him with a smile, “Yifan-sshi?”

“Dasom?

Dasom laughs, amused at the surprised reaction on his face. She touches the earring dangling from her ear as she explains, “I work for Miss Park Yeeun. Sungkyu knows, but I don’t think he knows I am here.” Yifan nods, she resumes, “And you are done with whatever you came here to do?” Before Yifan can answer, she quickly glances behind her shoulder and sighs in relief when she finds her boss is deeply engrossed in a conversation with someone else. “I better go before she realises I am gone. It won’t bode well if I am seeing talking with you, I suppose.”

She gives him one last smile before disappearing into the crowd. After a few moments, he finds Dasom standing beside a tall woman with a long bob, dressed in a purple gown. So, that’s Yeeun, one-fourth of The Syndicate. Yifan keeps staring, wondering how a woman who looks like a CEO of some company be involved in crime like that. But then, he rakes his gaze over the crowd in the huge hall and he realises, Minseok was right, he doesn’t really belong here. Everyone is dressed in their best but Yifan is willing to bet they are concealing weapons and dark, dark secrets. And then, there he is—just a doctor from Guangzhou.

Yifan picks up a champagne flute from a passing waiter with a tray and chugs it down in one go. He puts the empty glass on another waiter with a tray, the taste of the cool drink hardly registered. He swipes his tongue on the back of teeth and finds Junmyeon in his green suit shake hands with a tall man with a sharp jawline and toothy smile. Yeeun walks up to them as well, and another short man joins them, then another even shorter joins the trio. Yifan understands they are The Syndicate people talk about; now it makes sense when Dasom said about Sungkyu knowing about her working with Yeeun.

Across the room, their eyes meet, Junmyeon’s and Yifan’s. Junmyeon’s eyes widen, in guilt? In remorse? Yifan doesn’t know, but he manages to keep his face impassive. Junmyeon tears his gaze away but Yifan notices the shorter man looking at him, his thick brows scrunched, and his mouth twisted in a grimace. Yifan is taken aback by the barely concealed hostility; what did he do to that man? Yifan is sure he never has seen that man in his life before.

Yifan spots another tray and picks up another flute. He doesn’t think this expensive drink will get him drunk, but he desperately wishes so. Then, to add to his misery, he spots Sungkyu walking up to him, a drink in his hands as well. Yifan bites back his groan.

Sungkyu asks, as soon as he is close enough, “So, did you do it?” Yifan tersely nods his head. A beat of silence follows before Sungkyu is speaking again, “I know what you may be thinking, no, I don’t use my fiancé to spy on people. I will never put her in any kind of danger.”

Sungkyu sees Yifan send him an incredulous look and he chuckles, sipping his drink, “Even thieves have honour Yifan-sshi. Even the worst of us would do anything for the ones we love.”

Yifan looks down at his shoes, a small frown on his face. Inside his head, he agrees with Sungkyu, wholeheartedly.

 

Minseok tugs at his collar; he doesn’t like wearing ties very much and he had to wear one tonight. He looks around at the crowd and notes everyone drinking and enjoying themselves—who doesn’t like free food and alcohol? He also looks at the side door where he finds the Syndicate members, the Triad members and Junmyeon disappearing behind, probably to the conference room on the floor above. Chanyeol and Jeonghan follow; Minseok deems it is now okay for him to sneak out for a smoke and take this fucking tie off his neck.

He leaves through the back stairs and out on the second-floor fire escape. He tears the tie off his neck and pops the first three buttons off. Whoever invented ties, he hopes they are burning for eternity in hell as he lights a cigarette up.

“Light one up for me too, old man,” Minseok grins, not needing to turn his head to know who’s talking. He lights another cigarette up and hands it to Lalisa, who takes it and places it between her lips. Minseok looks down at her mouth and remarks, “Huh, you look nice in red.”

“Yeah?” Lalisa inhales the smoke, holds it in before exhaling it, the bluish smoke curls out from between her red lips, and Minseok suddenly feels way too hot under his collar. He chucks his burning cigarette away and winds his hands around her waist. Her eyes widen slightly before a small smirk creeps up on her face. She puts her hands around his neck and tilts her head as he leans down at the same time, sealing his lips over hers.

She tastes like smoke and, perhaps, something sweet as he parts her lips and slips his tongue inside. She groans and her finger clutch at the hair on his nape as he kisses her hard, like a man thirsting for water. She kisses him back, with equal fervour and need, and he realises they haven’t been able to do this for the last couple of days, both busy with preparing this party. He was feeling odd and restless ever since Yifan talked about frequencies, and right now, as she nips on his lower lip and sucks on it, he wonders if he has been missing the right channel all along.

Lalisa whimpers, annoyed, when Minseok pulls back. She pouts, ready to admonish him but ends up laughing softly when she sees her red lipstick smeared all across his mouth. She rubs the corner of his mouth and murmurs, “You look like a vampire from a low budget movie—you know, with low production quality so they use paint for blood.”

Minseok touches his mouth and it doesn’t surprise him to find his fingers stained red. Her lipstick is smudged to the high heavens as well and he grins, tilting his head to the back, lifting his eyebrows, “Do I look like a hot low budget vampire?”

Lalisa laughs, “You do!”

There is an odd tugging sensation in his gut as he watches her laugh. That same fondness fills him again, whatever he felt that time in the gym and the first night they didn’t spend having sex (they ate junk food and watched terrible reality television instead). He cups her face and swallows, the words jabbing at the back on his throat. He tries to clear his throat, trying to get the words out. Lalisa frowns, now obvious to the turmoil in Minseok’s eyes. She kisses his nose and whispers, “What is it, old man? You okay?”

“Will you date me if I asked you?” Minseok blurts out, the words spilling out suddenly. He watches her eyes widen, comically so and sees her mouth drop and her chest rise and fall as she takes a deep, deep breath. His heart stops, and he waits.

Lalisa is taken aback; she doesn’t know what the strange sensation in her stomach is—are they the butterflies Jimin speaks about when he talks about his dates with Chanyeol? Her stomach feels funny and she half wonders if it is because of the cranberry Breezers she drank. She finds it hard to look at him, feeling exposed suddenly, so she looks at his bare neck and mumbles, “And what, what about Junmyeon?”

Minseok staggers, inhaling deeply as he closes his eyes. He opens them again to find Lalisa chewing on her lower lip. He takes a moment, arranges the words in his head because, honestly, he has never done this before—this whole admitting-your-feelings thing. He speaks, slowly, “I don’t know Lisa. I don’t want to know. All I know is what I have with you is good and I like being with you so, so much. Me and Junmyeon will never be anything, so either I can waste time wishing for that to happen, or I can take my chance with you, because somehow, and I never realised how or when, I have started to like you Lisa.” And as he says the words, he realises he had, he had started to fall for her somewhere between the first time she smiled at him to the moment everything shifted at the night they met in the gym.

Lalisa looks up and Minseok inhales shakily when he sees her eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Old man, I like you a lot, you know, so if you suddenly want to be my boyfriend, you have to mean it and take me out on some seriously good dates, or I will throw you into the river.” She scrunches her nose and blinks away the tears she doesn’t want him to see, “I know we started as friends with benefits, but I didn’t just jump you because you were hot, I did have the tiniest crush on you, okay?”

Minseok is surprised at the admission, and for some strange reason it makes him smile. He puts his hands on her waist again and lifts her up. She squeaks but then starts giggling when she sees the elation on his face. She lightly brushes her lips on his and wraps her legs around his waist. Minseok moves and pushes her against the wall with little to no effort, yet his breath catches in his lungs when he sees her looking down at him, her eyes as warm as he was feeling inside. He suddenly _knows_ he did the right thing—she was the right thing.

They kiss again and Minseok hand travels from her waist to the slit on her dress, diving beneath the fabric and cupping her butt, lightly squeezing it. His finger brush against the edge of her underwear and she pulls back from the kiss. She glares down at him as she tries to push the air back into her lungs, “We are not fucking on the fire escape.”

Minseok rolls his eyes but he knows she has a point. He was getting seriously aroused and he had forgotten they were in a very public place, so he nods as he lets her back on his feet. He kisses her temple and whispers, “I want to ask if we can fuck tonight when I come over, but I think I want to take you out on a first date first.”

Lalisa blushes and Minseok enjoys it; he has never seen her this bashful. She tries to overcome the sudden shyness and narrows her eyes at him, “You can still come over. I accept late night dates at McDonalds’ or any place that is open.”

“Oh?” Minseok grins, moving closer, his eyes glinting. “So, what about tonight? Say about one thirty am? I know a place, close by even.”

Lalisa knows this place; she had dinner with him before there, but they were not dates, not really. She licks her lips as she grabs his collar, “Done, old man.”

They were about to kiss again when they hear the door over their head burst open and a footsteps rain down on the stairs. Minseok and Lalisa detangle themselves, and as he reaches for his gun, Kyungsoo halts in front of them, his eyes wide in fear as he wheezes, “Minseok, fuck, you need to help us.”

Then Lalisa gasps when she sees the blood staining Kyungsoo’s white shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea of frequencies and people with matching frequencies is actually not mine but of someone very dear to me. this person is an idiot most of the time, but sometimes he does say some smart and nice things, and his thought about some people having the same frequencies struck me. he believes that some people never stop being important to us, or leave us completely despite distance and time, because they just click in place; he meant both lovers and friends. and he is right, there are so many people i have lost and gained over the years and the ones that stay are the people whose wavelengths just match with mine, and i am glad he is one too.
> 
> idk why i am sharing this, but if you have some people like this in your life, i think you will understand why Yifan would still do anything for Junmyeon; he is just on the right wavelength with Junmyeon


	16. Fixing What's Broken

Zhoumi seems impressed with the arrangements and Chanyeol tries to not roll his eyes. They bundle into the conference room, along with the Syndicate members and their respective secretaries. The associates of each Syndicate member are of course sworn to secrecy and they are well aware that talking outside will lead them to their deaths, ever so quickly.

The same goes for Chanyeol and Jeonghan right now as well. They can talk about the meeting to Jimin or Lalisa, but if they spoke of this outside the gang, they would be swiftly executed as well. The Triads teaming up with Junmyeon is public knowledge, but the terms and conditions of this arrangement is confidential.

Chanyeol’s fluency over Mandarin accords his presence here while Jeonghan is here to put down the minutes of the meeting (he is an unusually fast typer). There are three members from the Triad and Chanyeol has done his research on them. Zhoumi is the more popular one, and he has bought his nephew with him, a lanky teenager named Yukhei, who looks innocent enough but when the boy shook Chanyeol’s hand, the older man was surprised by the strong grip and the calloused hand. The last member is Song Qian, a former actress who fell for a Triad member and stayed in the business even after she was widowed (rumour says she positively poisoned her husband, but no one dare question her).

Junmyeon and his associates take their seat last. Jeonghan immediately powers up his computer and flexes his fingers, ready to jot down everything. The meeting begins and Chanyeol translates everything for the Syndicate members. Zhoumi throws a nice pitch and the Koreans present seem to be in agreement; they all stand to profit in teaming up with the biggest drug suppliers from China. Zhoumi has secure networks and Junmyeon has the customers. After an hour or so, Junmyeon and Zhoumi shake hands and they are both happy.

Jeonghan ushers in a waitress, who rolls in the bottles of champagne. Yeeun volunteers to pop one and soon the alcohol starts to flow. The dozen or so people mill around the room, making better acquaintances; Zhoumi has taken a shining to Yeeun, and they are conversing in broken Korean. Kyungsoo, as expected, is drinking on his own as he rakes his gaze all over the room. Chanyeol decides to join his former boss.

Kyungsoo eyes Chanyeol as he sits down beside him. A rare, warm smile graces his face as he remarks, “Must say, your Mandarin is spotless now.”

Chanyeol snorts, “The two years you had me train under Han Geng were a nightmare I never want to repeat, thank you.”

Kyungsoo smirks; Chanyeol and his family have worked closely with the Dos for a long time now. He loaned out Chanyeol all those years ago to Junmyeon when he needed help with clearing out dissent in the ranks. Good thing Chanyeol was amongst the best and the rest went smoothly. However, Chanyeol wanted to branch out and Kyungsoo didn’t think of not allowing it. The older man says, “I hear you found another reason to never return to us?”

Chanyeol chuckles and sips on his drink. He winks at Kyungsoo and says, “Yeah, I did and he’s the most amazing person ever hyung.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the affection in Chanyeol’s face, who adds, “And he’s a mean shot too.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head as he looks at the woman trailing after Yeeun. He feels like he had seen her somewhere before—and then it hits him, he had seen her talking with Yifan, hasn’t he? The woman whispers something to Yeeun and Kyungsoo watches, with his eyes narrowed, as Zhoumi’s gaze lands on her instead. Kyungsoo notes the sudden gleam in the Chinese man’s eyes and he has a keen sense of foreboding, backed by years of silent observation and cleaning up after people’s messes.

He taps Chanyeol on his forearm and whispers, “Keep an eye on Zhoumi, will you?” With that, he leaves his former employee alone as he walks up to Junmyeon. Chanyeol doesn’t ask questions, and Kyungsoo appreciates that since he could be very wrong. Humans are entirely unpredictable at times after all.

Junmyeon excuses himself out of the conversation he was having with Qian when he sees Kyungsoo quirking an eyebrow at him. They step out of the room and Kyungsoo asks, without preamble, “Who is that with Yeeun?”

Junmyeon frowns, “Aren’t you supposed to know?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “No, you have to know I don’t really socialise with the rest of the Syndicate members much.”

Junmyeon shrugs, “I wouldn’t know, sorry, hyung.”

Kyungsoo crosses his arms and jerks his head in the direction of the crowd in the hall, “Keep an eye on your former lover, he might be in trouble, I saw him talking to Yeeun’s assistant.”

Junmyeon’s breath catches in his lungs; why would Yeeun’s assistant be talking to Yifan of all people? If the Syndicate had any interest in Yifan, he knows Kyungsoo would let him know. He blinks in confusion for a second before deciding to go keep an eye on Yifan himself, just in case.

It takes him some time to find Yifan, but he locates the doctor at a corner, at a small table, laughing with Jimin. A flash of jealousy courses through him when he sees Yifan’s eyes crinkling at something Jimin says, that gummy smile of his in full display. He fists his hands and his eyebrows furrow before he remembers that Jimin and Chanyeol are a thing now and even if that wasn’t part of the equation, does he have any business feeling jealous over Yifan talking and smiling at another man?

He decides to stay in the hall anyway; his eyes meet with Sungkyu’s, who sends him a tight smile that Junmyeon returns. Not that the other Kim can do any harm here, so Junmyeon heads over to the bar and asks for some whiskey to quiet that nagging voice in his head asking him if he entirely okay with Yifan being with someone else.

 

Meanwhile, back at the meeting room, the small party had dispersed and Kyungsoo keeps a close look at Zhoumi, who has probably drunk more than he can handle. Chanyeol had left after some time with a flimsy excuse (Kyungsoo had seen him smiling down at his phone with his ears turning red). With a sinking heart, he sees the Triad boss follow the assistant out of the room. He curses under his breath and follows them, though he loses Zhoumi around a corner. The room has three exits and the assistant left from the one at the back, which Kyungsoo deduces must be the way to the restrooms. However, the corridor curves into a L-shape and when he comes around that he notes that there are more doors down the corridor than anticipated, and there is a flight of stairs going up as well. To his increasing dismay, he finds the doors aren’t marked, so he can’t even tell if they indeed are restrooms.

Then, a loud, piercing scream cuts through the silence and it takes two tries, but Kyungsoo finally finds the source of the scream. He pushes the door open and finds Zhoumi standing, his head bowed down. Kyungsoo steps in and Zhoumi looks up, his eyes wide and he stammers, “I, I didn’t mean to, I swear—”

Kyungsoo looks down and he gasps; the assistant lies covered in blood and glass on the floor. There probably was a struggle and she felt onto the glass table. She probably went careening head first since a large shard of glass is jutting out of her throat.  However, Kyungsoo notes her chest is still heaving, albeit with great difficulty, but he kneels beside her and tries to stop the bleeding by pressing onto her neck.

The woman turns to look at him and she moves her mouth, trying to say something but the very next moment, her breathing stops and Kyungsoo sees the light die out of her eyes. He whispers, “Fuck.” He looks back at Zhoumi and frowns, “Do you understand what you did?”

The Chinese man flails, his eyes widening, “It was an accident!”

Kyungsoo groans and gets to his feet; he glares at Zhoumi and says, “Go back and stay quiet. I will take care of this.”

The look of relief passing over Zhoumi’s face makes Kyungsoo even madder but the man does as he is told and scurries out of the room. Kyungsoo looks down at the woman and sighs—he needs to find Minseok. He doesn’t think dragging Junmyeon into this is a great idea.

He spends some time looking for Minseok, and he has to keep in the shadows since he had mistakenly wiped his bloodied hands on his shirt. He finally finds Minseok at the fire escape, making out with this orange-haired girl. Junmyeon’s right-hand man pulls out his gun as he pants, “Minseok, fuck, you need to help us.” The girl gasps when she sees his blood-stained shirt.

Minseok pockets his gun and points at the blood on Kyungsoo’s shirt, “What the fuck happened? Did you hurt yourself?” His eyes widen as he inhales deeply, “Is Junmyeon okay?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, his mouth pressing into a thin line before he says, “Junmyeon isn’t involved in this, and you can’t tell him.” He jerks his head towards Lalisa and adds, “The same goes for you too.”

Lalisa nods and then, Kyungsoo beckons them to follow him. They return to the room with Kyungsoo and Minseok gasps when he sees the dead woman staring up at the ceiling. Lalisa inches closer and frowns, “Who the hell is this?”

Kyungsoo answers, “That’s Yeeun’s assistant.” He rubs his face and groans, “We have to be quiet, not even Yeeun should know she is dead.”

Minseok asks, “Did somebody kill her?”

Kyungsoo shrugs, “I can’t be sure. Zhoumi says it was an accident.”

Minseok whistles, “So, that’s why neither Junmyeon or Yeeun can know, right?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze is hard and calculating as he finds Minseok grinning at him, his eyes gleaming that unholy way it usually does. He asks, “What do you want?”

Minseok shakes his head. “When the time comes, I will collect.”

“I’d like a Colt Night Cobra though,” Lalisa says, raising her hand in the air, “It will go well with all my evening dresses.”

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, wondering how serious this orange-haired girl was being. Minseok chuckles, “Well, what my girlfriend wants, she should get, eh Mister Do?”

Kyungsoo’s surprise increases at the “girlfriend” part, even though he just saw them making out. He didn’t think this man was even capable of such feelings; anyway, he nods, “Fine, one Colt Night Cobra for the young lady. Now help me.”

 

Back at the party, Junmyeon finds himself forced to socialise with a bunch of people he can’t really care about. They are some street gang from some village and they are probably looking for Junmyeon’s money and influence, which honestly, Junmyeon is not ready to give since he doesn’t see how this can profit him. The area they are from has a population of mostly elderlies and young people returning home for Chuseok once a year. What is Junmyeon supposed to do there? Sell ecstasy to sixty year old ahjussis? He supposes he can invest in real estate there, but that will take extensive research and time. So, he just smiles and moves on.

“Yah Kim Junmyeon!” someone shouts his name and Junmyeon turns around to find a very intoxicated Sungkyu staggering towards him. Junmyeon rolls his eyes, already annoyed.

Sungkyu comes closer and the alcohol in his tumbler sloshes with his unsure steps. Junmyeon frowns, Sungkyu obviously wants to cause a scene and his objective is achieved since everyone’s attention is on them now. Junmyeon has to maintain decorum no matter how much he just wants to sock Sungkyu in his face and be done with it.

Junmyeon crosses his arms and glares down at Sungkyu, “What do you want?”

Sungkyu stumbles, but manages to slur out, “What do I want?” he tilts his head to the side,” Why, that’s a good question…” He even juts his lip out, pretending to think, “I mostly want you to stop getting in my way.”

Junmyeon can’t help but scoff, “Me? Getting in your way? Are you sure it’s not the other way round?” Junmyeon takes a deep breath and pushes his hands in his pockets, shaking his head, trying to reel himself in, “Anyway, let’s not do this here, you are wasted.”

Sungkyu sneers, shouting, “Fuck off you snob!” His bares his teeth, “How come a bastard like you has so much power, huh?”

Junmyeon fists his hands inside his pockets and tries to not lose himself. A crowd has gathered and he can hear them murmuring amongst themselves, and he _will not_ give them the pleasure of a fight. “We are not doing this here.”

“Oh, we are!” Sungkyu sways a little before emptying the contents of his drink into Junmyeon’s face.

Junmyeon is taken aback, and he doesn’t move for a second. The liquid runs down his face and seeps into his collar and his eyes burn. He blinks, trying to lessen the irritation and he opens them just in time to see Sungkyu’s fist come flying at him. It makes contact with his nose and Junmyeon hears a sickening crunching sound as his head jerks back and he stumbles. When he centres himself again, pain blooms all across his face and he feels his blood leak out of his nose and onto his parted lips.

Sungkyu smiles all victorious but it doesn’t last when Jimin and Jinyoung come rushing in and grab Sungkyu by his armpits. Sungkyu thrashes for a while before his own bodyguards arrive and Junmyeon’s men throw the man into their arms. Jinyoung glares, “Take your boss away before we start firing at all of you.”

The men listen, though one of them spits at Jinyoung’s feet, and they drag Sungkyu away. Junmyeon finds it difficult to breathe and drops of blood fall onto the floor under his feet. He finds Jimin wrap his arms around him and whisper, “Come with me boss.”

Junmyeon lets Jimin drag him away and he feels a bit faint as the bleeding doesn’t stop. Jimin pulls him onto the elevator and takes him to the break-room on the fifth floor. Junmyeon doesn’t realise but the second elevator followed them, and out steps Yifan and Chanyeol from it. Jimin has barely managed to grab the first aid kit when Yifan barges into the room and gasps at the amount of blood on Junmyeon’s face.

The blood is smeared all over the lower half of Junmyeon’s face and has dripped onto his shirt. Junmyeon’s eyes look slightly out of focus and he looks paler than usual. The doctor inside him kicks in as soon as his eyes land on the injury—the bruising looks bad and there is blood flowing from both nostrils—and he firmly orders, “Get an ambulance, or get him to a hospital. His nose is fractured.” Chanyeol and Jimin stare at him wide-eyed before Yifan shouts, “Move! He is losing way too much blood for it to be a simple injury!” Both Chanyeol and Jimin try to leave but Yifan halts Jimin by grabbing the younger man’s shoulder and says, “Get me some ice wrapped in cloth and pain tablet, advil or Tylenol will do.”

Jimin nods as he rushes out of the room to get the things. Yifan removes his jacket and exclaims in relief when he finds some towels in the room. He rolls a towel into a cylindrical shape and coaxes Junmyeon to lie down. He even rolls his own jacket up and puts his under Junmyeon’s head, to add more elevation. Yifan looks around the room again and spots a roll of toilet paper, and in an ideal situation, he would like some sanitised gauze pads, but this has to do. He tears enough paper to roll into two narrow cigar shaped rolls and gently inserts them into Junmyeon’s nostrils. He hears Junmyeon’s pained cry and it makes him feel terrible but he has to stop, or at least try to stop, the bleeding.

Yifan kneels on the ground beside the bench he laid Junmyeon out on and gently cards his fingers through Junmyeon’s hair and says, “Try to breathe from your mouth okay? And don’t try to speak.”

Junmyeon reaches for Yifan’s hand and Yifan holds it, lacing his fingers through and squeezing them. He kisses each knuckle and smiles, “You will be fine, you are feeling lightheaded but that’s just the blood loss. And I think your nose will be fine too, shape-wise.” Yifan grins, “Even though a crooked nose won’t be that bad, you would still be the most beautiful person I’d ever met.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widen, and then crinkle slightly as his lips curve into a small smile, obviously amused by Yifan’s attempt to make him feel better. Jimin returns at that moment and hands Yifan a napkin filled with ice cubes. He gently presses the cloth against the bruising, careful to not get too close to the actual broken area, now swollen and turning an ugly shade of purple. Yifan looks at Jimin, “Did you bring any tablets?”

Jimin shakes his head, “Couldn’t find any. But Chanyeol will be here soon.”

Chanyeol arrives five minutes later and he says, “We need to move, I have managed to get a doctor to agree to operate at Apollo.”

Yifan nods and moves to the side as Chanyeol picks Junmyeon up and carries him to the elevator. For some reason, Junmyeon keeps holding onto Yifan’s hand, refusing to let go even when Chanyeol and Jimin look down at it and question just _what_ is this Wu Yifan to their boss after all.

 

As Jimin was whisking Junmyeon away, Seunghyun saw something. When Sungkyu threw the drink at Junmyeon, he had seen Yifan trying to get through the crowd only to be stopped by this man as tall as himself. Then, when he saw Yifan and that tall man sneak out, following Junmyeon and this other man, Seunghyun wondered.

Where do the loyalties of the doctor really lie?


	17. To Believe

Junmyeon wakes up, feeling groggy and his vision is blurred before he blinks his eyes to clear it. He slowly comes to his senses and realises his face hurts and it is still sort of hard to breathe through his nose. He opens his mouth and gasps when he finds how parched his throat is. Someone perhaps hears him because he hears a chair scrapping on the floor and a face hovers him, a warm hand covers his and a gentle voice says, “Hey, Junmyeon?” Junmyeon recognises the face, it is Yifan, and for a moment he wonders what he is doing here. Yifan pushes something against his lips and says, “It’s water.”

Junmyeon wraps his lips around the straw and takes a long sip of it. He feels the scratchy sensation going away and he clears his throat before saying, “Hey, where are we?”

Yifan grins, “They hit you pretty hard with the anaesthesia, I think.” He brushes his fingers against Junmyeon’s jaw and says, “We are at the hospital, your nose was fractured.”

Junmyeon raises his hand to touch his face and finds gauze under his fingertips. He closes his eyes and as he remembers, he groans, “Oh, right, that idiot.”

Yifan smiles as he cups his face, “Luckily, the fracture wasn’t serious and I think you will heal in a few weeks. And there most probably won’t be any serious scarring.”

Junmyeon sighs as he turns his gaze towards the ceiling. The door to his private room barges open and both men turn to find Minseok standing at the entrance with a confused look on his face. Yifan is back to frowning because Minseok’s presence just manages to bring out the cranky in him. Junmyeon just says, “Where were you last night?”

Minseok raises his eyebrows as he strolls in, hands in pockets. He shrugs, “I was with Lisa.”

Junmyeon groans, “Okay, I don’t need to hear anything more.”

Yifan, however, isn’t convinced. As a doctor, he had to learn how to pick apart people’s body language and understand when they are trying to hide something, such as an embarrassing symptom. So, he notes the rigidity in Minseok’s shoulder and the way he pushes his hands deeper into his pockets. He is hiding something; he probably wasn’t with Lalisa at all last night.

Minseok, meanwhile, laughs, “Can’t believe you got socked by that idiot!”

Junmyeon groans again, “Shut up! I wasn’t gonna punch him and have people enjoying it.”

Minseok drags a chair and sits down beside the bed. “That would have been quite the show. Gangnam Kim versus Gangbok Kim, the final showdown!”

Yifan shakes his head as he gets to his feet. He yawns and stretches his back as he says, “Do you guys want anything?”

Minseok grins, “Nope. Go ahead doctor Wu.”

Yifan leaves the room and Minseok’s cheery disposition drops. He looks at Junmyeon and sighs, “Kyungsoo told me to wait a few days, but I have to tell you.”

Junmyeon scowls, “Tell me what?”

“Last night, there was an accident,” Minseok says and his grim voice makes Junmyeon uncomfortable. “Zhoumi tried to hit on Yeeun’s assistant and she struggled and fell over a glass table. She died instantly, and Kyungsoo had me and Lisa take care of the body.”

Junmyeon hears the account, dumbfounded. He processes all that Minseok said and he just sinks into his pillow and murmurs, “Fuck.”

“Yes, I know. And I also know that this shouldn’t go outside you, me, Lisa and Kyungsoo. I don’t know how Yeeun will react but this can affect our deals with the Triads a lot.”

Junmyeon shakes his head as a dull ache grows on the front of his forehead. “Fuck, Minseok, what the fuck…”

“I know, I am sorry,” Minseok shrugs. “I had to make the body disappear.”

Junmyeon scowls, “Even if the cops find out, this can’t mean well. How hard can it be to find who she was?” He narrows his eyes at Minseok and asks, “Who the hell was she?”

“Kim Dasom, we had to chuck her purse away too,” Minseok says. “I found her licence.”

“By chucking…what exactly did you do?”

Minseok licks his lips, his feline eyes gleaming in that unholy way it usually does when he is up to no good. “The landfill in Gangbok.”

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “The dramatics wasn’t needed Minseok!” The other simply laughs.

 

The landfill in Gangbok is owned by the Jung family, generously supported by the Kim family of course. Seungcheol is on an errand to collect the cash the Hong street gang had promised to Sungkyu. The Hong, and a few other local gangs around here, use the landfill to dispose evidence and corpses. They pay to both the Kims and the Jungs, and since this is much a mere task, Sungkyu never comes here on his own, usually sending his many minions. Today, almost everyone was busy so Seungcheol was sent to get the money.

Seungcheol parks his motorbike and removes his helmet. He doesn’t bother fixing his hair, now a bit sweaty due to humid weather Seoul is experiencing all of a sudden. He enters the landfill and the stench immediately makes him want to turn back around and leave, but a job is a job and someone has to do it.

He doesn’t need to flash any identification or tell anyone anything as he enters the compound and makes a beeline for the small one story building to his right. He opens the door and the cool air inside almost makes him sigh in happiness. But the aggressive floral room freshener, to mask the smell in the air, almost has his him gagging. The room is already occupied by a Hong representative and one of Jungs, a woman named Soojung, who is busy filing her nails. She looks up and nods, “Cool, everyone is here.” She drops the nail file and the Hong kid gets out two envelopes out of his messenger bag.

He puts one on Soojung’s desk and hands Seungcheol the other with a small bow. Seungcheol bows back and takes the envelope. Suddenly, the door whooshes open again and an employee barges in, panting as he tells his boss, “Ma’am, there’s a body!”

Soojung frowns and glances between Seungcheol and the Hong kid, “Did you two dump anyone here without my permission?” When both men shake their heads, Soojung gets to her feet, her features twisted into a scowl. Her heels clack on the floor as she rushes out of the room. Seungcheol and the guy follow her, both curious to know who the body is.

While getting there, as directed by the employee, Soojung says, “And none of you saw anything last night?”

The man bows his head and sounds guilty as he says, “Sorry, ma’am, but the cameras on this side were removed due to some fault three days ago.” Soojung glares at him and he cowers some more, “We are fixing it”

The employee takes Soojung to the very end of the place and she looks down at the body of the rather well-dressed woman and frowns, “Who the fuck?”

Seungcheol steps forward and gasps when he recognises the corpse. Soojung notes his reaction and glares at him, “So, you know who the fuck this is?”

Seungcheol swallows as he nods, his eyes now wide with fear. “Yes Miss Jung, I know who this is.”

 

Seunghyun steps aside as Sungkyu flings a vase towards the wall. The discovery of Dasom’s body by Seungcheol had reached Sungkyu an hour ago and the man had rushed to check if it was true. He maintained his composure when he saw Dasom lying lifeless on a mountain of cardboard boxes her neck bloodied and her face ashen, and he didn’t break when they carried her back to be cremated. But as soon as the cremation was done and Sungkyu was back in the office, the storm erupted.

Seunghyun had a meeting with Sungkyu today and he wasn’t aware of the fiancée’s death. He opened the door to his office to find the boss screaming and flinging items to the wall and to the floor. He also finds his right-hand man standing at a corner, head bowed and his lips jutting, occasionally sniffing. Just as a vase almost knocks into him, Seunghyun steps outside and catches Seungcheol’s eye, who follows him and tells him what has happened.

Seunghyun scowls, “Dasom? Who would want to kill Dasom?” He grabs Seungcheol’s forearm and narrows his eyes, “Was it even a murder?”

Seungcheol nods. “We got the funeral director to look at her and he confirmed that she was stabbed through her neck. And he also thought she might have been dead for two days.”

“Where was she found?”

“At the Jung landfill. They were closed the day before yesterday and they only discovered her today.”

Seunghyun rubs his face and groans, “Shit, who would do this?” Seungcheol shrugs but Seunghyun’s mind whirs. He remembers the things that happened two nights ago. He looks up, inhaling sharply as he says, “Do you think Gangnam Kim had something to do with this?”

“Kim Junmyeon and his cronies?” Seungcheol frowns. “Are you talking about the whole punching incident?” Seungcheol nods, but Seungcheol shakes his head, looking unconvinced, “But why would he kill her for one punch? Isn’t that absurd?”

Seunghyun shakes his head, “Who knows? Who knows how Kim Junmyeon works any—”

Suddenly, the door to Sungkyu’s office opens and the men pause their discussion. The man had heard the entire conversation his employee and Seunghyun had. Sungkyu’s eyes are red and he looks wild, and Seungcheol can tell his boss is about to do something stupid. He says, his voice eerily low and firm, “Time I met Junmyeon face to face then.”

 

Minseok gets a message on his phone and they are still in the hospital with Yifan and Eunyon. Junmyeon is going to get discharged today and Eunyon came to visit him. He reads the text and frowns. He looks at the people in the room and his gaze meets Yifan’s, who raises an eyebrow in question. Minseok jerks his head towards the door and walks out. A moment later, Yifan follows and the doctor doesn’t look happy and crosses his arms as he says, “What?”

Minseok says, “Do you know who Kim Dasom is?”

Yifan frowns, wondering what Minseok was getting at. “Why?”

Minseok groans and throws his head back, “Don’t fuck with me right now, do you or do you not know her?”

Yifan nods, “She’s Sungkyu’s fiancée.”

Minseok squeezes his eyes shut and slaps his hand on the wall. He crosses his arms, leaning against the wall and tucks his head on it, groaning, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Yifan is getting more confused as the seconds go by and he taps Minseok’s shoulder and asks, “What the fuck is going on?”

Minseok looks up and straightens up, “Two nights ago, Zhoumi and Dasom got into a scuffle and she got pushed onto a glass table. She died Yifan and I had to hide her body.”

Yifan’s widens his eyes as he realises, “So, what now?”

“Sungkyu is trying to find Junmyeon and it won’t take him long…”

Yifan’s voice trembles, “He will come here, because he is thinking Junmyeon did this, to get back at him for what happened at the party?” Minseok nods and Yifan groans, putting his hands on his hips. “What do you plan to do now then?”

Minseok frowns, “Does Sungkyu know where you live?”

“No.”

“Cool, we are taking him there.”

Minseok is about to return to the room when Yifan halts him by grabbing his elbow, “Is that okay? It is on the other side of the river and Seunghyun knows where I stay.”

Minseok grins, “Seunghyun and his minions are not focused on your area anymore, especially after what his kids did to Junmyeon. They won’t bother us, but it won’t take Sungkyu much time to find out every property Junmyeon owns.”

Yifan nods and they return to the hospital room. Minseok tells Junmyeon everything that he told Yifan and Junmyeon grudgingly agrees, not before sending the deathliest glare at Minseok. Eunyon helps him pack his things and within minutes they are speeding across the Han and towards Yifan’s apartment.

Yifan surrenders his bed and Junmyeon looks at him, about to protest but Yifan’s glare shuts him up. Minseok hangs about for some time, busy texting and calling people; Eunyon leaves after an hour or so. Yifan wonders if he should make Minseok some dinner as well or not since Minseok is now pacing a trench into his balcony’s tiled floor as he talks in some rapid Korean over the phone with someone. Yifan sets on making three servings anyway.

The smell of meat and vegetables frying brings Minseok walking into the kitchen to find Yifan cooking. Minseok pockets his phone and realises he does feel hungry. He clears his throat and asks, “What are you making?”

“Oh, just some stir fried veggies and beef,” Yifan answers as he sprinkles something in the pan. “I am making you some food too, don’t argue.”

Minseok shuts his mouth, he _was_ about to refuse, but the food does smell good and his stomach would complain if he didn’t eat anytime soon. He nods and goes to check on Junmyeon, who is napping. He calls for Yifan, “Hey do you wanna wake him up yet?”

Yifan answers, “No, this will take fifteen more minutes, let him sleep.”

As said, Yifan is done in the specified time and Minseok is tasked to get Junmyeon as Yifan plates the food. Junmyeon sits down to eat at the kitchen counter and he is smiling when he realises the oddity of the whole situation. Minseok has already stated stuffing himself, and after he swallows, he grunts, “You can actually cook.”

Yifan narrows his eyes at Minseok, but it fails to be intimidating, not when his cheeks are puffed out, filled with food. Junmyeon starts laughing and both men turn to look at him. Junmyeon stops when it starts to hurt and Yifan grumbles, “Be careful Myeon.”

Junmyeon feels his face heating up and he focuses on eating instead of the nickname Yifan used. He smiles a little as he chews his food. He has to agree with Minseok on that, Yifan is a good cook. He glances at Yifan and finds the other man scooping some more rice for Minseok who had silently extended his bowl at him. It almost has Junmyeon laughing again because Yifan seems unwilling and Minseok looks like he bit into a lime as he asks for seconds.

The atmosphere is entirely too domestic and Junmyeon muses how nice it would have been if life was different and he was only sitting down for dinner with his lover and his best friend. But no, he is currently hiding out in former lover’s apartment and his best friend is here to protect him from a possible abduction. Thus, the smile on his face dims and he puts his chopsticks down, his appetite suddenly gone.

Yifan sees Junmyeon get to his feet and finds the latter hasn’t even finish his food. He asks, “Everything okay?”

Junmyeon shakes his head. “I feel tired, I will go sleep now, I think.”

“Okay,” Yifan nods. “Take a painkiller if it gets too much.” Junmyeon nods and shuffles away.

Junmyeon returns to Yifan’s bedroom and he lies down on his back as his eyes well up. The small fantasy at the table makes him ache, makes his heart pine for something he _knows_ he can never have. He has power, he has money and all the influence on earth, but he can’t have the life he wants to live with Yifan now, can he? Why couldn’t he have a normal life? Why can’t he keep Yifan? He hates this, and himself, and wishes to go turn back in time and never leave Yongsan.

_“Yifan?” Junmyeon says, trying to get the attention of the tall boy beside him busy transferring succulents from the tray to the soil. Yifan does hear him and hums in response, letting Junmyeon know he is listening. Junmyeon takes a deep breath and says, “It’d be nice if I could stay here in Yongsan forever.”_

_Yifan looks up from his task; he is squatting on the ground and Junmyeon is sitting on the bench at some distance. Junmyeon’s cheeks are flushed red in embarrassment and his gaze is lowered to the ground, fingers twisting in his lap. Yifan stands up and removes his gloves as he smiles, “Stay here with me then?”_

_Junmyeon gasps and looks up, his eyes wide and his heart thudding painfully hard in his chest. Yifan would want him to stay? It is sort of unbelievable, but Junmyeon wants to believe, and his eyes well up instead, his heart hurting at the reverence in Yifan’s eyes. He looks away, unable to take it._

_Yifan hurries over to him when he sees Junmyeon’s eyes glisten. Junmyeon feels warm fingers cup his face and tilting his head up. Yifan says, “I will never leave your side Junmyeon, whether you stay here or go anywhere else. But if Yongsan is where you want to find your home, then no one would be happier than me, trust me.” Then he gently presses his lips against Junmyeon’s and the latter sighs, closing his eyes. Yifan always kisses him like he is the most precious thing to him and somehow Junmyeon instinctively knows that with this tall, slightly awkward teenager, he will always be safe._

Junmyeon remembers that summer day only too well and he bites down his lips as he recalls how much he wanted to stay. He had already planned it in his head; he would ask Eunyon to arrange him a place and Yifan could go study medicine in the university a town over. Junmyeon would find a job that wouldn’t require a college degree and Yifan would come back home any time he could. In his head, he had envisioned the life he wanted and some days, it had given him the will to go on.

But like everything else, at the end, it was all for nothing.

 

Sungkyu takes his anger out on one of the men by punching him across the face. Seungcheol and Seunghyun grimace as Sungkyu shouts, “What do you mean you cannot find him anywhere?”

Another man comes forward, visibly shaking as he says, “Really boss, Kim Junmyeon is nowhere to be found. We don’t know where he went.”

Sungkyu is about to hit this guy as well when Seunghyun steps forward and grabs his arm. Sungkyu turns to glare at him, his teeth bared as he growls, “Seunghyun!”

Seunghyun smirks and shakes his head slowly. “Now, now Sungkyu. If you can’t find Junmyeon, I have the next best idea.” Then, he turns to look at Seungcheol, “Get these idiots out of here and get some men to head over to this address,” he shows the younger man a text on his phone and Seungcheol nods. “I will text it to you. Don’t barge in and wait if you have to. Our pawn must not be rushed.”

Seungcheol leaves with the two guys and Sungkyu snatches his arm away from Seunghyun’s grip with a curse. He steps back and asks, “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Seunghyun smirks again and lights a cigarette up first. He takes a long drag and his eyes lose their usual mocking gleam as he says, “If we can’t get our hands on Junmyeon, we will have to grab the next best thing.”

“And that is?”

“Why, the doctor of course.”


	18. Stronger Than That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some torture ahead! ^^

The night passes without much incident; Minseok and Yifan stayed in the living room with Yifan on the floor since Minseok argued that he would definitely fit on the sofa better. Yifan scowled, wondered if he can throw Minseok out of his house but relented anyway. He had fallen asleep on the sofa once and woke up with some serious pain in his back, so he borrows an extra mattress from his neighbour and makes his bed on it.

Minseok is the first to wake up and he walks into the kitchen, looking for some coffee. After going through all the drawers and cupboards, he finds none. However, with all the noise he made, it wakes Yifan up and he stumbles into the kitchen with a massive scowl on his face, “What are you doing?”

Minseok grumbles, “Coffee, who doesn’t keep coffee in their place?”

Yifan crosses his arms and yawns, “I don’t drink caffeine.”

Minseok frowns, crossing his arms as well. He yawns back, “You are so annoying.”

“Tit for tat Xiumin-sshi,” Yifan shoots back. He grumbles some choice Mandarin swear words under his breath and grabs his keys and wallet from the foyer. “Stay here, I will buy some coffee. There’s a small café nearby.”

“I want an Americano! With three espresso shots!” 

Yifan shakes his head at the order, he is pulling his shoes on as he says, “That’s too much caffeine. Even one shot is bad, you will get sick.”

Minseok clicks his tongue and walks over to stand near the door, “Don’t doctor me right now, I need coffee.”

Yifan rolls his eyes, “Fine. God.” He is about to open the door when he turns back around and asks, “Does Junmyeon need anything?”

“No, he isn’t much of a coffee person either,” Minseok yawns again, rubbing his eyes, “Both of you are disgusting.”

Yifan can’t help but smile at that. As he leaves the apartment and walks down the stairs, he is reminded of a certain memory.

_Junmyeon takes a large sniff when he enters the newly opened coffee shop a few blocks from the hotel. “The place smells nice.”_

_Yifan shrugs, “I suppose so.”_

_Junmyeon tilts his head and loops his arms through Yifan’s elbow. It is getting cooler in Yongsan and Yifan finally cut his hair and it makes him look more charming, more handsome than usual. Junmyeon smiles up at him and asks, “You don’t like this place?”_

_Yifan pouts as he looks around the café and its mint green walls. The dark wood and the smell of roasting coffee beans and freshly baked cakes do provide a warm feel, but Yifan isn’t impressed. Unlike his peers, he never got into coffee—he thinks it is okay, nothing to be so crazy about. He says, “No, it’s pretty. I am not into coffee.”_

_Junmyeon chuckles, and Yifan turns his head to look at him. Junmyeon looks a lot healthier in the few months he has been here. His cheeks have filled out a bit and the cold weather has given them a permanent pink flush. His hair is getting longer as well and it covers his eyebrows completely. In short, Junmyeon looks soft and loveable and Yifan’s heart clenches with affection. Junmyeon says, his eyes crinkled in amusement, “Then, why are we here?”_

_Yifan pouts, “I don’t know? I thought you like coffee?”_

_Junmyeon shakes his head, “I don’t care for it much.”_

_Yifan heaves a sigh of relief at that. He pries Junmyeon’s fingers off his elbow and entwines his fingers through Junmyeon’s and swings their joined hands as he grins down at him, “Good. I hope they have hot chocolate though.”_

Lost in his thoughts, Yifan realises he has gotten close to the shop. He turns a corner and finds a woman wiping the glass front. He doesn’t register the name as he steps inside and the woman greets him, “Good morning, welcome to Terminal, what can we do for you?”

“Ah,” Yifan repeats Minseok’s order, and his eyes land on the fresh bakes behind the glass counter, “And three of those blueberry croissants as well, please.”

The woman smiles as she gets about making his order. Yifan takes a moment to look around at the café and he breaks into a small smile when he notes the furniture in the café are done up in pastel shades of pink, mint and yellow. It reminds him of the café in his memories with Junmyeon. The woman returns a few minutes later with his order and he wishes her a good day as he leaves.

Yifan is walking back to the apartment, about to turn the corner when he feels something hard hit his head. Pain radiates all over his head, his ears ring and he groans; the coffee and pastry falling to the pavement as both his hands rise to clap over his ears. The lid of the hot coffee bursts open and the dark liquid flows into the crevices, some of it seeping into the paper bag of food. His vision is slowly blurring out but he can see three or more men converging on him. One of them presses something against his nose and Yifan recognises the scent of chloroform before he finally loses consciousness.

 

Junmyeon wakes up from a rather strange dream filled with hazy sunshine, bright red roses and something warm engulfing him. He sits up and blinks, trying to remember where he is. Right, Yifan’s apartment again. He gets up from the bed and strolls into the kitchen where he finds Minseok pouting at the stove and tapping his fingers on the counter. He asks, “What are you upto?”

Minseok looks at him, the frown deepening on his face. “Yifan went out to buy me coffee and it has been an hour, almost.”

Junmyeon rubs his eyes as he says, “Maybe, it is far?”

Minseok shakes his head. “It’s not. I checked it on my phone. He should have been here in thirty minutes or so.” He crosses his arms, shaking his head. “I even went to check and didn’t find him anywhere.”

Junmyeon sits down on a chair and muses out loud, fear gripping him, “You don’t think…”

Minseok shakes his head again, his expression grim as he says, “I am waiting for confirmation.”

As soon as he says that, his phone rings with a notification. Minseok picks it up and as he reads the message, his eyes widen and his grip on the phone tightens. Junmyeon is keeping a close look at him, so he asks, “What is it?”

“They have him,” Minseok says, “Someone kidnapped Yifan, Junmyeon…”

 

Yifan is forced to consciousness by something wet and cold hitting his face. He opens his eyes and realises it is water, the liquid dripping down his face and into his clothes. He blinks his eyes open and he is confused at first, his mind a bit fuzzy and wondering wasn’t he just at home? Then, the pain hit. Starting from the back of his head to his forehead. He squeezes his eyes shut and groans. He tries to move and he realises his hands and feet are tied with rope to a chair.

He opens his eyes again and tries to understand where he is. Looks like someone’s basement—there are no windows and Yifan spots a flight of stairs going up. He looks around and finds boxes piled high at one corner and a rack filled with rusted metallic equipment he cannot recognise. The walls are discoloured, there is damp in some places and the room smells musty and feels like no one had stepped here in days, or even months perhaps.

Yifan tries to understand how he came to be here and why. It is clear to him that he has been abducted, but the question is why and by whom. He hears the door open and his questions are answered when Seunghyun steps down the stairs, followed by two men. Yifan frowns up at him, “What the fuck is going on?”

Seunghyun smirks down at him and pulls out a packet of cigarettes from his jacket. He lights one up and says, “Sungkyu thinks we can use you as a bait to lure Junmyeon out, but I have other plans.”

“Bait? Plans?” Yifan struggles against his bindings. The chair scratches against the tiled floor and the sound makes him wince. “What do you mean?”

Seunghyun comes closer and bends his knees. “Now, I know you are flaking doctor Li. Do you really wish to cause Junmyeon harm? I don’t think so.”

Yifan gnashes his teeth despite the sudden fear gripping him. He doesn’t say anything but keeps glaring at Seunghyun, who chuckles, “I know there is something that I am missing. The way you tried to rush to Junmyeon’s help that night was enlightening.”

Yifan takes a deep breath and asks, “What do you want?”

“The truth, Yifan.” Seunghyun’s smile drops. “Whose side are you on?”

“You know the answer to that question.” Yifan replies, trying to keep a straight face and not let his voice waver even though his heart is racing and he is half afraid they will see through his bluff.

Seunghyun doesn’t look pleased with Yifan’s answer. He looks back at one of the men he brought with himself and nods his head. The guy comes forward and fisting his hand, punches Yifan right across his face.

Yifan’s head snaps back at the force and he groans as he feels the pain blooming on his eye and cheekbone on one side of his face. He can hardly brace himself when the fist lands on his face again. This time, Yifan’s teeth clamp down on his tongue and blood fills his mouth. He pants, blood and saliva dripping down his chin. But his resolve strengthens; he will not open his mouth.

Perhaps, Seunghyun realises Yifan doesn’t wish to speak. He snaps his fingers and two more men rush down the stairs with briefcases in their hands. Then, Seunghyun smirks, “Since you won’t talk, I was hoping I could make you sing instead.”

 

Yifan’s small apartment has suddenly transformed into a makeshift office. Junmyeon and Minseok had called on every available personnel to help find Yifan. Jeonghan and Chan are looking into every property Sungkyu owns, partially or completely. Chanyeol and Jimin are using all their street informers to look around Gangbok. Junmyeon, meanwhile, is curled on the sofa trying to not hyperventilate.

If Sungkyu took Yifan, there is no saying what he would do to him. Yifan was already playing a dangerous game. If anything happens to Yifan, Junmyeon will never forgive himself. He feels someone sitting down beside him and he finds it to be Lalisa. She reaches for his hand and places a cup of tea in his hand with a small smile, “Don’t worry boss, we will find him.”

Minseok enters the room through the main door and he walks over to Jeonghan. He had been walking to and fro between the apartment and the coffee shop, looking for any clue. He puts a hand on his shoulder and says, “Hey, look into any property that Seunghyun owns as well. I know we destroyed a lot of them, but he may still have some remaining.” Then, he turns to Chan and asks, “Can you hack into the cameras on the locality here?” When Chan nods, Minseok continues, “Look for any camera in and around this café called Terminal.”

Chan gets to his task. Meanwhile, Jeonghan cries in victory, “Hyung! Seunghyun does own a couple of properties in Gangbok but none of them seem like places you can stash a whole human in.”

Minseok groans, but then Chanyeol says, “Hey, Peng from the lower street gang just called me and he says Seunghyun is one of the hidden owners of this rundown garage; that could be a place, right?”

Everyone in the room looks up at Chanyeol and murmurs of excitement resound as they all agree with Chanyeol’s opinion. Jeonghan looks up the address and Minseok immediately gets to work. He orders, “Chanyeol, Jeonghan, Chan—you stay here with Junmyeon. Lalisa and Jimin, you two come with me.”

Jimin nods and gets to his feet. He shares a look with Chanyeol, who comes forward to squeeze Jimin’s hand. Jimin says, “I will get the car ready.”

Lalisa joins Jimin and nods, “I will grab us some weapons from HQ.”

The two leave and Junmyeon slowly gets to his feet, his eyes watering. He feels useless but he knows Minseok won’t let him leave the house. Minseok had told him earlier that under no circumstance will he let Junmyeon go anywhere near Seunghyun or Sungkyu because it will confirm their suspicions, it may even end up harming Yifan. Also, Minseok could tell Junmyeon is emotionally compromised and he would be no good for Yifan.

The room slowly empties out besides Jeonghan, Chan and Chanyeol who are hunched over the kitchen counter, going through cameras. Minseok glances at Junmyeon, who reaches for him. Minseok quickly collects him in his arms and murmurs, “Yifan will be fine, I won’t let anything happen to him.”

Junmyeon sobs, “This is, this is all my fault.”

Minseok rubs Junmyeon’s back and shakes his head. “No, it isn’t. That Seunghyun is a slick bastard, we should have killed him when we had the chance.” Junmyeon shakes his head and pushes himself away. There are tears running down his cheeks and his face is still recovering from the bruises and is flushed so pretty anyway, and Minseok inhales deeply. He doesn’t like sadness on Junmyeon’s face. He cups Junmyeon’s face and whispers, “I will get him back alive, just for you. I would do anything for you.” Then, he plants a gentle kiss on Junmyeon’s temple. He pulls Junmyeon into his embrace again and holds him tight in his arms. Minseok can’t understand why, but he feels ominous, like this may be the last he can hold Junmyeon like this.

Minseok steps back but Junmyeon can’t stop crying and he grabs the front of his shirt. He says, “Please, please, I need Yifan, I—”

Minseok smiles, “I know, I promise I will bring him back.”

Junmyeon finally releases him and Minseok leaves, his heart feeling heavy. He finds Jimin and Lalisa waiting for him on the opposite curb. However, he turns around and fishes his phone out of his pocket. He looks through his phonebook to find a number he recently acquired. Time to collect what he is owed, he supposes.

The call doesn’t last longer than ten minutes and when he is done, he takes a moment to inhale deeply. Then, he walks towards the opposite curb and gets in the car, saying, “Let’s go.”

 

First, they stripped him off his shirt and started with the cold water. It was so frigid that every time it hit Yifan’s skin, it felt like knives were stabbing into his muscles. But then, one of the men brought out the Taser, and even though it was on the lowest charge, repeated usage of it has Yifan blanking out more than once. His entire body burns and pains, and his head feels funny.

When Yifan comes back to consciousness for the fourth time, he is wondering how long it has been. Low charges of electricity can be harmful, can’t they? Even if they spread it over time intervals, Yifan wonders how long will his heart hold up. The doctor in him tells him not long at all. However, since he has been keeping count, he realises this is the longest they had left him alone. He doesn’t exactly know how long, but they had not returned to run electric charge through him again.

The two men tasering him step back and Seunghyun returns, slowly making his way down the stairs. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head, his disapproval clear on his face. Yifan breathes heavily, fearful of what he is thinking. Seunghyun comes to kneel in front of him and Yifan finds it hard to look up, his head starting to feel strangely faint. Seunghyun grabs his neck and snarls, “Looks like you really won’t talk, huh?”

Yifan is released and Seunghyun straightens up. He snaps his fingers and a man comes rushing down the stairs. He hands Seunghyun a box and steps back. Seunghyun strokes the top of the box and smiles, “Haven’t used this in long, long time.”

Yifan closes his eyes and drops his head. He doesn’t want to know; he rather prefer Seunghyun kill him because in no way in hell will he tell him anything. His love for Junmyeon is stronger than that, he has realised that in the time he was here. He hears the box open and he hears Seunghyun step around him and then come to stand behind his back. Then, he hears a cracking sound before something lands on his back, a metal hook sinking for a second into his skin before it is gone. But the pain resonates as his skin burns and Yifan gasps.

Seunghyun chuckles, “Nothing is better for hurting that a cat o nine tail, is there?”

Yifan doesn’t know who the question is meant for, but Yifan doesn’t need to know the answer as the whip lands on his back again. A part of his brain reckons it is not another simple whip since he feels prongs of pain spread all over his back and one small metallic hook catching into his skin, tearing through it as the whip is lifted.

Yifan doesn’t keep count, neither does he can if he tried as the pain fills his entire being and he can feel the blood running down his back. The whips lands and lifts off his back multiple times and each time, the pain exacerbates and leaves him feeling breathless. His teeth clamp down on his lower lip and the skin breaks, filling his mouth with blood. His head lolls forward, the edges of his consciousness blurring out. He knows if he closes his eyes, he will be better.

As he is about to close his eyes and give into unconsciousness, the sound of gunshots jerk him awake. The whipping stops and Seunghyun barks, “Go check what’s happening!”

The three men storm up the stairs and Seunghyun drops the whip on the ground. Seunghyun cuts through the bindings on Yifan’s hand and drags the man to his feet. Yifan cries out in pain as the blood rushes into his legs and the skin on his back breaks some more at the sudden movement. He stumbles but Seunghyun is stronger than he is and he pushes Yifan upright. He presses the knife to Yifan’s side and snarls, “Looks like your lover boy did come for you. So, I was right, huh.”

“Not really, no,” a voice resounds from the top of the stairs and Yifan recognises that voice. He smiles, at least Xiumin cares enough for Junmyeon to come for him.


	19. To Lose, To Gain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: character death and mentions of rape

Lalisa returns to the car after walking around the whole block. She gets inside the car and says, “So, the garage is tucked besides a broken down building and it looks like it hasn’t been used in months but I found the cars they probably used to bring Yifan-sshi here at the back.” She picks up her gun and adds, “I reckon there are about six or so people in total, minus Yifan-sshi.”

“Hmm, okay,” Minseok nods. “Jimin and you going first, shoot everyone. I will follow you and cover you.”

Thus, as planned, Lalisa and Jimin enter the rundown, seemingly abandoned place. The three men smoking and chatting on the top floor are easily eliminated. They don’t even get to take their guns out before Lalisa empties her whole magazine in their bodies. Jimin gets the honour of finishing the other men who run up from a staircase. He misses a shot, but a bullet whizzes past him and he turns around to find Minseok scowling down at the man he shot, and Jimin missed, writhing on the floor. He says, “So, there is a basement.”

He locates the stairs and hurries towards it, just in time to hear Seunghyun say, “Looks like your lover boy did come for you. So, I was right, huh.”

Minseok scoffs, cocking his gun, “Not really, no.” He points the gun at Seunghyun’s head and gets down the stairs. He briefly glances at Yifan and it makes him grimace for a moment. Yifan looks pale and his face is swollen with cuts and bruises; god knows what Seunghyun did to him. Yifan casts a wane look at him, but his eyelids droop and he looks like he rather fall to the floor than stay upright.

Minseok hears the footsteps of Lalisa and Jimin behind him. Minseok makes his way down the stairs, gun still aimed at Seunghyun. He says, “Let him go, Seunghyun.”

“Did Junmyeon send you?” Seunghyun asks, his lips curled into a sneer. “Tell me Minseok, did he?”

Minseok tilts his head to the side and his eyebrows furrow as he says, “Why does it matter to you Seunghyun? Do you have something to say about that?”

Seunghyun shuts up; if he talks anymore, he will be in trouble as well. The detective doesn’t know about Sungkyu and his plans. He doesn’t want to know what Youngbae would do if he knew what the others did behind his back. But, he can’t do anything about this either.

However, he will go down fighting if he has to. The knife he had pressed against Yifan’s side sinks into the flesh, slashing through the upper layer of skin, and Yifan groans in pain. He shouts, “Drop all of your guns or else I will push this knife deep into the doctor!”

Minseok glances at Lalisa and Jimin, nodding his head. The other two don’t look happy but they obey as they put their gun down. Minseok follows suits and reaches for Yifan, who looks half unconscious already. Seunghyun pushes Yifan forward and keeps his knife pointed as he side steps around the three. He says, “Don’t even think about following me.”

Yifan slumps into Minseok’s arms, who is surprised by the dead weight and the cold temperature of his skin. “Your men are dead,” Lalisa spats.

Seunghyun grins, “You think I don’t have more waiting at every corner?”

Jimin’s hand tightens around his gun but Minseok sees it. He quickly sends him a glare that Jimin thankfully sees and releases his grip on his gun. He passes Yifan onto Jimin instead and watches Seunghyun slink away. Minseok feels like it was the wrong thing to let Seunghyun go like that but he knows he has no reason to keep him. If he hurts Seunghyun now, he might as well let everyone know that whatever happened to the two Kims in the last two days is far more serious than it is.

Seunghyun leaves and Minseok grumbles under his breath; he would love to follow him, perhaps get in a punch or two. Maybe Lalisa reads his mind because she curls her fingers around his elbow and shakes her head. Meanwhile, Jimin takes off his jacket and wraps it around Yifan’s shoulder, who slowly awakes and smiles down at Jimin, “Thanks.”

“No problem hyung,” Jimin says as he puts an arm around Yifan and Lalisa comes on the other side to the same. She gets to see the wounds on Yifan’s back and inhales sharply. She puts her hand around his waist and says, “Now, just bear for a few more seconds, the car will be right outside.”

Minseok nods at Yifan and takes the stair first to actually get the car round to the storefront. Yifan doesn’t look like he can stay on his feet for a lot of time. He rushes out of the garage and walks the one block down. He drives the car to the front and he helps Jimin in placing Yifan on the backseat. Minseok asks, “Where is Lisa?”

“Here is Lisa,” the woman says as she steps out of the garage, a big black bag in her hand. Minseok eyes it and she explains with a large grin, “Solid grenades, boss. Would have been a shame if I left it there.”

Minseok grins as he shakes his head. Lalisa’s grin widens as she pats the bag in her hand. Minseok moves forward to take it from her, and that is when he sees the man straggling behind her. Time seems to slow down as the man, his hand bleeding profusely, picks up his gun with his good hand and points it at Lalisa’s back. Minseok shoves her aside as the man pulls the trigger and he gasps as the bullet pierces through his jacket and embeds into his chest. Strangely, his breath stutters and he stumbles forward. He hears another gunshot and the man falls to the ground as well.

Minseok finds it getting more and more difficult to breathe. The blood seeps out, and he feels someone pulling him and putting him inside the car. He feels arms come to rest around him and a hand on his chest. He hears a deep, broken voice say, “Shit, shit.” The car starts and Lalisa screams, “What is it? What is it?”

Yifan has assessed the damage even though he can hardly keep his eyes opened. He slowly says, “The bullet hit bone, his heart has been impaled with bone fragments. He is bleeding internally, a lot Lisa. I am afraid,” Yifan sucks in a deep breath, “He won’t live.”

Jimin curses as he hits the steering wheel and Lalisa breaks down into sobs. She turns around and moves to cup Minseok’s face. Minseok is still conscious, though he can tell he doesn’t have long. It is getting so much more difficult to breathe and his heads feel so much lighter too. He reaches towards Lalisa and moves his lips and no sound comes out. Lalisa cries, “Stop the car Jimin, just stop the car, please.”

Jimin listens and Yifan tries his best to shift Minseok upright. Lalisa sits down on his left and pulls Minseok in her arms. Minseok looks up, his eyelids feeling heavier by the second as he smiles and says, his voice weak and raspy, “Hey, I am happy we went on that date you know.”

Lalisa laughs, the hysteria seeping into her as she watches Minseok smile at her and she wants to say so many things but her tongue gets tied up. Minseok then looks at Yifan and says, “Tell him I loved him, will you?”

Yifan feels his eyes welling up but he nods. He clasps Minseok’s hand and nods again. Minseok coughs all of a sudden and blood spills from his lips. He takes one deep breath before even that breath stutters and he closes his eyes one last time.

Yifan claps a hand over his mouth and silently weeps. Jimin gets down from the car and kicks the wheel. But nothing compares to the way Lalisa starts crying. Her cry pierces through the empty lane and startles a bird, who yelps as it flies away. The heartbreak in Lalisa’s cry hits Jimin and Yifan alike in their hearts and they say mum, unable to comfort her. She pulls Minseok deeper into her arms and her entire body shakes as she weeps for the man she could have fallen in love with, could have had a life with, could have something normal with.

 

The journey back to Yifan’s house is silent but punctuated with Lalisa’s sniffing every now and then. Yifan slips in and out of consciousness as Jimin drives them back. They get to Yifan’s street and Jimin quickly calls Chanyeol down. Chanyeol takes one look at the backseat and curses under his breath. Jimin pulls Chanyeol in his arms and rubs his back as Chanyeol tucks his face into Jimin’s neck and takes deep breaths. Minseok was important to them all; if it wasn’t for him, many of them would have been rotting in jail or dead at the bottom of Han. To lose him is a tremendous shock and no one has yet told Junmyeon anything, who will probably take this harder than most.

Jimin says, “Hyung, Yifan-sshi is hurt, you need to help him first. We can take care of Minseok hyung.”

Chanyeol sighs as he pulls out of Jimin’s embrace. “We have to tell Junmyeon first.” He looks inside and sees how tight Lalisa is still holding onto Minseok and sighs again. The girl was easily closer than most and Chanyeol can’t even tell what she is thinking right now.

“Okay,” Jimin cups Chanyeol’s neck and rises on his toes to place a kiss on Chanyeol’s lips. “You take Yifan upstairs. I will stay here with Lisa.”

Chanyeol nods and gently pulls Yifan out of the car, who wakes up again. He mumbles, “Minseok…”

Chanyeol nods, “I know hyung, now come with me. We need to look at you first.”

Yifan nearly passes out as they make their way to his flat. Jeonghan is pacing by the door and he sees them and runs inside to tell everyone. Junmyeon comes running first and his eyes widen when he sees Yifan’s condition. He steps to the side and he gasps when the jacket slides from Yifan’s back and reveals the bloodied marks on his back. Chan and Jeonghan take over to put Yifan down on the bed and the latter calls for their doctor to come over.

Junmyeon turns to Chanyeol, having collected himself somewhat and asks, “Where are the rest? Are they okay?”

Chanyeol grits his teeth; he cannot lie to Junmyeon, so he gathers himself and says, “Hyung, Jimin and Lisa are okay, but…”

“But?”

“Minseok hyung, he, he is dead.” Chanyeol sighs and rubs his face as he too comes to acknowledge the fact that his beloved hyung is truly gone.

Junmyeon thinks at first that he hears wrong, but then he sees Chanyeol’s expression and he staggers. His lips tremble as he asks, “Where, where is he?”

“In the car, hyung.”

Junmyeon doesn’t listen to anything else as he rushes towards the curb where he finds the car parked. Jimin is standing outside, leaning on the hood. His eyes widen when he finds his boss standing there, breathing heavily, his gaze locked inside the car where Lalisa sits with tears rolling down her cheeks and with Minseok lying in her arms, his eyes closed and his shirt bloodied. Junmyeon inhales and feels his knees give away. His knees make contact with pavement and he screams. And he keeps screaming, not caring the few people who peep out their windows to see what is happening.

 

Yifan wakes up and he can’t tell if it is night or day. The curtains are drawn across the windows and he sees a sliver of light pass through but it doesn’t tell him what time of the day it is. He opens his eyes slowly and realises he is sleeping on his stomach and there is another body pressed close to his. He slowly pushes himself up and the wounds on his back flare up and he moans in pain. The person sleeping beside him jerks awake and helps Yifan sit up and only then, under the one lamp in the room, does the latter realise it is Junmyeon.

And even if the pain is his, it is Junmyeon who looks like hell. His hair is dishevelled, his eyes are red and there are dark circles under them. Junmyeon cups Yifan’s face and smiles at him, though it is sad. He says, “Hey, how are you feeling?”

Yifan reaches back and feels the rough surface of the dressing winding around his torso. He then gingerly touches his face and says, “Huh, contusions on my face and I suppose the wounds on my back are in two directions, the dressing criss-crosses doesn’t it?”

Junmyeon chuckles, “I asked how you were feeling not to diagnose yourself.”

Yifan smiles back, “Can’t help it.”

Junmyeon smiles again, bigger this time even if his eyes fill up with tears. He leans forward, wraps his arms around Yifan’s neck and hugs him. His voice is muffled, pressed against Yifan’s neck as he says, “God, I could have lost you too.”

Yifan then remembers; he gasps and puts his hands on Junmyeon’s waist. “Minseok, what happened?”

Junmyeon pulls back and starts sobbing. “He died Fan, there was no saving him.” He rubs his face and resumes, “I am going to give him a proper burial, and a funeral. He deserves it.”

Yifan cups the back of Junmyeon’s head and nods, “He does. He saved my life.” He swallows as he remembers something, “He said, he told me to tell you that he loved you Myeon.”

Junmyeon gasps and his hand clap over his mouth. His eyes widen and the tears flow more freely now. Now that he thinks about it, Junmyeon realises a lot of things suddenly make sense. The unquestionable loyalty, the hurt in _his_ eyes when Junmyeon would have a meltdown, the unfaltering support, the voice of reason and the protectiveness. He puts his hand down and his lips curve into a small smile as he mumbles, “He did, didn’t he…”

Yifan pulls Junmyeon into his embrace this time and he strokes his back in soothing circles as Junmyeon cries, “He never left my side Yifan, never. I—I don’t know what I am supposed to do without him now.”

Yifan tightens his arms around Junmyeon and presses his nose into his neck. “You are not alone Myeon, you are not.”

Junmyeon cries harder, his tears seeping into Yifan’s t-shirt. “Everyone leaves, first mom, then you had to go, now Minseok…”

Yifan takes a deep breath and then says, “If you want, I won’t leave you again.” Junmyeon gasps as the words Yifan says sinks in. He looks up from Yifan’s chest and the soft, affectionate look in Yifan’s eyes makes Junmyeon slightly breathless. Yifan’s fingers cup the side of his face and his smile is gentle as he says, “I never wanted to leave you, not back then and not right now. I loved you, I still love you, and even if you were to send me away to the remotest island in the world, I would still love you.”

Junmyeon whispers, “Why?” He knew Yifan loved him still but to hear it from him like this makes his heart pound in happiness and ache in sadness all at the same time.

Yifan smile gets broader as he answers, “Because there is only of you for me.”

“Oh, Fan,” Junmyeon sighs as he rubs his face again and his heart stutters. The admission lay thick on his tongue, wanting to spill out. Something inside him holds it back, but as Yifan keeps looking at him the same way he did all those years ago, it unravels, his restrain mostly. After all, Yifan and his love for him has kept him alive for so long in a way. Thus, Junmyeon smiles even though his eyes water all over again as he says, “There is only one of you for me too.” He pulls Yifan down and presses his forehead against his as he whispers, “I love you.”

Yifan’s breath staggers; this is the first time since that fire that Junmyeon had said those three words to him. Yifan quite forgets what to say and he gapes a little, totally astonished. Junmyeon grins a little as he leans in, his lips inches from Yifan’s, and the latter finally returns to his senses as he meets Junmyeon halfway.

Soft, Junmyeon’s lips are so soft under his, Yifan can’t help but sigh into the kiss. But this kiss is different than the other kisses they had shared till he came back. It is gentle but eager, sweet but needy. Yifan licked his way into Junmyeon’s mouth and Junmyeon parted his lips oh-so easily, sucking on Yifan’s lower lip before doing so. There is need thrumming in their veins and their hands do not quite know how to find purchase—Yifan’s arms are tight around Junmyeon’s waist and Junmyeon’s finger sink into Yifan’s thick, dark hair. They push their bodies closer and closer till Junmyeon is sitting in between Yifan’s legs, their chests pressed, the thud of their hearts beating echoed against the others.

Junmyeon breaks the kiss when his head feels light but Yifan doesn’t relent—his mouth moves down Junmyeon’s chin and his neck, his teeth scraping over Junmyeon’s Adams’ apple. Junmyeon whimpers when Yifan nips along his jaw, “Oh, Fan, oh my god…”

Junmyeon tugs at Yifan’s hair when the latter bites down into his skin, his mouth hot and wet against his skin, making him shiver. It feels so good and Junmyeon wants to weep. He feels the scalding heat of Yifan’s hands on his waist through the cotton of his shirt and he wishes he could feel it on his bare skin. However, the thought of baring himself to Yifan like that suddenly scares him even if he wants it so desperately. He pushes Yifan off himself and pants, wondering if Yifan would even want him that way.

Yifan feels Junmyeon shoving him and he relents, letting go. He sees Junmyeon panting, his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed. He bites his lip as he realises. He presses his forehead against Junmyeon’s and mumbles, “I am sorry, did I go too far?”

Junmyeon shakes his head. “It’s not you, it’s not.”

Yifan cups Junmyeon’s face and his thumb rubs circles over his cheekbone in circles. “I am sorry even then. I know you have limits, and I—”

Junmyeon presses his lips against Yifan’s to shut him up. He smiles, “No, I have been trying to get over that for years now. He took my body from me and it took me a long time to understand that my body is mine and it is up to me to decide that for myself.” He gulps, shuts his eyes as he tries not to think about the afternoons of his days at his father’s house. “I killed him, and I won’t lie and say that it didn’t feel like the right thing to do.”

Yifan sighs as he pulls Junmyeon into his embrace again. “He deserved his death for hurting you.” He takes a moment before saying, “I, I cannot imagine, and I know whatever I will say will never be enough.”

Junmyeon sighs as he feels himself melting into the warmth that is uniquely Yifan. He says, “That’s okay. This is my personal battle Fan.”

“But you don’t have to go at it alone.”

Junmyeon smiles as he leans his head back to look at the love of his life. Sometimes, Junmyeon thinks if the sun and all the good things in the world could be bottled or personified, it will be Yifan and his gentle gaze. He _feels_ loved and safe, so he says, “I know, and thank you.”

No other words are spoken as Yifan yawns and Junmyeon pushes him down on the bed. Junmyeon makes a move to leave but Yifan sends him a small pout, unsure if he can request the other to stay. But Junmyeon stays; he lies down on the narrow bed and pulls Yifan into his arms. Yifan smiles as he tucks his face into Junmyeon’s neck and throws one arm around his waist. Junmyeon doesn’t fall asleep as fast as Yifan does though. He stays awake for some time, running his fingers through Yifan’s hair as he watches the other sleep.

He has suffered a loss but he also ended with a gain. He knows he hasn’t answered Yifan’s question to stay but deep in his heart, he knows the answer to that. He doesn’t want Yifan to leave again, and he doesn’t want to push Yifan away either this time. Maybe, after all of this is over, Junmyeon can have what he always wanted—a life with Yifan.


	20. 'But still, stay, stay with me'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title taken from 'Stay' by Blackpink

_“You know,” Minseok says, white smoke curling out of his nostrils, “You can do this.”_

_Junmyeon pulls the blanket around his shoulders and still shivers. “Me? I am one person Minseok. I only wanted to kill my father and brother, and I did it. I am not looking to take over an empire.”_

_Minseok smirks, “But why stop at just that? You can do so much more, and if Kyungsoo sides with you, there will be no stopping you.”_

_Junmyeon reaches forward, and Minseok gets his silent request and hands him the cigarette. Junmyeon takes a deep inhale and smiles, “But, do I have what it takes to be a crime lord? It is more or less like running a proper business, isn’t it? Just slightly on the illegal side.”_

_Minseok takes back the cigarette and laughs, “Hey, you do have your dad’s blood in you! You may become Seoul’s next top crime lord if you tried!”_

_Junmyeon laughs back, tucking his head on his chest as he remembers the night he put the whole Lee mansion on fire. “I suppose so.” The other memory of a young boy with dark hair and a gummy smile resurfaces and Junmyeon has to swallow and look away to push that memory away into the deep recesses of his mind._

_Minseok puts out the cigarette on the cement ledge and smirks, “You have me Junmyeon, I will be here, and I will help you take everything they didn’t allow you to have. Together, we can end those sons of bitches and take this city for ourselves.”_

Junmyeon jerks awake from the dream he was having. He remembers that night; he and Minseok were holed up in one of Kyungsoo’s many buildings in construction. The apartment they were in had one window missing and it became the place for them to smoke and hang out despite the sharp, cold winds blowing every night. They had spent nights building up plans on how to eliminate his father’s old associates and slowly take over the Lee faction. Junmyeon wouldn’t have been able to come this far without Minseok and now, he will have him by him no more.

Yifan is still asleep, his arm thrown over Junmyeon’s waist. He looks towards the window and realises the sun is up. So, a day has passed since Minseok’s death. His best friend.

Junmyeon sighs and then his stomach grumbles. He did skip dinner last night, so he gently removes Yifan’s hand and sits up. Yifan stirs a little but Junmyeon coaxes him back to sleep by running his fingers through his hair. Yifan quiets down and Junmyeon smiles, his heart swelling with love. He used to think if he were to bare his heart like this, he would be hurt. But it isn’t so, he feels lighter, perhaps a bit better.

Junmyeon pads into the kitchen and finds Chan and Jimin spread out in the living room, one on the couch and the other on the floor. Junmyeon sighs deeply, a relief spreading through him. He isn’t alone, not really. 

He is about to crack some eggs when he hears footsteps. Long arms wind around his torso and he smiles when he feels lips pressing into his temple. “Good morning,” a deep voice greets Junmyeon.

Junmyeon turns his head around a bit and smiles up at Yifan, who is still trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes, “Good morning. You shouldn’t be up, does your back hurt?”

“No, I am fine,” Yifan reassures. “What are you doing?”

“Breakfast,” Junmyeon answers as he cracks a couple of eggs, “I can cook, you know.”

“Wasn’t asking,” Yifan chuckles as he removes his hands. He helps Junmyeon by clearing the broken eggshells.

Junmyeon fries eggs as Yifan gets the rice and tea going. As they bustle around the kitchen, Junmyeon can’t help but smile at the shared silence they share and the odd comfort that surrounds them. Suddenly, Junmyeon finds himself making a wish. He doesn’t say it out loud, not to Yifan at least, who is adding the tea leaves to the tea pot.

The sunlight falls on them, the dust particles dance underneath the naked eye as Yifan measures the amount of tea leaves per person. Junmyeon feels warm and happy, and in an odd way, full. He moves closer to Yifan. He turns the stove off and puts a hand on Yifan’s shoulder, who looks up in askance but doesn’t get to open his mouth before Junmyeon tucks himself under Yifan’s chin and throws his hands around the taller man’s waist. Junmyeon smiles into Yifan’s chest, “Can’t believe I can do this anytime I want.”

Yifan chuckles but he wraps his hands around Junmyeon too. “I can’t believe I can do this either.”

Junmyeon laughs but they separate when they hear shuffling noises and the look up to find Chan and Jimin walking up to them. Jimin’s eyes are swollen with sleep but he cracks one eyelid and says, “Morning boss.”

“Morning guys,” Junmyeon says as he detangles himself from Yifan’s embrace. “You guys want tea?”

Yifan shrugs, “I am sorry, I don’t keep coffee in the house.”

Chan shakes his head, making grabby hands for the pot, “Anything will do, I am hungry!”

The four of them sit down for breakfast and Yifan seems right at home with Chan and Jimin as they converse. The guys ask about Yifan’s job in Enping and soon Yifan has them enthralled with his stories about his geriatric patients. Junmyeon watches in silence and he makes his wish again, hoping that maybe one day it does get true.

 

Seunghyun and Sungkyu both get their summons at the same time, and coincidentally, end up at the meeting place at the same time too. Youngbae is smoking his second cigarette when the two men walk up to him. It is another condemned property by the river. Youngbae looks frantic and slightly angry perhaps. Seunghyun grabs Sungkyu before they can reach Youngbae and he hisses, “Don’t tell him about Yifan’s kidnapping. He doesn’t need to know.”

Sungkyu looks like he wishes to disagree but he nods his head instead. They stand to gain by collaborating with Youngbae too. The shipment arrives in Incheon soon and Sungkyu will be damned if he lets go of that. Even if the need for revenge burns hot in his veins, he knows he cannot get on the wrong side of Youngbae right now.

They catch up to Youngbae and the first thing the detective asks is, “What have you all been up to? I have been hearing things.”

Seunghyun scoffs, “Sungkyu and Junmyeon got into a fight. And it turned pretty nasty.”

Youngbae shakes his head. “Why did you even do that?”

Sungkyu fists his hands, “I didn’t meant to, not really.”

“You meant to, what were you? Drunk?”

Seunghyun laughs, “Drunk as hell he was! But the punch?” He mimics a fighting stance and punches the air, “The punch was great! He broke Junmyeon’s nose!”

Youngbae groans, slapping his head. He looks up at the sky and takes a deep breath. “How many times did I say we are not to meddle with Junmyeon till the time comes?” he looks down again and frowns, “Where is Yifan by the way?”

Sungkyu takes a deep breath and looks at Seunghyun, who already has a story ready, “He got into an accident. Well, you see the fight broke out and Yifan tried to step in, play white knight again and he got punched by one of Sungkyu’s men too.”

Sungkyu shrugs, “He thought it made him look good in front of Junmyeon, and I suppose it did. Whatever it takes for him to get closer.”

Youngbae crosses his arms and keeps frowning, his brain whirring. He has been wondering if he has been using Yifan all wrong this time. He puts the cigarette back on his lips and takes a deep drag in. The paper burns to the filter and he can feel the heat on his fingers. He drops it to the ground and says, “Anyway, the recording device in Junmyeon’s office hasn’t picked up anything substantial yet. Is he not coming to the office anymore?”

Seunghyun frowns, lighting his own cigarette this time as he says, “I don’t know. I will have my guys look into it.”

Youngbae waves a finger, “And make sure they are discreet. I am still cleaning up after those guys at the university.”

Seunghyun grins as he raises his hands up and bows his head, “Sorry, didn’t think college kids these days are so socially aware.”

Sungkyu laughs, “At least with Junmyeon gone in time, you can come play in the big leagues again!”

They share a laugh and back in Sungkyu’s car, Seungcheol hears the whole conversation thanks to the listening device he had slipped in Sungkyu’s pocket. Seungcheol pulls off his earphones and frowns. He pulls his phone out and his fingers hover over the locked contact on his phone. He had made a promise to someone and even if that someone is no longer alive, he thinks the promise stays, especially now. He just wants this all to end so he can go back home.

 

The day is pleasant, cool even. It rained a bit last night but the skies are clear now and the sun is shining brightly. Junmyeon looks up and even sees a few fluffy clouds aimlessly floating about. He smiles—a rather pleasant day for a funeral, he thinks.

Junmyeon doesn’t have a burial spot saved in some cemetery and he would go nowhere near the Lee compound, so this nondescript Buddhist burial ground had to do. And as Junmyeon looks around, the small temple and the clean grounds, he thinks this is a good place as any. There aren’t many of them since Junmyeon didn’t want any fake sympathies coming his way. In attendance there is him, Yifan, Jimin, Chanyeol, Chan, Jeonghan and lastly, Lalisa. The temple caretaker and crematorium manager are here too and that’s it.

Lalisa is dressed in black and seeing her without her trademark grin is kind of strange. Junmyeon is heartbroken as well but Lalisa wears it like a shroud around herself. Junmyeon knows she is broken and maybe she will never fix herself. He doesn’t know how he will manage as well, but he walks up to her anyway and wraps a hand around her shoulder. Lalisa slumps and puts her head on his shoulder. She murmurs, “He loved you, you know boss. And I think I could have loved him.”

Junmyeon says, “I am sure he thought the same.”

Lalisa chuckles as her eyes well up. “I think he did. The last date we went to was at a KFC and this dude was about to kick us out, but the way he looked at me that night, I will never forget.”

Junmyeon swallows the lump growing in his throat. He kisses her on her temple and says, “You never forget that Lisa, you better never forget.”

The manager gestures at them and they make their way towards the furnace. Minseok lies in the open casket, and with his eyes closed, he looks like he is only sleeping. Junmyeon goes first; he cups his best friend’s face and leans down, kissing his forehead. Lalisa follows next and she too kisses Minseok one last time. The others don’t get too close but Jimin can be heard sniffling. The manager and an employee close the casket and push it down the gurney.

The doors to the furnace opens and when Junmyeon sees the orange flames licking the sides, he feels his knees tremble. Before he can fall to the floor, he feels arms wrap around his waist and turn him around. Judging the scent of tea and mild cologne, Junmyeon knows the chest he has his face pressed to belongs to Yifan. He starts sobbing---he hears the doors to the furnace closing with a clang and Junmyeon cries and cries till he no longer can.

Minseok, his best friend, his right-hand, his confidante. He loved him, not in the way Minseok loved him, but he did. Junmyeon knows he would have never made this far without Minseok. He wouldn’t have been able to keep Yifan alive without him either. The house, the office, the life he has—all of it would be impossible without Minseok. The darkness that lies dormant in him, no one knew it better than Minseok did. Suddenly, Junmyeon feels off-centre and scared. He will live without Minseok but can he survive?

Junmyeon doesn’t know when everyone leaves, he doesn’t know when the entire place gets empty besides him and Yifan. He looks up, his tears finally running dry. Yifan cups his face and kisses him on his forehead, on the dried tear tracks and then finally, a fleeting touch on his lips. Junmyeon murmurs, “He’s really gone now.”

“He is,” Yifan nods, his brows drawn together, “And you have to live, for me, please.”

“Of course I will live,” Junmyeon smiles as he puts his head back on Yifan’s chest again. “I will live for you and me too.”

Yifan hums, “Yes. Just so you know, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

At some distance, where the families wait for the remains of their loved ones, Jimin and Lalisa sit down and watch a family mourn for their matriarch. Lalisa crosses her arms and asks, “Why aren’t we doing anything?”

Jimin sighs and shakes his head. “I don’t know Lisa. I asked Chanyeol the same thing and he told me to wait, and for what, he wouldn’t say.”

Lalisa looks for Chanyeol, who he finds smoking in the grounds, flanked by Jeonghan and Chan. She wonders what Chanyeol knows exactly. Truth to be told, she would love to go shoot all the people responsible for Minseok’s death. That detective, Gangbok Kim and that slimy asshole Seunghyun. The only thing stopping her is the fact that she doesn’t want to disobey, or hurt, Junmyeon in any way.

Lalisa suddenly gets to her feet and announces, “I can’t stay here. I am going home to get drunk.”

Jimin grabs her hand and shakes his head, getting to his feet as well. “I will come with you. This place is making me upset too.”

Lalisa smiles; she knows they all care for her and it warms her heart. She nods and Jimin follows her to the car. While walking to her car, she finds Junmyeon and Yifan sitting on the stairs leading to the crematorium, their heads against one another and she feels the tiniest bit envious. Minseok and she never got to experience that—a sort of intimacy that she doesn’t even know she could crave before meeting that man. Her old man.

She feels the tears burning behind her eyelids and she hands the keys to her car to Jimin and says, “You drive, okay?” Jimin understands and takes the keys. He sends a message to Chanyeol too.

An hour later, an employee hands Junmyeon the urn with Minseok’s remains and Junmyeon stands there for some time, marvelling how an entire human can just fit into a ceramic jar like that. Junmyeon had already bought a space in the columbarium and he carries the urn there. He is followed by the others and he gently places the urn in the designated place. Since they are all supposed to put something in remembrance of the dead, Junmyeon puts down the first photograph they ever took together. He smiles when he sees the picture; they were only teenagers and Junmyeon isn’t smiling while Minseok is all teeth. Chanyeol next joins and he puts down a small, spent bullet. Jeonghan laughs as he puts down a small unicorn plushie and when Chan asks, he says, “When Minseok hyung came to see me in the hospital, he got me this because I had lavender coloured hair then.”

Chan doesn’t have anything special to keep since he was fairly new and Minseok didn’t spend that much time with him though he does feel his loss in his own way, so he stays put but Yifan puts down a small bouquet of daisies and says, “I owe him for saving my life.”

Junmyeon slips his hand into Yifan’s and laces their fingers. He looks about and realises Lalisa’s missing. On asking where she went, Chanyeol shakes his head and says, “She couldn’t do it anymore. Jimin took her home and apparently, she is crying into her bottle of whiskey.”

Junmyeon frowns. “We need to take care of her. Tell Jimin to stay and watch over her, lest she does something stupid.”

“I will tell him.”

They all head back to their homes next and Yifan follows Junmyeon back to the latter’s apartment. Junmyeon doesn’t stay there though; he takes a couple of bags and stuffs it with some clothes and other necessities. He had already decided he will sell this place and look for somewhere else to stay. He cannot share the same space that he used to share with Minseok. Every nook, every cranny would remind him of Minseok and Junmyeon has enough ghosts in his life.

Yifan is helping him pack and Junmyeon spares a moment to look at him and smile. He didn’t tell Yifan but he wants to take the man with him when he goes apartment shopping. He wants a life with Yifan, any semblance of it will do. He is done denying it to himself and he is done running.

Yifan zips a bag and smiles up, “All done!”

Junmyeon smiles back and moves closer to Yifan. He looks back at his bag and chuckles at the mess he made when packing. “You do it so neatly,” he pouts.

Yifan laughs, “You were always sort of messy.” He reaches for the bag Junmyeon was packing and starts folding the clothes properly. “But you got me.”

Junmyeon smiles as he feels a warm, benign sensation burst out of his heart and fill his entire being, starting from his head to his toes. He walks closer to Yifan and throws his arms around Yifan’s torso and puts his head on the other’s back. He asks, “You got me?”

“Always,” Yifan promises as he puts his hands over Junmyeon’s. “I have been telling you that since I came here, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you have,” Junmyeon sighs. Yifan turns around and tucks Junmyeon under his chin. Junmyeon presses his cheek on Yifan’s sternum and he can hear the latter’s heart beat, a soft thud that feels so familiar. He missed it, he craved for it for so long. And now that it is within his reach, he makes up his mind. So, in a soft whisper, he asks, “Will you stay?”

Yifan gasps, “Are you asking me to stay?” He can’t believe it; he really can’t believe that Junmyeon just asked him what he wanted to do the most in the entire world. He puts his hands on Junmyeon’s shoulders and pushes him back a little, just so he can look into the shorter man’s face and determine if this was a joke or not. However, Junmyeon’s gentle gaze, slightly flushed face and small smile convinces Yifan that this is not a joke. He cups Junmyeon’s face and fights the tears the burn behind his eyes as he nods his head slowly, “Of course I will stay.”

Junmyeon breaks out into the widest, brightest grin Yifan had seen on him till now and pushes his head back on his chest again, tightening his arms around him. He says, “I am so happy Fan, I feel so happy after such a long time. I was so, so stupid to not bring you back. I was so afraid you would hate the person I had become that I couldn’t find it in me to face you.”

Yifan kisses the top of Junmyeon’s head and says, “I would never hate you for who you are because I know. I know you had to do what you had to do to survive and it is not easy to survive in the world you live in. I know you could have stayed back with me in Yongsan and we could have had a different life, but if I get another chance Junmyeon, I never want to let you go, no matter what happens.”

Yifan’s words bring the tears to fore and Junmyeon starts crying again, but this time in relief and happiness. Yifan tries to wipe the tears running down Junmyeon’s face but the latter can’t stop and ends up laughing a little. Yifan too laughs with him, his own eyes shining. He kisses Junmyeon, his lips a gentle pressure on Junmyeon’s and it is enough to make the latter melt. When Yifan leans back, Junmyeon says, “I love you so, so, so much. I never stopped in these thirteen years Fan.”

“Neither did I, Junmyeon.”

Their lips meet again and tears mix into their kiss. It tastes like salt but it also tastes like a promise, and love.


	21. Roses After Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title has nothing to do with machinewired fic, I just like it and thought appropriate for this chapter

There is work to be done, even though Junmyeon cannot stop smiling. He fell asleep in Yifan’s arms yesterday and it felt so nice. Junmyeon wants to wake up like that, enveloped with Yifan for the rest of his life. However, he _does_ have work to do and here is he is, back in his office. The absence of Minseok is felt tremendously but Junmyeon knows he cannot help it; it won’t be easy getting used to Minseok’s absence, his support and his Cheshire cat grin.

Chanyeol and Jimin sit opposite him, folders and papers strewn all over his desk. He puts his hand on one manila envelope and asks, “Is this all you have managed?”

Jimin nods, “We have enough to implicate the cop.”

“And what about Sungkyu and Seunghyun?”

Chanyeol shrugs, “That can’t be helped as of now. But I believe they would scurry underground the moment Youngbae is exposed.”

Junmyeon rubs his chin as he nods his head. “That is a possibility all right. I guess, we can take them down when they will be at their weakest.” He looks around the room, watching the sunlight fall through the small window and fall on one spot in the grey carpet. He is not in his office right now. Jeonghan and Chan occupy it right now and are faking a meeting there to dissuade Sungkyu and his men.

Junmyeon leans forward on the desk and steeples his fingers under his chin. He asks, “And what about Incheon?”

Chanyeol taps the desk with his fingers and shakes his head, “They will ambush us there, you know.”

Jimin adds, “You need to allow Yifan back in there. We don’t know much, our contact hasn’t been allowed in the meetings.”

Junmyeon frowns; he doesn’t like the idea at all. Especially, since Seunghyun is the reason why Yifan got hurt and has scars on his back. He doesn’t want Yifan anywhere near them. Maybe, Chanyeol reads his mind because he says, “We will keep a tracker on him, and a listening device. We will also send him with someone discreet. I will not let him get hurt again, hyung, I promise.”

Junmyeon still wants to say no. Fear grips him tight and he takes a few deep breaths, trying to remind himself that he is also the head of this organisation. He has people working for him, he is responsible for them too. He needs to make a decision with his head and not his heart. So, he sighs and says, “Fine. I will tell Yifan.”

Jimin beams, “Cool, now that’s done!” He gets to his feet and grabs his backpack, “I will go check on Lisa now.”

Chanyeol watches his boyfriend go with a small scowl. Junmyeon chuckles as he runs his hand through his hair, “Why are so jealous? He is just looking out for her.”

Chanyeol looks at his boss with a frown and says, “It’s not that. I am worried for Jimin, he was very close to Minseok hyung too. He doesn’t even want to talk about it.”

“Allow him his time Chanyeol,” Junmyeon sighs.

Chanyeol realises his folly and he shuts his eyes as he groans, “Oh fuck, I am sorry.” He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath, “I miss him too.”

Junmyeon puts his hands down flat on the desk and smiles, swallowing the lump forming in his throat each time he thinks or hears Minseok’s name, “We all do.”

“Can I, can I ask you something?” Junmyeon looks up to see Chanyeol looking slightly uncomfortable, shifting in his chair. Junmyeon nods and Chanyeol continues, “About Dr Li, what are you doing with him?”

Junmyeon laughs, “Are you asking or is Kyungsoo asking?”

Chanyeol feels his face heating up at getting caught by his current boss. He shifts in his chair some more and says, “Oh come on, if you know it, fine, just end my misery and answer my question!”

Junmyeon quiets down and looks down on the desk again. “I am not sure Chanyeol.” He sighs and says, “Tell Kyungsoo I asked Yifan to stay with me. Tell him that even if I am not sure where I stand with him now, everyone should know sooner or later that I am not letting him go.”

Chanyeol smiles, his gaze softened. “You know, I always wondered why you kept eyes on the doctor all these years, now I know.”

Junmyeon leans back in his chair and chuckles, “I guess everyone does now. Gangnam Kim does have a weakness…”

Chanyeol scowls, “How soon do you figure others will realise that?”

Junmyeon doesn’t say anything to that---he had been thinking the same for some days now. People will take advantage of his relationship with Yifan. But he will be prepared; he will protect Yifan with his life if he has to.

 

A couple of days later, Yifan’s head spins; he has been watching Junmyeon pace back and forth in front of him for some time now. Yifan is sure if he keeps up at this rate, he will start to wear the wooden floor down. He is down on the sofa with Chanyeol and Jimin hovering over him, making sure the tracker is in place and working, same for the listening device as well. Yifan sits patiently, allowing them to make last minute adjustments and such. But Junmyeon is still not convinced and nothing can lessen his worry, especially after everyone outvoted him about sending someone with Yifan since that would attract unwanted attention.

Finally, Chanyeol and Jimin are done and they release Yifan, who sighs and gets to his feet. The first thing he does is grab Junmyeon by his shoulder and pull him into his embrace. Junmyeon stills, stiffens for a second and then wraps his own arms around Yifan’s waist, pushing his face into the other’s chest and taking a deep breath.

Yifan whispers, “I will be fine.”

“Seunghyun tried to kill you,” Junmyeon reminds him, and Yifan doesn’t need to look at his face to know the shorter is pouting.

Yifan won’t lie; he is sort of afraid to face the man again. The wounds on his back have only healed and the memory of the pain he had to endure is still fresh. But he has to do this; he has to face them if he plans to protect Junmyeon. He tightens his arms around Junmyeon and says, “Trust me, I will come back to you as soon as I can. I do not look forward to spending any extra time with them.”

Junmyeon laughs as he pulls back and his smile makes Yifan feel a little better, feel a little bit more at ease. It also gives him the confidence to go ahead with this rather insane plan. He is going to walk into a room filled with people who want to kill him and Junmyeon, and pretend he is on their side. Though, Seunghyun knows now, and Yifan doesn’t know what that man will do.

Junmyeon cups the side of his face and reaches up to press his lips against Yifan’s. He whispers, “I love you.”

Yifan supposes he should be used to it someday, but for now, hearing those three words from Junmyeon still manages to halt his breath, make his heart skip a few beats and have him smile like a fool. He leans down and returns the kiss as he murmurs against Junmyeon’s lips, “I love you too.”

An hour later, Yifan is in the basement of Sungkyu’s office. Youngbae arrived late and he arrived with the report of Dasom’s death, which told Sungkyu details Yifan already secretly knew. He heard about Dasom’s death from Chanyeol, who thought that Sungkyu probably abducted Yifan as revenge. But Yifan knew that his abduction wasn’t Sungkyu’s plan alone.

The first thing Sungkyu did when Yifan arrived was to apologise about trying to hurt him. On his side, Seunghyun was shifting, looking uncomfortable and it didn’t take Yifan long to understand that Sungkyu doesn’t know about Yifan’s involvement with Junmyeon—Seunghyun didn’t tell him. Yifan wonders why.

The meeting begins and Sungkyu says, “So, the shipment is due to arrive in Seoul via Incheon in a week. What is Junmyeon’s side doing?”

Yifan speaks the version he had been told to say, “He is planning to meet the stock when it is en route from Incheon to Seoul. They are still deciding on a place, but, so far, they know that the shipment will arrive at the port at Dong-gu, so they are looking at Seochu-gu.”

Sungkyu scowls as he steeples his hands under his chin. “Are they planning to get off the road and onto the river to move the stuff rest of the way?”

Yifan nods—Junmyeon knew Sungkyu would ask this, “Yes, that seems like what they are planning to do.”

Youngbae next leans on the table and asks, “Why isn’t he in the office?”

“Ever since the fight in the hotel, he has decided to lay low, so he is doing all his planning and work from his apartment,” Yifan answers.

“Seems so out of character of him,” Youngbae comments.

“I told him to rest,” Yifan shrugs.

Sungkyu laughs, “Looks like he does listen to you!”

Yifan smirks but deep inside his head, he is imagining that his hands are wrapped around Sungkyu’s neck and currently choking all the oxygen out of him. It was Jimin’s idea; he said every time he feels annoyed, he should just imagine various ways of killing them. Jimin said it’s a great stress reliever. Yifan wasn’t convinced, but it is now working and he feels less anger. He isn’t a violent man usually, but something about the men he is keeping company with now is taking a toll on him.

Seunghyun leans back in his seat and says, “We need to think about something too.”

“Our best bet is keeping an eye on the river,” Sungkyu says. “It will be easier for me. He can’t claim the river.”

Youngbae nods, “That sounds about right.”

Yifan taps his fingers on the table and says, “My involvement ends here detective. You have to ensure my safe passage out of here a day after.”

Youngbae smiles and bows his head, “Of course, I remember my promise.”

The meeting breaks soon after and they disperse. Youngbae leaves first, followed by Sungkyu. As Yifan and Seunghyun take the elevator back up and towards the parking garage, they both notice it is raining. They don’t talk or even look at each other, but the animosity is felt between them both. They walk down the space between parked cars. Seunghyun’s sedan is parked outside in the rain, so he stops before the barricade, and so does Yifan.

Seunghyun looks at the rain pouring down and lights a cigarette up. Yifan wonders why Seunghyun keeps standing instead of making his way to his car. Yifan crosses his arms and says, “What? Do you intend to follow me to learn Junmyeon’s whereabouts?”

Seunghyun chuckles, “No, I am not.”

“Then?” Yifan asks. “I also don’t understand why you haven’t told Youngbae and Sungkyu anything.”

Seunghyun raises his brows, or where his brows are supposed to be, and says, “I need to be on the winning side.”

Yifan widens his eyes and gasps. “You, you don’t, you think Sungkyu will fail?”

Seunghyun laughs, “No!” He crushes the half-finished cigarette under his boot and says, “I hope for them to both fail!”

He walks into the rain leaving a very surprised Yifan behind. He watches Seunghyun run for his car and get inside it. He puts a hand out of the window and waves at Yifan as he drives off. Yifan sucks in a deep breath; Seunghyun has a whole other plan for himself. This is not okay.

The rain doesn’t look like it will stop anytime soon, and Yifan’s head is buzzing with the new information, so he decides to risk it and steps out. As soon as he is under it, he is soaked in seconds. He sighs and starts running. He apologises in his head in advance to all the damage he is wrecking on Jimin’s precious gadgets.

 

Junmyeon is back to pacing to and fro, this time he is in Chanyeol’s apartment. Chanyeol, having gotten tired of his boss, left him to his own devices and headed for Jimin’s place. Junmyeon didn’t even notice him leaving. He is terribly anxious, especially when the meeting concluded and sudden static filled the recording. Jimin said that it was probably due to the rain but Junmyeon wasn’t convinced. He wanted to go outside himself and find Yifan but he also knows exposing himself like that isn’t very smart. Thus, Chanyeol dragged him back to his place to stop him from worrying and also, to keep an eye on him. But the tracker showed Yifan was out of Suungkyu’s office, so Chanyeol felt like Junmyeon could stay on his own and not do anything stupid.

He stops at the window and frowns at the ceaseless rain outside. Monsoon is near its end in Seoul and the rain is pouring down as if it is its last performance of the season and it has to do its very best. It might flood even if this keeps up. Yifan refused to take a car, and now Junmyeon is stressed that he may get sick if he gets wet.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Junmyeon gasps and rushes over to the door. When he finds Yifan shaking his head behind it, he opens the door and flies into Yifan’s arms. The taller man gets his air knocked out but his arms rise to wrap around Junmyeon anyway as he chuckles, “I am alright Myeon.”

Junmyeon sighs and he feels how hard Yifan got drenched as the front of his t-shirt gets wet. He pulls back, rakes his gaze all over and scowls, “You got wet. You should have carried an umbrella.”

Yifan laughs, “Can I come inside at least?”

Junmyeon grins, feeling sheepish as he steps to the side and lets Yifan in, who asks, pulling his shoes off, “Why are we here though? Like did something happen back at my place or something?” He had received a text from Chanyeol when he was trying to flag down a cab to come at this address and he has been wondering why ever since.

Junmyeon shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck, “I, I wouldn’t stop worrying and Chanyeol dragged me with him so I don’t try to go get you.”

Yifan grimaces at the wet shoe, then looks up with a bright smile, “That wouldn’t have been very wise.”

Junmyeon feels his cheeks warming, “No, it would not have been.”

Yifan leans in to cup Junmyeon’s face, who looks up, his eyebrows slightly raised. Yifan just brushes their noses together, still grinning, touched by Junmyeon’s concern. He pulls back and asks, “Do you think I can have some dry clothes?”

Junmyeon hums, “Chanyeol is roughly your size, maybe…” He knows where Chanyeol keeps his clothes since he had himself borrowed clothes often from the man after some rather bloody altercations. He dives into Chanyeol’s walk-in closet and finds a pair joggers and a white t-shirt. He also grabs a towel on his way out. When he returns to the living room, he finds Yifan has migrated to the kitchen where the washing machine-dryer is and he is taking off his shirt.

Yifan has his back turned to Junmyeon, so he isn’t aware as he takes the wet material off his back. The muscles on his back ripple, the scars on display. Junmyeon swallows, feeling mad at Seunghyun again. Yifan opens the dryer and dumps the shirt into it. Next, his hands reach at the waist of his pants, and Junmyeon finally lets his presence known by clearing his throat. Yifan turns around, wide eyed and flushed. Junmyeon hands him the towel, which he takes with a smile, “Thanks.”

Junmyeon puts down the clothes on the kitchen counter and turns around, thinking if he should go wait in the living room to give Yifan some privacy. He hears the fly being pulled down and he sinks his teeth into his lips. He hears the wet drag of terrywool against skin and he is about to escape when Yifan asks, “Hey, Chanyeol won’t be too mad about me using his dryer, will he?”

“No, no, I don’t think so,” Junmyeon replies, trying to fight the urge to turn around. But he fails, and he turns around anyway. Yifan still has his back turned to him but at least he is wearing the jogger, _and_ nothing else. He is trying to figure out how the dryer works, towel wrapped around his neck. The water drips down his hair and down the middle of spine. Junmyeon, last time after Yifan was rescued, didn’t get to look closely, but he realises Yifan has freckles on his back—little spots of discolouration from working under the sun.

The joggers hang low on his hips and he turns slightly to bend and pick up his socks, which he dumps in the dryer too. Junmyeon glimpses a flat stomach and the rose tattoo he had seen earlier. On the space above the right side of his abdomen and it is very easy to miss it, but there is a small, singular rose tattooed into his skin with a long stem and the petals are coloured a bright red. He had been wondering why such a tattoo for a while now. He inches closer and Yifan looks down at him. Junmyeon pulls the towel of his neck and puts it over his head as he grumbles, “You are literally flooding the kitchen floor, dry your hair.”

Yifan’s head is covered by the towel and he chuckles. He puts his hands on his head and rubs the towel through his hair. When he pulls it off, thinking he is dry enough, he finds Junmyeon staring at the small tattoo on his abdomen. And Junmyeon is staring at it, almost boring holes into it. Yifan smiles as he curls his fingers under Junmyeon’s chin and tugs, “Do you want to ask why?”

Yifan knows what Junmyeon is thinking. Junmyeon whispers, his eyes widening, “Ask what?”

“Why I have a rose tattooed on my skin?” Yifan whispers back, slowly closing the meagre distance between them.

Yifan comes closer and Junmyeon feels his body heat emanating like a signal, like a magnetic field and he gets sucked in. He is not even complaining. He splays a hand over the tattoo and he licks his lips when he feels how hot Yifan’s skin feels under his fingertips. He takes a deep breath as he asks, “Why do you have that on your skin Yifan?”

“Roses will always remind me of you Junmyeon,” Yifan murmurs, “I met you in a rose garden, and lost you at another.”

Somehow, the air feels hotter between them, thick and stifling. Junmyeon slowly smiles, his hand now skimming over Yifan’s navel, over his ribs and sternum till they stop at the base of Yifan’s throat. He can feel the resounding thud of Yifan’s pulse under his fingertips. He puts his lips on it and Yifan smells like rain and tea, and Junmyeon is so in love. He presses his mouth on Yifan’s collarbone as his lips mumble against it, “You are impossible Wu Yifan.”

Yifan chuckles and it sends vibrations through Junmyeon’s body. Yifan puts his arms around Junmyeon and pulls him close. There is no space between their bodies as Yifan says, “Only for you Junmyeon, just for you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also,if you see grammatical errors, don't tell me, I know. I am in a rush as I post this, so I will come back and check!


	22. Just Your Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of the past non-con

“Only for you Junmyeon, just for you.”

Junmyeon inhales and his body trembles in anticipation, waiting to see what Yifan would do next. Yifan cups his face and leans down, his lips tantalisingly close to Junmyeon’s. They just stand there for a moment, looking at each other, sharing the same breath before Yifan makes his move first and slots his lips against Junmyeon’s.

They kiss slowly, carefully and Junmyeon quiet doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Yifan pulls away slightly, his hands reaching up to cup Junmyeon’s face as he mumbles, “You can touch me, Junmyeon.”

With permission granted, Junmyeon splays his hands on Yifan’s bare back, his blunt nails digging into the flesh as Yifan gently parts his lips and slides his tongue in. Junmyeon groans, letting Yifan in, letting him take over. Each brush of his tongue, each slide of his lips is electric and Junmyeon doesn’t even notice that he can’t breathe, his head is getting lighter. Yifan bites down on his lips, sucking on it, tearing a low groan from him.

Yifan pulls back, his lungs burning. Junmyeon licks his lips, biting down on his lower lip, his eyes hooded. Yifan tugs at his chin, releasing the lower lip and rubbing his thumb over it, slowly. Junmyeon sighs, his body shaking with want. His hands move over Yifan’s back and he tilts his head before kissing Yifan again. He cannot get enough of Yifan, he probably never will. The way he tastes and the way his skin feels under his fingertips, Junmyeon wants more and more. He presses himself closer and he pulls back first this time.

Yifan sighs as he looks down at Junmyeon, and his flushed cheeks and dilated eyes. He feels the thrum of desire in his own body and he aches to do more but he doesn’t know if he can ask for more. Then, to his surprise, Junmyeon grabs his wrist and pulls him towards a door, which is pushed open to a bedroom. Yifan widens his eyes as he looks down at the king sized bed. “Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon locks the door behind them and says, “Yes?”

“Are you su—”

Junmyeon cups Yifan’s face and kisses him softly. “I am, if it is you, I am.”

Yifan smiles down at Junmyeon, who seems sure and uncertain at the same time, and Yifan understands the importance of this. So, he walks to the bed and sits down with Junmyeon watching him. He pats the space beside him. Junmyeon bites his lips, cheeks flushing a deep pink as he comes closer. Yifan thinks he will sit down beside him but instead, Junmyeon straddles him. Yifan looks at him with great astonishment. Junmyeon’s blush deepens, and he can’t help but want to coo at him though their positions are anything but innocent.

Junmyeon chuckles softly at Yifan’s expression. He puts his head on Yifan’s shoulder and sighs, throwing his arms around Yifan’s waist. He presses his lips against Yifan’s shoulder and mumbles, “I love you, Yifan. I have wanted you like this for a long time, except I have always been afraid.”

Yifan’s smile drops at the last bit. He wraps his hands around Junmyeon as well and says, “I love you too. I am—”

“Don’t,” Junmyeon pulls back and kisses Yifan’s cheek. He slowly shakes his head as he says, “I know you will not hurt me, I know you are not him. I, I know that.”

Yifan sees it, the trust and love in Junmyeon’s eyes and he finds it hard to breathe. He touches Junmyeon’s cheek, his long fingers gently stroking it. Junmyeon leans into his touch and smiles. Yifan’s fingers trail down, under his jaw and resting at Junmyeon’s Adams’ apple. Junmyeon whispers, “You have my consent Yifan, all of it.”

Yifan sucks in a deep breath as he watches Junmyeon unbutton his shirt. Yifan is about to remove his hand from Junmyeon’s face but Junmyeon doesn’t let him, he puts his hand over Yifan’s and smiles, shaking his head. Yifan obeys and Junmyeon finishes unbuttoning his shirt as he whispers, “You may see some things and I just want you to know that it is okay, I am okay.” He pushes the shirt down his shoulders and drops it to the floor.

Yifan looks down and his eyebrows furrow at the man sitting on his lap right now. Junmyeon is still pale as ever but his skin is marked by scars almost everywhere. Yifan has spent enough time in an ER to know that the scar on Junmyeon’s right pectoral is by a bullet. There is another bullet scar on his left shoulder. The long scar slashing across his stomach or the one on his side or the one starting from his collarbone to right above his heart are all from a knife. He had seen Junmyeon bare-chested before but he wasn’t looking too closely. Then he sees some older scars, those cigarette burns, this time some on his upper arms. Yifan touches them and asks, his voice choking up, “This, was this…” He can’t finish his words, he can’t bring himself to say it out loud because if he does he starts thinking about everything Junmyeon had to endure and his heart hurts.

Junmyeon nods his head slowly. He closes his eyes, pushing away the pain of all the scars, especially those. He leans in and puts his head back on Yifan’s shoulder again. He wants Yifan to see all of him, so when Yifan looks down on his back and gasps, Junmyeon bites down on his lip. If Yifan didn’t want him after this, he would understand. After all, the scars on his back are the worst. He murmurs, “He, he blamed his mother’s suicide on me, so one night, he came back drunk and tied my hands. Then, he used his belt on my back, and when that didn’t make him happy enough, he used a kitchen knife till I started to bleed.” He burrows closer into Yifan’s body and lets the tears flow.

Yifan heaves as he hears Junmyeon speak. He can feel Junmyeon crying on his skin and he shuts his eyes. He can feel his blood rushing in his ears and his heart thuds in anger and pain. He pulls Junmyeon closer, tighter and he is glad that that fucker is dead because if he wasn’t, Yifan would have ripped him apart with his own hands. He kisses Junmyeon’s shoulder and says, “Fuck Junmyeon, fuck. You never said a word, you had to deal with this all on your own and I couldn’t do anything to help you, I am so, so sorry.”

Junmyeon softly chuckles as he pulls back. He cups Yifan’s face and says, “No, you did help me. I was ready to kill myself when we arrived at the resort, you know. But then I met you and I suddenly wanted to live. You, and Eunyon, were the only two people who never asked anything of me or from me.” He scoffs as he looks over Yifan’s shoulder, “Minseok too.”

Yifan doesn’t know what else he can say to Junmyeon or to himself, so he chooses to kiss Junmyeon, who is taken aback for a moment before kissing back. Yifan pours all his love, his pain and his regret into it and if he tastes the salt of Junmyeon’s tears mixing into it, he doesn’t say anything. He slowly manoeuvres them and lays Junmyeon down on the bed gently. He meets Junmyeon’s lips again and again as his hand traces over all the scars, his touch gentle and reverent.

Junmyeon chokes up but he can’t stop aching for Yifan’s touch. Yifan’s fingers are tracing lazy circles over his hipbone as he sucks on his tongue, and Junmyeon melts at how soft his touch is. They finally break for air and Junmyeon feels breathless as he says, “Yifan, Yifan.” He gulps, he doesn’t know what it was he wanted to say but perhaps Yifan gets it as he nods, his head leaning in, his lips now moving over all the scars on Junmyeon’s body.

Junmyeon can’t take it—the reverence or the warmth that floods his whole body, drowning him. He pulls at Yifan’s hair and attaches their mouths again. Junmyeon decides to be brave as he starts exploring Yifan’s body with his hands. His hands brush over Yifan’s entire torso, his back and come resting right on his lower abdomen. Yifan’s breath hitches and he breaks the kiss to look down at Junmyeon, who asks, “Can, can I touch you?”

Yifan nods, but then he thinks of something. He moves off of Junmyeon and lies down beside him. Junmyeon watches him with great confusion but then he says, “This is about you, and you said you needed control over your own body, so tonight, I am all yours. You can do as you please, you have my consent too.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widen at that and his lungs quiet forget to work for a moment. He pushes himself on his elbows and then sits up. He crawls over Yifan and puts his knees on either side of Yifan’s hips. He leans over and gently butts his forehead against Yifan’s and brushes their noses together with a wide smile. “I love you so much, Yifan.”

Yifan moves his hands to stroke Junmyeon’s back as he smiles back, “I love you too.”

Junmyeon kisses him then, all tender and sweet. He moves his mouth down Yifan’s neck, then his collarbones and sternum. He hears Yifan gasp and he thinks he is doing well. His mouth inches lower and lower till he nips lightly at the skin under Yifan’s navel. Yifan takes a deep breath, shifting a little, as if ashamed of the way his cock slowly fills with blood. Junmyeon asks, “May I take this off?”

Yifan chuckles, “How nice of you to ask.”

“I am being nice, yes.”

They both laugh as Junmyeon grabs the waist band of the joggers and pulls them down Yifan’s legs. His cock was semi-hard and for a second, Junmyeon feels the tendrils of panic set in as he looks down at Yifan’s member. He has a lot of bad things associated with sex but then Yifan murmurs, “I won’t hurt you Myeon.”

Junmyeon gulps as he looks back into Yifan’s eyes. Yifan reaches for him and Junmyeon meets him halfway, lacing their fingers. Junmyeon sits down on Yifan’s thighs as he curls his fingers around Yifan’s cock. Yifan’s abdomen concaves as he sucks in a deep breath at Junmyeon’s touch. Junmyeon, now feeling curious and emboldened, moves his hand up and down. When he flicks his wrist by accident, Yifan gasps. Junmyeon smirks, he thinks he has this figured out now.

He strokes Yifan to full hardness and bites down on his lip when he sees how sweat dots Yifan’s forehead and how his eyes are shut, his teeth clamped down on his lip. Junmyeon can see how turned on Yifan is and it turns him on too, and he feels his own cock stirring to life, slowly filling with blood. He wants this, Yifan, too much, honestly. He removes his hand and dives under Chanyeol’s bed, and he grins when he guesses right and finds the bottle of lube there.

Yifan sees Junmyeon grabbing something and shimmying off the bed. Junmyeon hesitates slightly before unzipping his trousers and dragging them down with his underwear. Yifan glimpses some more scars on his thighs but he can also see Junmyeon’s arousal and it makes him smile. Junmyeon returns to sit on top of him and Yifan pulls him down to kiss him. He winds a hand down between their bodies and wraps his fingers around Junmyeon’s cock, returning the favour.

Junmyeon gasps into Yifan’s mouth and he is amazed by how good it feels to be touched by someone else like that. He had his own hands for the last few years, so Yifan’s large, soft, warm hand on him are driving him crazy. He breaks the kiss and pants into Yifan’s neck. He mutters, “That, that feels good.”

“Tell me what you want Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon takes a deep breath as he speaks, head still buried into Yifan’s skin, “I want you to make love to me Yifan, make me forget.”

“I,” Yifan’s breath hitches, “I will.”

Junmyeon leans back and moves to uncap the bottle of lube when Yifan stops him. Yifan moves to sit up as he says, “Let me.”

Junmyeon nods, his heart racing in excitement and fear both. He hands Yifan the bottle and lies down again, spreading his legs to make Yifan space. He feels exposed, vulnerable suddenly but Yifan only has eyes on his face, not on his body as he adjusts himself. He coats his fingers generously with the lube and doesn’t touch him. Junmyeon is confused but then he finds Yifan looking at him, silently asking with his eyes and Junmyeon understands. He sighs as he nods his head. Yifan finally touches him, slipping in one finger past his rim. Junmyeon gasps, trying to get accustomed to the strange sensation. He feels Yifan pulling away and asking, “Did I do something wrong?”

Junmyeon laughs as he shakes his head, “No, no you didn’t. It is just…weird to have someone else do it for you…” He feels his face heating up next when he hears Yifan laugh. However, Yifan leans forward to kiss his jaw and when he straightens up again, he is smiling down at him. He tries again and this time Junmyeon is a lot more prepared, so he focuses on the sensation of Yifan pushing two fingers in, scraping along his walls.

A little prodding later, Junmyeon moans, his back arching off the bed when Yifan finds his prostate and rubs it. Yifan keeps at it and Junmyeon shakes. He moans loudly when Yifan, his fingers—now three—still inside him, curves over him and starts kissing all over his chest. His teeth scrape along a nipple before pulling it into his mouth and biting down on it. His tongue laves over the bite and Junmyeon chokes. “Yifan, uh, mmm,” Junmyeon mumbles and it is incoherent, he can’t focus.

Next, he feels Yifan’s mouth on the inside of his thigh, leaving more marks. Junmyeon throws his head back into the pillow and groans, shutting his eyes. It feels so, _so_ good, he can cry. He mumbles, “Fan, please…”

Yifan gets his plea, so he removes his fingers. He captures Junmyeon’s lips in a heated kiss again, devouring him. Junmyeon groans when suddenly the lower parts of their bodies brush against each other. Their cocks rub against one another and Junmyeon groans along with Yifan.

Yifan pulls back and his gaze is heated as he says, “Myeon, we don’t have any condoms.”

Junmyeon bites his lip, “I know I am clean…”

Yifan grins, “So am I, but—”

Junmyeon shakes his head, “What did I say? I am okay if it is you.”

Yifan inhales sharply, feeling the weight of those words sinking into him. He nods his head and then moves on to slick lube all over his cock. He grabs a pillow and tucks it under Junmyeon’s waist. Then, he puts his elbows on either side of Junmyeon’s head and plants a kiss on Junmyeon’s temple as he whispers, “Tell me if you feel uncomfortable, okay?” Junmyeon nods, his eyes wide in anticipation. “Okay, love.” Yifan grabs the root of his cock and slowly pushes the tip into Junmyeon’s hole.

As soon as Yifan’s bulbous tip reaches past the first ring of muscles, Junmyeon gasps, his eyes closing on their own. Then, Yifan pushes in deeper and when he is nestled in, Junmyeon gasps louder, his lips parting as his lungs burn because he is holding his breath. It burns, the stretch, and the first licks of fear start to get to him. But then, Yifan cups his face and he opens his eyes to look into a pair of eyes he knows, he loves, and suddenly, he feels the tears welling in his eyes.

Yifan panics, moving to pull out but then Junmyeon grabs his neck and whispers, “No, don’t stop. You are not him, I know you are not him.”

Yifan swallows, feeling the familiar anger settle in his guts again. But no, he shakes his head; this is not about that, it is about them, Junmyeon and Yifan, so he wills himself to smile, trying to convey that he understands and Junmyeon smiles back. Yifan stays buried inside Junmyeon, waiting for the latter to adjust for some time. Finally, Junmyeon says, “It is okay, you can move, please.”

Yifan braces himself as he pulls out, then he thrusts back in slowly. Junmyeon claws at his back, the stretch still burning but feeling good at the same time. Yifan picks up a slow and steady pace, his cock dragging along his walls, setting all his body on fire and he can’t help but let out the small, whimpering noises of pleasure. Yifan’s mouth is relentless as he uses it to kiss every inch of his chest and neck and face. Their lips find each other and Junmyeon licks into Yifan’s mouth as he wraps his legs around Yifan’s waist.

At a particular thrust, Yifan jabs right at his prostate and Junmyeon cries out loud, “Oh my god, Fan!”

Yifan realises and keeps at it, moving his hips at an angle now, hitting Junmyeon right where he wants it. Junmyeon’s hands knead his flesh and the heels of his feet now dig into Yifan’s back as his body chases the pleasure, the heat. It feel so amazing, so good, each time Yifan pulls back and then pushes right in, sending jolts of electricity up his body.

Then, Yifan scoops him up and suddenly, Junmyeon is sitting up with Yifan under him, their bodies still joined. Yifan sucks on the sensitive area under his ear as he says, “Help me out here, yeah?”

Junmyeon scoffs as he starts bouncing on Yifan’s lap, and he gasps when he realises this position is way better than the last one. Yifan is deeper, closer and he can kiss him much better like this too. Yifan’s hands spread on his butt, his fingers sinking into the flesh, squeezing it, pulling it apart to thrust in deeper and deeper still. Junmyeon, unconsciously, starts rolling his hips and Yifan groans, pressing his face into Junmyeon’s neck, panting, “Junmyeon, oh god…you feel _so good_.”

Junmyeon grins and keeps doing what makes him and Yifan feel good. Meanwhile, the friction on his cock, trapped between their bodies, feels amazing as well. Precum is smeared all over Yifan’s torso, and when Junmyeon wraps his fingers around his cock, tugging at it, he feels the coil in his gut loosening, and then with a small cry, he comes all over his hand and Yifan’s chest.

Yifan, too follows soon after, a few more thrusts in, and Junmyeon gasps as Yifan comes inside him. He feels Yifan’s cock pulsating with each spurt and he slumps down in his grasp. Junmyeon noses along Yifan’s neck as the latter pants into his shoulder, each trying to come down from their climaxes. Junmyeon mumbles, “Thank you.”

Yifan pushes them down on the bed again and pulls out. Cum smears down Junmyeon’s thighs and he finds himself not minding it. Junmyeon is on his back and Yifan plops down on his stomach, arm stretched over his middle. He kisses Junmyeon’s temple again and asks, “You okay?”

“I am fine, I am very good,” Junmyeon smiles. He traces the side of Yifan’s face, his heart swelling in affection, “You are so good to me.”

Yifan feels his face heating up at the praise as he grins, “I am glad you are okay.”

“I am glad that we did this,” Junmyeon whispers as he nudges in closer, putting his head under Yifan’s chin and throwing his arm around Yifan’s back. He feels Yifan kissing the top of his head and say, “We should clean up. We just had sex on Chanyeol’s bed.”

Junmyeon giggles, “I will pay him for the trauma. And yeah,” he yawns, “Five more minutes, we will clean up then.”

Yifan thinks about refuting it, but he supposes five more minutes won’t hurt.

 

Five more minutes turns into a whole hour and they wake up with dried cum on their bodies. Junmyeon finally drags himself to the bathroom and Yifan follows. They wash up in the shower not without some not-so-innocent touches. Yifan dresses back in Chanyeol’s clothes while Junmyeon only wears his shirt and boxers. They move into the kitchen next with the bed sheets. Yifan gets about figuring how the washer works and chucks them in. Meanwhile, Junmyeon finds some water bottles and takes his seat on the kitchen counter.

As Yifan finally smiles in relief at the machine stirring to life, he remembers something. He turns around and asks, “How did you know Chanyeol kept his lube under the bed?”

Junmyeon giggles, “I heard Jimin and Chanyeol fight over how Chanyeol needs to invest in bedside tables, and when I saw he had none in his bedroom, I figured he must keep it either under the bed or in the bathroom.”

Yifan widens his eyes before he starts chuckling. He was so focused on Junmyeon, he didn’t even realise that there were no tables by the bed. He takes a water bottle from Junmyeon and takes a long drag of it. Suddenly, Junmyeon says, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“You, you,” Junmyeon blushes, “You knew what to do, when, I mean, were you with someone?”

Yifan raises an eyebrow, easily getting at what Junmyeon was trying to ask, “Didn’t Luhan’s reports tell you I never did?”

Junmyeon feels bashful and guilty as he murmurs, “No need to remind me I spied on you, okay?”

Yifan comes in closer, his hands now splayed on the counter. He says, “I had a few one night stands at the most, that’s it. Could never stick around to know more, and I never wanted to.”

“Oh.”

Yifan smiles at the small admission. He cups Junmyeon’s chin and tugs his head up to kiss him. Junmyeon smiles under his lips before kissing him back. Yifan pulls back first and says, “I love you, only ever you Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon feels the same old warmth fill his whole body up as he says back, “I love you Yifan, just as the same.”


End file.
